I Also Dreamed To Be An Artist, But...

This article will be about insecurities regarding my hands. I can't think of other topics to write about due to my flexibility in writing on other blogging platforms. It is my only time to write as I am overwhelmed with school and personal chores. Living alone sucks.

Every time I look at short videos like Reels, TikTok, and Shorts, where they create art using their hands, I can't help but take a look often in my hands. Why do the paintings and posters that I'm making is not pretty and realistic rather than my imagination? Why can't I be artistic like I'm watching on my phone? Even drawing a stickman is not that perfect. I even find a significant similarity to my artwork in the work of a Kindergarten student as I have slow creativity. If I were given the power that talent can possess, I would choose art. Does it sound so obvious? As I said, it is not just in my niche.

I remember my teacher ordered us to draw the diagram of an egg to serve as our lecture, and the president of our suddenly passed by. He ironically commented on my art, and I immediately checked the artwork of my seatmate. We looked at each other's art and couldn't hold our laughter as it seemed so ugly. Likewise, we are teasing each other artworks, and I can't deny the fact that my work is so messy. And also, the teacher I mentioned ordered us to draw the fish diagram. While checking our works in the coupon band, she stopped by on my work and complimented that it's like butete (a tadpole in other terms). She even showed it in the front (with face palm emoji). My other classmates, when they saw my deviant art, and good thing she didn't say my name as it would be my greatest nightmare.

My hands, compared to those ordinary guys, are not that thin. If you are eating with your curiosity, here is the photo of my hand. To be honest, I look like I have a hand of a girl. It's only a month left, and I will be turning 18 years old. However, my hand doesn't look like maturing. Maybe it is because I'm not used to doing tough chores. My hands seem soft, and I guess my palm is the lightest among my skin parts.

In regards to writing, I have lousy penmanship. They state that if you have bad handwriting, you are likely to have a high intelligence like the scientists. But as a student struggling in his academics, I beg to disagree. I know how to write, but it's not as pretty as you think. When I was in my first year of high school, my teacher in AP asked me to write notes on the board. However, she immediately returned to her senses, saying I don't have that good handwriting. Well, it's not insulting me as she's just spitting facts.

My parents are sometimes scolding me for why I'm not used to holding my utensils every time we eat. Just imagine a guy shoveling the ground; that's how I look most of the time while eating. I know how to use it right, but I'm used to holding it like I had a shovel. They are complimenting me about this matter, but I'm just shrugging them off as I don't care about them.

It seems like doing artwork is not fitted according to my hands. As far as I want to do artwork, it is not just for me. I envy my classmates because I admire how they can pull off their art without much art materials.

Thank you for reading.