How to Deal With Expectations and Disappointment

The less you expect, the happier you can be.

Many of our lives have its challenges.

We have aspirations, preconceived notions of what our lives should be like. We're impatient, sometimes we also feel right, worthy, like everyone owes us.

And though I refuse to admit it, I know that this is the way I sometimes feel. There's so much I like, there's so much I deserve, there's so much I'm supposed to get. I have all these scenarios of what my life is going to be like, along with all the stuff and people in it.

What's more, I want so much from myself, my skills, my abilities, and my body. Mostly, I'm not living up to these standards. I don't have the energy that I'd like to have. My body doesn't look what I want it to be. I'm forgetting to do stuff.

There's a lot of resentment, and that adds to frustration and guilt.

But this loop is a risky one. It can lead to sadness, discomfort... we feel separate, lonely, special in our pain and misery.

This longing of the ego to desire something to want something else to never be happy, widens the distance between humans, while also acting as a veil that divides us from the reality.

We're getting confused. We lack the simplicity and wonder of our daily life. We lack the communication chances.

The reality is we're both growing up at home. We are both looking for the facts in our own faulty, minimal ways.

There's a lot we can do to deal with the ego's desires and disappointments.

Notice

The first, and maybe the most difficult, is to notice. Noting the trend of thinking that is evolving. Noting the mind drifting through the downward spiral of guilt and self-flagellation.

See, I'm hoping something. Because of these aspirations, I'm sad.

Don't push yourself to stop waiting, just notice.

Realize

The next move is to understand that this is all a thinking pattern, one with well-worn grooves in your brain. Realize this isn't necessarily the thinking of your actual self. It's the thinking of the mind—one conditioned by brief perception and life.

You're not the mind. You're not that feeling.

This mind has little access to the riches of the World, however you do. You may have just forgotten about it. The curtain has been so dense.

Detach

Delete yourself from your head. Detach yourself from your body. You're none of those people.

Engage with the world

Detach, but don't let yourself lose contact with the three-dimensional universe. It could be the current limit of your life. It might also be an illusion. Yet this is a wonderful deception.

Look at the elegance of it. The elegance of the storm. The charm of a smile on the face of another human being. It's the essence of imperfect, human love. It's the wonder of nature. The elegance in all of you.

Look at the world and the life through a child's eyes. See the miracles of all this.

Develop a sense of gratitude

I can't even begin to describe how much my life changed when I started to develop a thankfulness attitude. For years, I kept a journal of gratitude in which I wrote ten things that I was thankful for every day. It doesn't matter what.

Slowly, I started to recognize the simple things of my daily life that were a lot of miracles. And then I started to notice the huge stuff.

Developing a sense of gratitude is the cornerstone for a happier life. It also tends to reduce the amount of hopes and disappointments that we sometimes experience. The less aspirations and the less disappointment you have the happier you will be overall.

Now, I can't guarantee you that if you take the above steps, you'll never have any expectations or disappointment. After all, we're all human, with healthy egos. We're not saints, nor do we expect to be saints.

And this is where the final and most critical step in this method comes in.

Give yourself grace

The only thing you can do is go deeper down the spiral to falter, to be flawed, to be human. Give yourself the grace of not meeting your standards. Give yourself the grace of being strict on yourself.

Give mercy to everyone when you're disappointed. And allow yourself the grace to be disappointed.

It may sound trite, but think of it as a cozy blanket wrapping you on a cold day. We just need a comfortable place to feel at home. When you grant yourself grace, you will build the room everywhere.

Happiness is not what we usually believe it is. Happiness that we generally think about is a transient feeling or condition.

True pleasure is the overall fulfillment of life. It doesn't have to be fine, it's just got to be ours.

Following the above steps of recognizing, remembering, detaching, communicating with the world, cultivating a sense of appreciation, and granting ourselves (and others) grace will lead to improved fulfillment in life, thereby growing our happiness.

We will be more caring and empathetic when we're happy. We exist and work in a position of devotion.