Getting back on Track After My 2 Months Living Here in my Hometown.

Wednesday. May 4, 2022

Hello everyone. How's my read.cash fam? I missed being here and I know that I missed a lot of stuff and opportunities already in my virtual world. It's been a long time since my last article here. It's been two months since I'm away from my Lappy. Two months that I'm out of Topic. I've been through a hard time since I went back home. Especially last month when I lost one of the most important person in my life.

Two months ago when I decided to go back home here in our province (Baguio City) with my family co'z I can't really handle the toxicity I'm experiencing in Manila anymore. I was so stressed with all the problems I was experiencing there. I feel like I'm choking on so much trouble we have especially with my husband. To the point that I also really wanted to break up with him. That's why I said I'll just come back here to the province with my children even without him, but he still asked for the last chance and he chose to come with us. My mother-in-law agreed with my decision, hoping that my husband would change here.

March 7, 2022, when we traveled home to Baguio. When we came here I was so happy because I felt like I could breathe easily now especially when I saw the City of Mountains where I grew up. What’s even better was my family’s very warm welcome when we came here, especially my Auntie and Lola (grandma) who took care of me and raised me. I still remember when we arrived, Lola still cried with joy when she saw me. She said it was good that I decided of coming back here especially since I was alone now in Manila because my Mom was also gone already. I could see the joy in her eyes and I could feel it in her hug.

My first month here was good, I was busy taking care of my Lola since she was weak and could hardly walk when we arrived. I can't focus on my virtual activities because I chose to focus on taking care of my Lola, whom I just met again, after how many years that I haven't been home. Good thing that even though I didn't accumulate extra income from my online activities, my Auntie still supported us. Even though we have our own rented house, she still feeds us every day at their house while my husband is still looking for a job here.

Within a month that I've been here, I saw how Lola was getting weaker every day. But despite her weakness, we still celebrated her birthday on March 27, 2022. I could see her joy on her birthday, it was her 80th birthday and since it's hard for her to walk, my husband and cousin just carried her to the living room. where we prepared for her birthday celebration. We prepared some food for her somehow because my Auntie also said that it might be her last Birthday because she is so weak already. She happily blew her candle even though she was not feeling well. We gave her some food to eat but she didn't even touch the food we put on her plate. She was just happy watching us eating. The only thing that she took and made her happier on that day was half a glass of Gin (liquor) which was her favorite drink. Yes, even though Lola is old already, she is still looking for that liquor which is her favorite drink, my Auntie allowed her to drink that day because it was only her birthday. The joy on Lola's face was different when she drank Gin, because my Auntie had forbidden her to drink for a long time already because of her age. That's why we know, that day was memorable for her because she was finally allowed to drink her favorite.

A few days after her birthday, Lola can't even stand to take a pee or poop anymore. So I told my Aunt that Lola should just put on a diaper so that it wouldn't be difficult to stand up. I focused more and spent my time on her back then because I was the only one who could take care of her since my Aunt had a job at City Hall too.

April 4, 2022, after I cooked food for lunch, I tried to feed her but she didn't want to eat anymore. She just looks at me and refuses the food I offer. That's why I just changed her diaper since she just pooped too. Just a few minutes after changing her diaper my daughter was calling me, I was cleaning Aunt's house at that time, and she said Lola seems to have a nightmare. When I checked her, I was scared because her shoulder suddenly rose as if she were catching her last breath. I ran to her to wake her up but she was not responding, she wasn't breathing anymore. I was crying out loud calling my Aunt who was gardening outside at that time. But even my Aunt can't do anything anymore, no matter how she wakes her up there's no response anymore. She really left us already at that moment.

It is sad and very painful to lose an important person in your life right in front of you. This is the second time it has happened to me. The first was my Dad who also died in front of me when I was young here in this same house. It also hurts for me because I've only been with her for a month, thought I can make up to her since I left her back then and chose to be with my Mom in Manila. But I guess it was too late for me to make up for her. It seems like she just waited for me to come home here and be with her before she finally rested in peace. How I wished I went home earlier to take care of her.

During Lola's funeral, it was my first time experiencing the ritual and tradition of wakes for Igorots (a native people in the mountain province). It was my first time meeting our relatives from Atok Benguet. For the last two days of Lola's funeral, almost all of her relatives attended her last funeral. My first time experiencing how to celebrate a family reunion with them. It was started by the oldest in our clan. We introduced ourselves one by one, Lola's relatives from Atok Benguet introduced themselves first, before we introduced ourselves as those left behind by Lola. There I also experienced that they had a book about their history where they came from, as well as the story of Lola's parents, is in that book. I saw how important and how they kept the story of the whole clan of Lay-at (Lola’s last name). They also brought two large pigs for the ritual of grandma's funeral.

After Lola's funeral, I only found out that she had 800 square meters of land left in Atok Benguet. That's the only thing that Lola left us, but it's still complicated now because they said that Lola sold it to one of her relatives there for 7000 pesos but there was no document that it had been sold, that's why my Aunties and Uncles just wanted to fight for it and just take it back from them since they have benefited from it for more than 30 years already. For now, our elders want us to talk about it properly so we don't have to go to court anymore because when we were first talked about it, they planned that they would just want to add 40,000 pesos payment for grandma's land but my Aunt doesn't want it because she wants it back co'z it's the only memory Grandma left for us. On May 13th (Lola's 40 days) we will gather and talk about it again. Hopefully, we can settle it peacefully without fighting for the rights of Lola's land.

I am still glad that even though Lola's gone already, my Aunt is still here with me and helping us with everything. She even gave my husband a job here. A Pepsi delivery driver. I never thought that my Aunt is also a shareholder of Pepsi Company here in Baguio. We also decided to eat separately from Aunt's house since hubby had a job already because I'm also shy already that we're still leaning on them until now. But even so, they still send us a dish every night here at home so I can still save somehow.

I'm still really thankful that we're back here in Baguio. I no longer feel like I am alone. I am also thankful because somehow I can see the change in my husband. He has nothing to say to my family here because he was fully accepted and my family is still helping him to start over again for us. I also always tell him to look at how the lives of the people here have improved, that they have all just started in hardship and are just trying to work hard in life. Even my family here always tells and preaches him to just work harder because that's where they all started here, to work hard for the sake of their family. I hope that he will continue to change and that he will completely forget the bad habits in Manila.

Now that we are recovering again, I want to go back to my normal life again, especially with my online activities. Because I admit that I feel like I've been demotivated again, especially since my Lola passed away. Now I will try to focus again on the things I used to do, things that will be more helpful for us. I will try my best to get back on track again. I'm missing a lot already here in my virtual world. I missed noise.cash and read.cash as well especially my Club1BCH family, and of course I miss Rusty too, lols. Hoping that this year is way more better than my last year especially now that I'm leaving in more peaceful life and place.