Personal Vlog: Failed Ambition Part 2 "Meeting my Father"

I met my father when I was 5 years old, during my kindergarten days. At that time, I didn't know the current situation of my parents. I didn't know that their relationship has started to fade. All I knew is that my Father is working and is not always at home.

When he left, he gave me a two-peso coin. I remember the old Philippine 2 peso coin with Carabao and Coconut tree design. And it's an old coin, so it's heavy. He patted my hair and said goodbye. I just smiled and looked at his back when he walked away.

And I didn't know that this will be the last time. That I will see him because my mother brought me to her hometown here in Cebu. I grew up without a Father. Feeling empty inside. But what can I do? I'm just a child.

So, Meeting my Father is one of my Ambitions in life. I just wanted to meet him and what he looks like. Because I forgot his face. I forgot his last smile and facial expression when I last time saw him.

I will always excitedly write about this when I was young. I'am so positive that I will meet my father again. But when I grew up, I realized that it's not easy as I used to think it will be.

And the biggest factor is always money! How can I meet my father if I don't have money? He's too far away from where I'am living. When I wanted to see him before, there was excitement but when I grow up and became mature. It's difficult.

I tried to send him a letter but I didn't receive a reply. So, I didn't do it again. Until I reach this age. I didn't have a chance to meet him. My Mom went to a certain faith healer and she said that my Father's soul is lingering around her. My mom was shocked knowing that my Father is already dead.

Upon hearing this, I don't know how to react at all. It's unfair that he's been dead that I didn't even see him for the last time! Again, what can I do? I can't just fly where he is. And I don't know where! It's another failed ambition that is hard to achieve. But in my heart, I'm still hoping that he's okay and still alive.

But we cannot believe it easily. It's just a faith healer's instinct and prediction. I didn't see him in my dreams too. Yeah, It's impossible for him not to appear in my Dreamland where there are full of ghosts that I didn't know most of them.

But what if? My Father is one of them? That he's dead. And even if he appeared in my dreams. I didn't recognize him as I forgot what he looked like? What am I talking about here? Lol. But yeah, I always dreamed of ghosts. And I'm thankful that they let me relax in my sleep lately. No Dreams and nightmares because it was conquered by only one person lol.

No matter what it is. I don't want him to die. At least I still have hope to meet him. But If he is dead. There's no hope for me at all. It will be forever a failed Ambition of mine.

leejhen 🤍

You may like to read the first Part...

Part 1 College Degree

https://read.cash/@leejhen/personal-vlog-failed-ambition-part-1-college-degree-283889c7

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