I don't want kids and that's ok.

Kids are the purest form of a soul anyone can encounter upon our journey through life on earth. Filled with innocence, wonder, joy, fearlessness, unselfishness, kindness, and no prejudice whatsoever, kids are just amazing, and by that statement alone, anyone should want to have kids right?

Well, there are people in this world who don´t want to have kids at any stage of their lives, and I´m one of them.

Let me try to explain myself a little bit. You see, in my youth, I was always a peculiar girl, simple and shy, never an overachiever, very self-conscious and with low self-esteem, so when boys started to notice me it came as a shock, but when my friends were thinking about ¨the future¨ I was not, I was just enjoying the moment, the fact that a cute boy liked me, and for me that was just enough. I never fantasized with getting married at all, let alone having babies, unlike my little friends.

After we parted ways and my teen days began, some boys, not a lot noticed me as well, but ended up choosing my friends and I was left to believe that I wasn't relationship material, and since I wasn´t relationship material, I was never going to get proposed to, ever! And kids were still out of the future picture.

Later on, in my early adulthood, this continued to happen but I got to see and experience the living together act myself and witnessed it on my married friends and that helped reaffirm my thoughts on marriage and how coexistence before the wedding is very very important because marriage is so much more than a wedding and a good intimate life, especially if you plan to have children at one point.

During all that time, whenever I came home, my parent's friends always asked about me and my siblings and the fact that neither of us had children at the time, especially the eldest 4, myself included. So in a chat with my Dad, he asked why I was single and said that I shouldn't be too picky about guys, because the time was passing and I wasn´t getting any younger and I should think to settle down and start a family of my own. The response on my part was very straightforward:

I´m not going to be jumping from bed to bed until I find ¨mister right ¨because that´s how that works right now and I won´t do it like that, and for what? All for the sake of having a husband and kids?

So I wondered, instead of is that for me, I asked myself, do I want that for myself? And every time the answer was, no.

As time went by I got into college and my classmates were all younger than me, so they used to seek me out for elder wisdom, haha I made very good friends thank God, and every once in a while the kid's theme popped out in the conversation. One day they got mad at me because I didn´t want to indulge them with an answer about that subject, so I got mad at them as well and said something as follows:

Why is it so important for you that I have kids huh? Does it affect you in some way? Are you going to pay for my pregnancy, the medical bills, the food, the clothing, the education, the whole nine yards? Is it because I´m a woman near my thirties and it´s uncommon and sad that a woman my age isn´t married with 10 babies? Is it so wrong that a woman chooses not to bring a life into this world because she just doesn´t want to and is not prepared to care for someone else? Have you ever thought for a second about how having a baby is the biggest responsibility a human being can have in life? Have you ever wondered if those mothers who neglect their children, who live in poverty, who abuse them and even kill their babies, had them by choice or just because it was expected of them? Think a little before judging me please, and let me live my life as I see fit.

They all whet numbed and in the following days, the conversation got to a point where it was a debate about why I don´t want kids. Here are some of them:

1.- They are expensive: my God, have you seen how much it costs to have a baby these days? Baby food, baby clothing, and baby medicine, just to name a few, are super expensive, so you gotta have a very good and steady income to pay for all of that and for yourself of course, because man, it is really expensive. I look at my sister and I just don´t envy her at all, I can´t afford that, period.

2.- They require a lot of attention: having a kid and neglecting them is one of the worst things anyone can do, and kids demand a lot of patience and attention. If you can´t focus on their needs, in nurturing them, teaching them, feeding them, cleaning them, it´s best that you don´t have them at all. And I´m a Chronic Pain patient and also I work a lot, so, the little time I have is for me and it´s not much so, so how on earth would I be able to care for a child?

3.- It is the least selfish act a person can do: have any of you wondered at one point if mothers had their children because it was their dream? or their dutie? or a trend of some sort? I´ve seen, women who have them because it´s expected, because the husband wants them to, because they want to see if they can make cute babies, because they don´t want to die alone and the child will care for them when they´re old, or worse, so when grown, they can pay up their parent´s investment.

All of those reasons are selfish reasons, at the end, if people choose to have kids for the wrong reasons the most affected by it will be the kid, period, so why would anyone would want to hurt a child?? Not me, that´s for sure, and I believe that when you have a child your life is not yours anymore.

I can go on and on about how I don´t want kids, but it´s my choice and I´m happy with it, I´m content because I know that it is a decision that not only affects me, it affects my family, my friends, and that sweet soul that is waiting to be brought to life by someone who really wants it and can provide for it with love, affection, and security.

I always think about it that's for sure, especially when I see my nephew Nino, the first time he walked, the first time he laughed, the first time he danced, all precious moments. But every time I spend a few hours with him I get drained of all physical and mental energy and I end up exhausted from head to toe; my eyes go wherever he goes, if he isn´t resting I´m not resting, I can´t eat, I can´t sleep, I can´t work, anything because I´m always vigilant of him, and I don´t want my life to be like that.

I want time for myself, to breathe, to feel, to live my life the way I want to, and I made my peace with that, I don´t want kids and that´s ok.

This is 100% Original Content.

Some images are from Unsplash and are provided by this site. The others are from Pixabay and propertly sourced.

See you next time.

✨✨Blessings✨✨

@rebeysa85

Tuesday, October 18th, 2022.