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Quick disclaimer. This article is from the author’s own perspective and was not made to send hates on the opposite gender (because we are all imperfect individuals, thus, everyone can hurt anyone unintentionally and not all individuals are bold enough to purposely hurt anyone), but instead, this article serves as an eye-opener to everyone that we, women, deserves to be treated right and to get our acts together in finding the right person. If you think some statements have hurt or offended you, you are free to leave the article alone and please do not send hates on the comment section.
Thank you and have fun reading!
As a woman myself, I see standards as “just” standards, especially in finding someone I can live with, long-term. I don’t overthink about it, but it’s just right there, sitting inside my brain every day. Probably just a certain plain level of bucket list of a man I’d want to live with (well, not until I got to meet the man of my life, 5 months ago). Long story short, he literally took over my own standards and he is way better than what I was looking for in a man. Standards makes us, women, picky (for some people’s eyes, of course), but raising your standards in men as a woman, also means, raising yourself to the level of the man you’d love to have in your life.
How does it work, then
You cannot just plainly say you would love to have a boyfriend or a husband who has a stable job or is a responsible working man that would love you all the way and would give you anything you want and need in life.
You also can never just demand and force someone (especially a man) to be the way you want them to be. That will most probably hurt their ego, thinking they’re lacking on something they must do as a man inside the relationship.
Lastly, you cannot simply put all the responsibility to a man if you are in a relationship. Your relationship is also a partnership. You are there as partners, risking, investing and putting a lot of efforts in order to stay together in the long run.
Seeking for a fair standard on a man, you must first learn how to raise your own standard as a woman. You need to level up your game. If you think he’s way better than what you are right now, learn from it and do what you must. If his goal is to finish college in time and be a successful person years after, think about your own future successes in life, too. Just because he is guaranteed for a future success, doesn’t mean you are just going to ride safely on his boat of success.
You are your own character and you must be your own success. Naturally, women do not need men, but men cannot live without women (not in a negative way, okay?). Women nowadays can just live without men as they are being toughened by their own experiences in life at a young age. In my case, I’ve been living with my parents but I was rarely being babied inside the household even if I am the youngest for over 11 years before I had a younger sister. Asian parents are tiger parents. They are literally going to do everything to tough you up as you grow.
There’s this saying (I might type it in a different way but the idea is still the same) that goes “A successful woman only has either of the two: a very supportive man, or no man at all.” Women starts to have these standards because they seek love and affection. They have these standards in men that they think they must be met or else, they are not fit for themselves. They are tough alone, but fragile when in love. If you get to fall in love unexpectedly, your standards will never be the same standards you think you have written inside your head. Your standards will be very ridiculous and funny to you when you get to meet the man who will make you feel different about yourself.
If you may ask, “What are these standards most women do have inside their heads?” That is a very difficult question to answer but I will tell you how I exactly see my answers based on my own opinion.
First, the capacity of the man’s patience. Understanding women will be very difficult (I knew it since I have a circle of guy friends I have been with, since I was 4), especially on their red days. We confuses them most of the time but they will always find time to see through what we, women, mean and what we really want. Most men are straightforward and us, women, are mostly having so much stems and ideas scattering inside our brain before we could tell them what we really want and I think that is a challenge to all men in general. A man will definitely never pass my standards if he is impatient and gets tired of certain things easily (in all aspects). I mean, we all get tired but a real man with good and life-long intentions to be with you will never make up reasons to be tired of you.
Second, how he treats his mother, sister, grandma and all of his female relatives and friends. The way he treats every woman in his life before you could even enter it, says it all. No man can never be nice and kind to you continuously through the years (as what he promises you) if he is not treating all women in his life well enough. Some guys can be very stubborn and quirky towards their parents but becomes very sweet if given the perfect timing and I think that’s all nice. All women should see it through, the first time you’ll be seeing all of his relatives. Be extra observant, and you’ll definitely know if he’s the one for you. A good son will always be a good husband. Think life-long, girl.
Third, how consistent and understanding he is since Day 1. Consistency and understanding is the key to a near-to-perfection relationship. We all have bad days and I think having a partner needs both of your consistency to get your relationship work and level up in the following years. Not just him, but also you, woman. Consistently telling and reminding your partner how important he is and how contented you are with your relationship means a lot to your man, I swear. It will motivate them to do more and be more as a man.
Fourth, how he sees you as his future wife. Being in a relationship means investing for your future together. Investing your time, effort, and even your money will be a big risk but knowing that you are both on the same lane in your relationship, you will both have so much reason to stay in love and choose to be with each other. Be with the man who sees you with his future self, together. Be with the man who is willing to be there when tough times come in your way as a couple. Be with the man who will never think of leaving you alone when you’re on your worst days. It takes a lot of thinking and a lot of love for a man to tell you how much he wants you in his lifetime and I think that totally adds up as a big reason on why I should keep the man I love today.
Fifth and the last one, how he gets all excited to spend time with you all the time. Men will always become fragile and soft when they’re with the woman they love. They keep their guards down and they want to be babied (most of the time). Well, that’s what my man does, naturally, even if he’s two years older than me and that’s the reason why I am slowly trying to become more responsible of my actions as a woman. You can always see the excitement on his eyes. His smiles when you’re with him or even if you’re with your circle of friends will always say that he is definitely in love. He always look forward on the day or time you’ll get to see each other and I think that is just so cute.
Thinking about these standards I’ve set for the man I have always wanted, I just basically described my boyfriend right now. He’s nice and funny most of the time but he also gets serious when the matter is all about me and us. I think finding the right man really has a set standard for us women but it really doesn’t mean that when you have a single standard left on your list, doesn’t make the man you love, less than a man he is. I mean, standards can fade away for some time when you fall in love in an unexpected way in the most unexpected person you’ll meet.
I’d like to sincerely thank @Ayane-chan and @Codename_Chikakiku for always being so generous on every articles I made (so far). Thank you for the support and encouragements. I’ll continue to work on my articles and be better on writing as time goes by.