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thanks for giving me space to write

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Avatar for lerkfrend
Written by   82
6 months ago

I did not expect to find a community that would accept my writing. I did not expect to find a site that paid for my writing. It's created a very strong incentive for me to continue plying my craft, practicing my limited skill.

I don't know what I would've done for the last few months otherwise. Surfed the web, learning and forgetting little nuggets of information, distracting myself from the troubles of my workplace and the world at large.

I would've played Hearthstone until the RNG drove me literally crazy. I would've sank days into Stardew Valley 1.5. I would've gone through game development tutorials that I'd forget in a few weeks, or watched endless Starcraft and skateboarding Youtube videos.

There's nothing wrong with that. But there isn't much right.

We can tell, can't we? When our lives aren't matching up with our dreams and goals. I've always wanted to write, and here I am. Why has it been so hard?

Having even a small audience helps! I did not realize this. I've been too scared to put myself out there. Even if some of the love comes from a bot, it is a boost to one's confidence, and I feel that I'm having a slightly larger human impact as well.

I remember first perusing read.cash a few months back. It was intimidating, seeing dollar values next to articles and thinking, "That can never be me, I've got nothing to say that anyone will care about."

Well that's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You're never going to write those thoughts down if you feel like they are useless. But this "useless" is a lie based on insufficient information. We can't know what others are thinking until we communicate with them.

Language is a necessary human function. It's how we continue to flourish despite all the problems we create, all the challenges of nature. We can share information, and written information is particularly special: it can time-travel.

I'm trying to convince myself that this humble effort is worth it. I think I'm succeeding, but at times I suffer from extreme self-doubt, misgivings about my attitude and actions.

This week has been particularly hard for me. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm struggling in dealing with my work superiors and my local government. My parents seem more and more disconnected from the world at large. Occasionally I feel untethered from reality entirely.

I think about my brother's son, my nephew. I wonder what sort of world view he's developing, how in or out of tune it might be. Can I really judge this sort of thing? Am I in tune?

I wish I could start over, but that thought is meaningless for so many reasons.

I'm tired and rambling. I want to write my truest thoughts. I want to read other's truest thoughts. I think it would help me feel like things matter.

I want writing to be like money:

  • a store of value

  • a medium of exchange

  • a unit of account

What are our most valuable thoughts? Are we exchanging these with each other? Are we progressing in our thinking?

It's hard to judge these sorts of things, and it's definitely not a one-size-fits-all solution. Individuals need to make this value judgment for themselves.

I'm pleased when a bot says I did good, but it's not even reading my words.

Likewise, I could get paid a decent salary somewhere for doing abominable things to the world.

This isn't easy. I'm going to say this a lot I guess, for myself as much as you. Staring at this white, editable expanse below is a moment of reckoning. Am I trying to fill space or really say something?

(

Even now I'm thinking to myself, "This article seems too short to get attention from Rusty."

I refuse to pen a paean.

I'm much more declarative and certain here than anywhere else.

Is this a side-effect of language, all these statements of "being"? I am, this is....

How can we resolve this either/or meaningfully?

What is my identity?

My public thoughts and writings are small emissions from my event horizon.

)

Thanks for sticking with me through this loose collection of thoughts. I'm working on a few more polished articles for the next few weeks on the following subjects:

  • Capybaras as meme-able BCH mascots

  • Ampleforth, an interesting attempt at solving currency problems

  • Tarot, an introduction to my methods

  • Personal growth and assessment, in my "flow states" series

Check my profile for more articles on related topics, and maybe subscribe if I haven't bored you to death.

I'd love any feedback you have. I respond well to constructive comments. If you can explain why I might be wrong, I'd really appreciate it.

Lead photo from Pexels, in the public domain.

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Avatar for lerkfrend
Written by   82
6 months ago
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Comments

I have always been a fan of yours since day one. No joke!

$ 0.05
6 months ago

i could tell, heehee.

$ 0.00
6 months ago

Wow I like your article. I enjoyed reading it :) you really express yourself in writing.

$ 0.00
6 months ago

thanks, that's the idea, haha.

$ 0.00
6 months ago

Hey. I just wanna say that you didn't bored me on this article. I actually enjoyed reading this. I enjoy reading articles about this. Just raw thoughts. 'Cause I myself is also writing this kind of article. And truly, I love it when Rusty noticed my article even though. I just feel like my thoughts were being recognized, even though it's just a bot.

$ 0.10
6 months ago

it is weird, but getting robot recognition helps, hehe. thanks for reading.

$ 0.00
6 months ago

true! hahaha it's just funny how the bot can play with our emotions lmao

$ 0.00
6 months ago

You really have a lot of words to say 😁

$ 0.03
6 months ago

i tried to be short and sweet. this was shorter than a lot of my articles!

$ 0.00
6 months ago

Haha.. Sana all

$ 0.02
6 months ago

I strongly agree with you on the effects of writing. Sometimes wandering a bit is good enough to free yourself from the heartache caused by the troubled world we live in. In addition, receiving tips, even from a bot, does not fall badly on the wallet. My comment is a sample, that others like you, are also here, they read your thoughts and some of you take away. In the process, you too get rich from the interaction. I am pleased to find people like you, who have something interesting to tell, even when they wander.

$ 0.10
6 months ago

i have noticed you on other articles, with very thoughtful comments, and you do not disappoint!

My comment is a sample, that others like you, are also here, they read your thoughts and some of you take away. In the process, you too get rich from the interaction.

you've said this very well. thank you for making this community better.

$ 0.00
6 months ago

you've said this very well. thank you for making this community better.

You're welcome. I enjoyed reading your article, and somehow, I also identify with you. Thanks for tips.

$ 0.00
6 months ago

Oh even if you are very busy just find time to relax. Your writing has paid off because little bot notice it. .And this platform is a very huge place, giving each of us a space to write. That's why I just keep on writing before even the bot never noticed me. Writing is my stress releiver diverting my mind from thinking other things.

$ 0.10
6 months ago

i'm glad i found this community. i definitely plan on writing a lot, hehe. thanks.

$ 0.00
6 months ago

Goodluck in your Journey 😇💚 And welcome to read. cash 🥳

$ 0.00
6 months ago

I liked reading your article. Here it is good to write about your past or present life, about your goals, aspirations, write about anything that inspires you to write. I will be looking forward to reading your next articles. I invite you to write in the Community of Good Karma. Read the community creator's articles and join us in sharing Good Karma with everyone. You think? I'm giving you half of the money they gave me so that you can share it too and write about it in the community.

$ 0.10
6 months ago

i may write in a community, but i like that i'm not writing for any specific acceptance standard. thank you for your comments.

$ 0.00
6 months ago

I agree. I write what I like anywhere, in any community. With no intention of bothering you or anything else I like inspirational posts and the way you did it I think you will do very well in any community.

$ 0.00
6 months ago