How to deal with break-ups?

Have you ever been into a relationship where you thought that he / she is already the one? You invested a lot to that person and even had so much plans / dreams for the two of you. Plans / dreams like about getting married, how many kids will you have, where will you build your house, etc., but then suddenly in just a blink of an eye, all your dreams / plans will no longer be fulfilled since you and your partner had broken up.

Dealing with break-ups is never that easy, even if you are the dumpee or the dumper. At first, the dumper will find some relief but as time goes by, it will haunt him / her over and over again if something messed up. For the dumpee, at first, he / she may feel like she can't get out of sadness / loneliness.

But always remember that break- ups does not mean that it is the end but it is all about starting a new. If a door closes, then surely that a lot of oppurnities may come forward. But before welcoming that new life of yours, let yourself heal first.

Here are some tips on how to deal with break-ups:

1. Acceptance

The best way for you to be able to move forward is to accept everything that happened. Accept that you are not for each other. Maybe you are meant for each other in just a short while, but not in the long run. Everything happens on purpose. A person may come and go in our life but one thing is for sure, every person that we welcomed in our life has it's purpose, either they are a blessing or you will learn a lessson from them. Forgive your ex, forgive yourself and move forward. Let go and let God.

2. Cut the connection

It is okay to unfollow them in social medias or you may even block him / her to stop seeing updates in his / her life. Having still communication with an ex right after the break-up is not healthy. Give yourself enough time to heal after the break-up. But yes, it is okay to be friends with your ex but do not engaged in that situation right after the break-up.

Even things that you see like his / her gifts to you or even items that he / she left in your area, get rid of them. You may throw or even keep those in a place where you may not often because the more you see them, then the more you will not forget them. The longer you look at that item, the longer you will take time to heal. Put the past behind, stop the communication / connection with your ex for you to move forward.

3. Never ignore how you feel

Some people hide what they truly feel but destructing your feelings is just a way of running away from the reality. Destructing how you feel may make you feel better in a short while but the reality may hit you once in a while. Never avoid what you really feel, allow yourself to be sad / grieve but be careful that it may cause negative effect in your life. Give yourself time to heal, never fake how you feel, never ignore how you really feel because it may be a hindrance for you not to be able to move forward. Be real with yourself, take time to focus on your feelings.

Listen to sad music because it may bring peacefulness. Crying is mood boosting. If you feel like crying, then cry, cry as long as you can. After crying you may feel relieved. So go on and listen to the break-up playlist in your phone.

Emotional grudges is not healthy because it might affect your future relationships negatively.

4. Focus on yourself

Do whatever you feel like doing. Treat yourself. Buy yourself new clothes or buy your favorite food. Relax. Go to places you want to go. Pamper yourself.

5. Try new things

When you are in a relationship, you do not own your time because some of your time are alloted to your boyfriend / girlfriend. Now that you are single, you can do whatever you want to do. You own all your time. You may find a new hobby. Never do things that you and your ex are doing. Forget about your ex.

6. Spend time with your family / friends

Your family serves as your support system this time. Everyone may leave you but a family will never ever leave you, blood is thicker than water, not always but if you have a good relationship with your family then you can count on them this time. Or if you are not comfortable talking about what you are up to then atleast talk to your friends whom you always count on, tell them if what you are up to, verbalizing on how you feel may give you some relief. Atleast it may take away some pain that wants to burst inside.

7. Do not rebound

You need to stay single if you are not still really healed. New partner may make your feelings better but this relationship is just a destruction and may make you from getting hurt in the long run. Before entering into a new relationship, let yourself heal first. You can't make a good / healthy relationship if the foundation is not that strong. Do not use others for your own temporary happiness. It is never good to use someone in order for you to runaway from the things that you need to face. Never put band aids to fresh scars, let it heal first.

8. Keep in mind that there is no turning back

Sometimes you need to burn bridges to stop yourself from crossing them again.

If you have a difficulties to stop yourself from moving forward then get a piece of paper and write things about your ex if why you are not compatible. Write negative things about your ex and everytime you find yourself wanting them to comeback just take a look at that paper and keep on re-reading them for you to stop the idea of them coming back.

*Most people think that moving on is just a matter of time. It always depends on the person if how long will it take him / her to get over a break-up. Moving on has no timeline. Pain always demands to be felt as they say but it is always your choice on how long you will let it. Why not choose to be happy again and tell pain to stop?

Everything happens on purpose. But as for the moment, enjoy being single. Never be too desperate on having in a relationship again. Heal yourself first. Haste will always makes waste, remember that. Just trust the process.