"The letter of our lives is not written with ordinary ink, but by the spirit of God. God changes us by writing His word on our hearts for others to read."

It's the end month of September, and here I am sitting alone, thinking and doing some of my school tasks in our sala. I am having an emotional, mental, and financial crisis right now I can say. Lots of school fees queueing to pay, other than that, I also have some of the basic needs, like food to eat, load for our blended face-to-face and online class, and materials needed for our face-to-face laboratory class, name it. And the fact that my both separated parents were both jobless, hence I needed to work, and manage my time wisely between studies and work, to support my studies.

Now sitting here, I've got so burned out thinking about my current situation right now, like, I really got so burned out, exhausted both in ways that I could never get to understand, why in the first place my once peaceful and good life, my whole and happy family all ended up the way I never expected and imagined it to be.

There were times, especially when I'm all alone by myself. When my senses and thoughts dwell on my current situation right now, I think I could never get to cope with it, thus, I always try my best just to avoid thinking about my current situation, cause just the thought of it makes me so madly insane, like, I could never get to understand myself, what I feel, I don't know, that's why I never want my thoughts subsides to my problems and woes in life. I don't think I could ever take and handle it sanely.🥺

There were times when I thought if I would rather just quit my study, to support myself and my two younger siblings, but the thought of me quitting my studies also kills me, like, my pride won't just let me quit like it would be my greatest loss of I would quit now, thinking about my good standing in our school, my good grades, and the likes. But the thought of me working gravely while studying also kills me, mentally, emotionally, and physically, it really drains me to the point that there was nothing left of me, not even my soul.😢 Everything is eating me up, and I do not know what to do anymore, I badly wanted to quit at the same time I wanted to finish my studies and graduate with flying colors and pursue med school. Right now, my two younger siblings, my dreams, and the thought that God's plan for my life is the best are what keep me going.✨

People around me think, I'm okay that everything is okay, that I can handle everything that nothing is wrong, that I have it all figured out. Since I'm not speaking up about my situation right now, I am just going on with the flow like nothing is wrong. But deep inside, I'm so hopeless, crying, exhausted, and on the verge of giving up, I'm so torn right now.😭

But no matter what or how hard the storms of life may hit me, still, I know deep in my heart, and I believe that even before I have taken this path, this was already planned and written by the mighty hand of God even before I started my journey. I've got millions of reasons to quit, but I have this reason I am holding on to, it is the greatest promise of God for me and you, that was written in the book of Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the Plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, Plans to give you Hope and a Future."

So no matter how many stones this life may throw at me, storms and waves that may drown me, I may stumble and fall, a bucket of tears I may cry, I will stand still, cause I know deep in my heart, that I am not alone, I will never be, cause God will never ever leave me nor forsake me. I will keep on holding on to His promises for me and you. God will fight my battles in life for me. So as with every one of you here.

I will keep on going regardless of the odds. I will keep on faithing no matter how tough this life may lead me. As for you my friend who is on the verge of quitting and giving up right now, please hold on still, keep afloat, and remember that when God is silent, He is doing and preparing something great for you. I am praying for you, to whoever is struggling right now, I may not know you, but God does.

Hello! my fellow read cash, thank you for sparing some of your time to read my article again, just badly wanted to rant and vent out my thoughts right now, the cause seems like I couldn't contain it all at once, so I'd rather share them with you all here. No judgements. Thank you again. Let us all be blessed!

I would love to read your share of thoughts below in the comment section if you have some. Better days ahead! I love you all!