The word i thought of "Strong"

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2 years ago

This is me!

I am this kind of person that loves telling people stories about myself. On one of those days, Ken came around the house, and we chatted for a while until something he said something that triggered me to share a part of me with him. I had barely spent 3mins, sharing my story with him when he stopped me and asked me "if i would ever want people to hear my tale, what simple word will i want them to know about my story?"

Oh my God!! That was a hard one, but every question has an answer. Silence took over....

I was so deep in my thoughts immediately, thinking about my rough journey through life over the past years. Those moment of growth and heartbreak. Laughter broke the silence in the room. It was a funny moment when we got to know that were both thinking of a similar word, but since the question was thrown at me, my own word was taken.

Me to Ken

Peju: All i want people to think about when the get to hear my tales is "STRONG".

I will never feel proud or arrogant because the great word strong paints a picture of me and my crazy, but interesting stories. Nobody had ever become strong in a blink of the eyes, i am not an exception. It's a process of time, and before you get to this stage, you will pass through difficult moments, you will definitely be hurt, frustration will set in, moments of joy, happiness, and smiling.

And at this very moment i am typing this, i know very well how simple i can be pulled down emotionally when hurtful words are being said to me, reminding me of those moments in my life where everything seemed scattered, when i never considered myself to be worthy of anything good. Trust me, when this sets in, i am being carried into the space of flashbacks of all the unpleasant memories i have had, and this will make me become afraid that everything that had made me a strong lady has been shattered.

When i find myself dwelling in such moments, i am being remembered of my very own life when the people i had put my trust on for confirmation of my truth self-worth, were the same people who told me several times that i was never worthy. I will always feel bad, i will be reminded of the frustration that took charge of me when all i wanted was to be accepted. I never knew that all this while, i was searching for acceptance in the wrong place, and it took me a long time to know that the only person that can ever accept me was the very person that stares back at me when i look in the mirror.

I finally concluded that all i needed was my humble self, and not anyone else to make me feel worthy for anything. After so many years of staying in a toxic relationship, i finally walked away. The very day i set myself free from such relationship, was the day i finally opened myself up to to find my true self. This day is very special for me, on this day i walked away from a toxic world and walked into my own self-love space.

I have realize that i am always ready for and capable of whatsoever i put my mind to, if you see me, you will know that i am an amazing person on every side. Boldness flows all over me for the very first time in my entity life. I felt so much confident and happy this morning, that at some point, i had to pause myself in total disbelief that i have really change, to the extent of having confident thoughts.

But why does it pierce through like a sharp object when i am taken back to those darker moments of my life?

Not everyday seems to be easy, but if it eventually comes, i just want to delight myself in it, be happy, and smile for how far i have come in life. Most days could be so hard that it puts me in the space of doubt, not allowing me to look myself in the mirror without having a second thought about myself. I am immediately pulled back into the lonely space i found myself in for years.

If it happens that you find yourself or have been in this kind of situation too, and reading this my crazy tale to this point is reminding you of some unpleasant memories, how you have been messed up in life, don't forget that we are all humans, life will always be messy, everything will be okay. Just allow the feeling to be there. If possible, allow the tears to flow out from you eyes, laugh it out if you can, cry some more. Don't ever let your emotion at this point know what you are really made of, and how far you have come in life.

I am going through some hard moments, so with everyone of us here, just know that you are never alone. No matter how the minute the problem may seem, just know that it will be okay. Take a deep breath!! Have this confident assurance that you will get another new day to wake up and look yourself in the mirror and realize how amazingly beautiful you are.

My journey through life have really given me a lesson to learn, and have made me realize that i am human, definitely i will have ups and downs. It is so possible to feel extremely positive today and extremely negative tomorrow. It doesn't really matter what you are facing in the journey of life, what matters the most is that you get to love yourself the more through it. Setbacks will come, mistakes will always show up, don't worry, cos they are only there to make you a stronger person.

Being truly honest to yourself will make you love yourself self the more during this time. You will cry the whole of the night, but joy cometh in the morning. You will keep having this confidence in yourself, because you are worth believing in. Exiting that toxic relationship really brought a relief to my soul. I was always happy for the bright future that lies ahead of me. Now when i stand infront of the mirror and behold the pretty smile on my face, i smile the more, because the person looking back at me from the mirror is far more stronger than before.

Thank you for reading!!

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