I don’t know if it is just appropriate to share this with you but I don’t have any option to choose. I just want to have a safe space where I can release the weight of the burden, I’ve been carrying these past few days. To be honest, I am uncomfortable with this idea due to my past experiences but I need to free this boggling emotion inside me, or else something worse may happen.
Upon reading the title, I bet you’ve got an idea that this article will be about family and stuff or something like that. But before you proceed, let me just warn you that this may trigger some emotions. I advise you to just read my other articles.
Ever since I was a child, I became a witness to how violent my father is. Although, he is not abusive like the one you see on typical teledramas where the husband is going home drunk and will punch his wife like a punching bag. I will just describe him as an explosive waiting to be lit.
There’s an occasion where he beat me because he thought I pushed the chair intentionally because of annoyance. I remember that it was New Year’s Eve and I have a bruise on my face.
My parents often argue because of me back then. I am their first child and I am also the one who always gets sick. I don’t know exactly if they arguing because of me getting sick or are they just arguing because of financial problems that I am also the reason. Nevertheless, I remember that they will push me out of the room so I can’t see them fighting. Though it’s pretty useless as I can hear them shouting at each other.
As I grew up a bit and reached the age of 7-10, I noticed that the fights are been gradually stop. But those are replaced by other issues like cheating and dishonesty in relationships. As an only child at that time, I am the only one that my mother can lean on. I saw my mother cry over the things that my father has done and as a result, the way I perceived my father has changed. They already fix the problem and everything was brought to normal but the memories will be forever engraved in my mind.
Now that they tried doing online business, they talked about nothing but money. While eating? Money. While watching a movie? Money. They even argue because of this nonsense sht. Shouting at each other like they didn’t aware that we have neighbors listening to them.
I know some of you may say that this is pretty normal because of the situation right now where almost everyone is having financial difficulty because of pandemic but I can say we are an exception. My father is earning a sufficient wage to just the right to live decently. He is working on a leading drugstore in the Philippines and considered a front liner where he often receives a proper risk fee.
My point is, why they need to be obsessed like that when in the first place we are just fine when it comes to the financial aspect. Like if money is the root of the problem, why do they just stop? If they feel that this stuff is so important to talk about, why don’t they just talk about it in a private manner and calmer state?
As a young adult, I often realized that this is not home anymore because I never found the peace, I am expecting from them. To be honest, they are the one who causes me stress. This is maybe the reason why I always stay late at night where they are all asleep – everything is quiet and peaceful. I wish I can move out soon and pursue the peace and happiness I am longing for.
Home is not home anymore you can’t find and feel the peace.
You may like my recent articles...
That so sad Cpt. :/ try talking to them by heart "all is well"