Living your way will bring problems for many.

I have been putting into practice for more than a year this phrase "Live fully without expecting anything", that is what I mean, leave work from 8 to 5 and live day to day, but how am I going to eat and how am I going to buy my personal things? It has been an experience full of pain above all. Full of confusion, doubts and more... All for wanting to find that "something that completes me". That “something” is not money, fame, success, desires, goals and objectives… I know this because I consciously paid attention when I achieved certain things that I wanted.

To be more precise, the last goal I set for myself was to lead a marketing/advertising team believing that this was what I wanted, according to my “wants” and I achieved it. But it turned out it wasn't that, it turned out to be stress, allergies, illness and anger.

I was wondering how so many obstacles can be possible if it's supposed to be what I want. So much effort, so many sleepless nights, all the pressure and so on... It was my dream, why would it be so exhausting? Maybe life is not this, I told myself... and I left everything without caring about anything. So I began another adventure, different, full of uncertainty and above all, of many emotions.

To live fully without expecting anything is to do what you love, sleep when you want, eat when you want and what you want, go out when you want, express yourself as you want, forget about time, space and the simple being... But the question returns, how I do to eat and buy my personal things? I still live with my parents and I am 29 years old. It was not an easy decision to make in these conditions, however, I did it. I launched into the adventure, I decided to take responsibility for everything that this decision could entail.

Feel how they look at me, feel the rejection, feel the criticism, feel over and over again... feel... feel. You criticize over and over again. look for a job, do something, generate money, you can't stay without doing anything, what will happen to your future, blah, blah, blah... I told myself that mentally, and my parents and relatives also told me this. .

The strangest thing about all this is that I am a single person with no children, I am my only responsibility, so why should they be so upset to see me like this? Could it be that they would like to be living life as calmly as I am, without worries about a future that does not exist? Will it hurt them to see that I am not what they thought or did I simply fail their expectations? Or more commonly, it hurts them to see me like this because they "love me". (I wonder, is that really love?)

I am very aware that if I don't have money to contribute, then I have to help with the housework. The point is that sometimes I don't want to do ANYTHING. And that affects everyone. But why?.

There are many questions, and the thing is that I can't connect with that "something that complements me" and I don't feel like doing things to do... I can't do things out of obligation or because of a "It has to be that way". How difficult is it? is understand this?

Let me be, that's all I want. Letting myself be is what will lead me to complement myself with everything, with light, with the universe. Letting myself be makes me feel free. I want to know myself thoroughly, to know what I like and what I don't. Giving myself the opportunity to live looking inward is really difficult because sometimes I don't understand many things but that's all I want.

To be or not to be... you have to decide.

Thank you for the opportunity to read my texts, good vibes to all, with much love, Nati..