In darkness, not

I switched off the lights and counted till ten,

Pitch black at first, a little less after that,

I closed my eyes and counted again,

I opened my eyes and saw darkness then,

But in moments later, I saw again.

Darkness is frightening most times. When I think of darkness, the thought of it or even reading or saying the word itself gives me the creeps. But the truth is, it is in darkness that we can hear better, we listen better, our other senses are more attuned to our surroundings and it is where we sometimes learn to find light, literally and figuratively.

I used to think that when in darkness, we won’t be able to see but I realized that when we open our eyes and wait for a bit, our eyes would readjust itself to be able to see again. But I do realize that it is only when there is a glimmer of light, shining from somewhere, that our eyes are able to adjust itself. But in pitch black darkness, I am not sure if the eyes could readjust itself. I tried to remember if I have ever been in total darkness, where light was nowhere to be found and seen.

What happens when your eyes can’t see, when they cannot open anymore? It is a frightening thought but it is what the blind has to live with everyday. For one to be born in darkness or to have their sight taken away from them, either due to an accident or illness, I admire their courage to keep going. I am not sure if I am able to do the same.

Once, my brother and I challenged ourselves to swim in a public pool without goggles. We wanted to try and ‘see’ in the water. We dipped our heads into the water, swam like the way we usually would but with our eyes opened in the water. It wasn’t easy but we kept trying. I would have preferred to wear my goggles but just for the fun of it, we continued in the pool with our eyes opened.

We were quite proud of ourselves, having able to swim without goggles and being able to see in the pool. We couldn’t wait to tell our parents. But when we were about to step out of the pool, my eyes started to sting. I tried to open them but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. It gave a similar stinging feeling as when I cut onions. It hurt to open and all I could do then was to keep them closed. Even when they were closed, it stung and my eyes were tearing so much.

My parents rushed me to the hospital and although it was a short journey, it felt excruciatingly long. All the way there, I just saw darkness and I felt darkness. There was no certainty then that my eyes would be all right and I remembered then, I was on the verge of losing my mind thinking I could lose my eyesight, no longer able to see. Every step was agonizing because I couldn’t see. My imagination started running wild and it wasn’t a happy one.

The emergency doctor on duty helped to clean my eyes by gently spraying water and he gave eye drops to help relieve the pain. It was the chlorinated water he said. When there was too much chlorine, which was what the pool had, the eyes may not be able to take it. My brother could take it but I couldn’t.

I was asked to continue with the eye drops every few hours for a few days until the eyes got better. I was in darkness for a day or two and I had to be led to everywhere I needed to go. It was one of the most frightening experiences for me, not being able to see, feeling useless throughout the duration and that was only for a day or two.

The eyes is one of the most sensitive and delicate parts of a human body and when we do not care for them, we risk losing our sight for good. After that incident, I made sure I wore goggles when I went swimming and I stopped opening my eyes in the chlorinated water.

I was lucky because the eyes could heal with medication. But how about those who were not? I sometimes tried to imagine what would happen if I lose my eyesight which I almost did. I couldn’t and I don’t know if I ever could. I know it takes a lot of courage, a great amount of will power and patience to pick oneself up in darkness, to live again and I admire those who do.

Darkness, whether it is in literal sense or figuratively, when we are in it, we need to find our glimmer of light, to keep trying and to not give up. If we do, the moment we give up, the moment we stop doing anything about it, that is pretty much the end of it and in darkness we shall be for a long time, especially so if we stay on a spot and refuse to do anything about it. We can only be in darkness for that long, after which, our brain would start to imagine things and it is not somewhere we would want to go to, if there is a choice.

This is my freewrite to @JonicaBradley’s Writing Prompt #4: Darkness: https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley/writing-prompt-4-darkness-30499827