Love who you are

Sharing how my yesterday was with you - Pejudear

It's me again pejudear, i have this big dilemma of allowing anything disturb or bother me in a way that doesn't seem good or right, making me to feel bad or depressed. Yesterday i was swept off my feet, as my day was so ugly. I couldn't concentrate on anything. Almost all the ugly moments and negative thoughts in the entire wirld runs through my mind. Everyone around and who dares to say a word to me tends to piss me off. Not to talk of my own self, i was so angry on the inside of me that i will always find a way to attack myself for something not worth considering.

We all know that some days are always so bad, yeah really!! And yesterday i was deeply swallowed by the ugliness of the day. Unlike me, this time i needed someone to deliver me from this ugly grip. I needed someone to whisper to my ears that everything will be alright. I felt so empty even after expressing myself over and over again. I can only find a way to cope only when the right decisions is made.

I do this often when things that concerns me turns out the wrong way, when they don't seem to happen as i expected it to, when my plans for the day or moment fails, when i am being hit by hurtful words from people around me, or when i misuse funds ment for important stuffs. I would never have the right mind to think at such moment, all i do is cry, feel broken, and sometimes i feel hopeless.

When the situation isn't so bad, i force myself out. Reflecting back on those years i was still a teenager, i was told by so many people that my feelings were not genuine and that i had this part of me that overreacts a lot. For the fear of getting such feedback from people again, i am so careful that i select the right words i say when i am around people. I just hold back some things so i won't be a problem to someone.

Everything looked disorganized, i felt like a big mess walking around the whole place, my life at that moment looked even chaotic. I thought!! I am never near being perfect and i have never thought of standing in front of perfect. I always respect this fact that this is my true self, even on days when it hurts so much. I now have this true understanding of my life, and it is so different from others. I don't intend on hiding my feelings for the fear of not letting others see it as genuine. Allowing your fears to fill your thoughts will do you no good but harm, making you not fit mentally.

If days like this appear and i am lucky to be in it alive, i get myself more space and breath like never before. I put every of my feelings into writing, not always perfect though, but i try my best to write something down. And each i see myself writing down how i feel at every moment, i will feel great relief and refreshed. Everything will seem like reacting hardly to a situation, but in a right way. Each time i find myself writing like i am doing now, i am able to spell out all my fears and setbacks, and i learn more new things about myself and everything happening around me.

I see writing as a medium through which my eyes are being opened up to have the knowledge of what is going on, it gives me the confidence to know that no matter how ugly the situation may look, it's isn't that bad. Through writing, i get to remind my humble self that things don't just happen, but for a purpose. And whatever that purpose is, no matter how good or bad it seems, it came around for my growth.

The moment i thought of writing this article, that was yesterday, i was having a bad day. And trying all i could to get myself to the right spot where i could be there to support myself , and not depending on someone to help was so hard. Half of my life, i have always depended on my family, and now it is different as i have grown into a time of my life where i was sorting out things on my own.

As i began writing, i was so fussy and concerned about some unknown facts, i felt much okay because i came to a point where i recognize that i overthink a lot, i battled with anxiety, and i force myself to do certain things that makes me feel down health-wise.

After coming to the knowledge of this, i still love who i am. Those ugly moments of my life are what build me, and before i began the journey of depending on myself alone i knew very well that a lot of days just like yesterday will always show up. But in all of this, i still give myself the chance to feel how i felt, and right now i forgive myself for getting angry at me, at the end of the day i smiled and moved on.

Reflecting back on those days of my youth, if i ever had a bad day, it will take me longer time to heal, but i am so much grateful for the kind of person i have grown into. Smiling is what i do often, and hoping for a better tomorrow than what i had today.

What are those thing you do that contributes to making you feel better when you are having a serious ugly and bad day? Just love who you really are and nothing else

Thank you for reading!!