I miss my mom 🥺

Its been four months since my mom back to our province. After I read an article here in read.cash about mothers love, I can't help myself to be teary eyed. I do not know, I know that I am strong person but when it comes to my parents I easily breakdown.

I grew up close to both of my parents, maybe because I am the youngest. I rememeber when I was a child, I do not eat other vegetables aside from laing, jackfruit in coconut milk and banana heart in coconut milk. Everytime that our viand is vegetable that are not included in the list of what I eat, my mom will set aside some portion of the main ingredient such as sardines or meat so that I will have my own viand since she know that I will not eat if it is vegetable. I still remember times that she tells story before I sleep.

As I grew I have seen all the sacrifices that what my mom did for us to survive our daily life. One of it is she helped my father by selling some snacks and fruits outside our school. Honestly at first, I feel ashamed that my mom was there outside the school selling stuffs. During that time I am too stupid not to understand the situation. Later on maybe around after a week I understand why she have to do it. I even become her reliever in selling after my class. She always do things in order to help my father to earn some money.

I remember the first time that I got my mid year annual bonus, I bought a sala set for our house coz our old sala set is already not in good condition, she was surprised that there is a delivery of new sala set. I still remember how happy she is that made her cry same with her reaction when my older brother bought her a washing machine. And the time time I bring her to the mall to shop some of her personal things and to eat out, her happiness is real. She was sooo easy to please.

I am sad that I was not able to give her a better good life after I finished my studies. Yes I was able to give her some portion of my earnings before but I know that those are not enough. Coz I put my happiness first by spending on material things and by travelling. And I have some guilt feeling. Although I and my older brother are the one who supported them when they need financial help such as emergency I still feel that those are not enough for all the sarcifices of my parents.

When she had her stroke, her attitude change or maybe because she is already too old since she is now 78, her undrestanding is not same as before. And I hate myself everytime that I make patol to her. I do not want to try to justify it, but maybe because of my hormones because I am pregnant that time thats why I make patol to her. Oh my gosh my tears are falling while typing this 😁. Maybe I just miss her so much that I want to go to our province to see her and introduce to her my little one.

Now that I am a mother, I appreciated more all the things that my mom did for us. A mothers love is realky unconditional. Is it true that whatever your age is when you got home the first time you will ask is "where is mom".

To those who are with their mom make sure that you will made them feel the love that you have for them. Coz there would come a time that you want to show that love but it is already too late. Thats why everytime that I had a chance before I always hug my mom and tell her I love her. I am not a perfect daughter but I know in my heart that I love my parents so much. And losing them is one of my greatest fear.