30-1 My little sanctuary..

May 26, 2022

When speaking of gratitude, I have a lot on my mind. It is a given that I am grateful to my parents as most children do. They are my source of life and me being one of their offspring is a blessing.

But the person that made me change my outlook in life and teach me everything is my son. I am just too glad to have him in my life. The love of my life, my happy pill, my sanctuary.

When he came to my life, I admit I was not prepared physically and emotionally. I was doubting myself if I can fulfill my duties as mother to him. But since it was my decision and I am desperately asking for it so I did all I can to be a mom to him.

He changed me and I am thankful for that.

A simple minded me always settles for what was given to me but when I was praying for a blessing my baby came. At first I was ignorant even though I saw mothers bearing child and having them on their tummy for nine months, I then ask myself " will this little penguin breath inside me?"

He came out just minutes after I lay my body on the delivery bed, I guess he's too excited to see me and breath out. lol!

Changing diapers, breastfeeding, sleepless nights,unemployed for months. I made it through because I am only thinking about him and him only.

Mum said you will never get to interpret my words until you experienced it and she's right, the happiness I felt when he came and the pain in me when he's sick is sometimes unbearable.

Before I am always thinking about on my needs and wants. Now, yes I am still buying things that I love but mostly I am buying stuffs for him and providing all his needs is my top priority. Securing his future is my ultimate goal.

My little penguin,

hey love, Mama's very thankful to you.
Now that you are growing faster I just want to tell you just do the things you love and Mama will be there to support and guide you always.
The world may be cruel to you because you are not given a complete family but know that I love you more enough to hid my selfishness in the near future for you to find the void in you and be whole.
Not thinking of it for the meantime but I know there will come a day that you will meet the person you're longing to see but for now, let Mama love you first, kay?

Thank you, for being my safe haven, I always feel the excitement every time I think of home for I know you and your warmth and comfort will welcome me.

Thank you for letting me see your smiles, those smile that saying you're thankful, and that you are loved.

I know I am not a perfect Mum and I sometimes show you my toughness, it's my way of disciplining you my love for you to know what's good and bad especially your behavior and habits. Me, being focused on my work sometimes that I'm neglecting you, I'm sorry for that. Mama sometimes need also some scolding for my negligence and I will solely accept the punishment for that.

Having you is a blessing and you complete me and I thank you for that.
Let me love you for life.

Love,
Mama

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!

This will be the first of the thirty days I will be making this challenge. Doing all of it in the span of thirty is undecided but will surely complete this. The reason that I decided to make this is because after my last article I can't lift my mood up. Even though I am smiling and laughing on my interactions here and in noise but the heartache I felt is still there. So I am doing this to shift my emotion into a happy one.

Thank you for reading!
@mommykim