There was a retired teacher I knew. The man is in love with his car… He washed, wiped, cleaned, caressed it every day. But he would not drive his car even when he was going to the bazaar, he would get on the city bus. One can fall in love with objects, objects. There are many people in love with their vineyards and gardens. The boy hijacked his father's car and crashed his car. The incident is passed on to the father. The man's first reaction was "Did something happen to the car?" is happening. It is easier to fall in love with objects, objects, things. Falling in love with people is difficult and troublesome. Because you can easily handle inanimate beings, you use them, you break them, you pour them, but they do not object to you. But are people like that? When you fall in love with a person, demands, wishes, desires, wishes and wishes begin immediately. Man is a demanding being. For this some people never fall in love with people.
They fall in love and bond with things. It is easy to handle things, to use. But you cannot handle people easily. Due to human nature, he always wants to be a master. It is easy to be a master of things, but being a master of people is difficult, troublesome. Here the trick starts here. You fall in love with a person and immediately try to dominate him, to be his master. It was easy to control things, or you want to objectify the person you fell in love with immediately. A couple came to me for therapy. The young man started to use words indicating that he was supervisor, leader, authority as he entered my side. “Sir, I graduated from two universities. I have read all the books about your profession. I am a self-developed person, ”he said. A typical narcissist profile… He has been married for 3 years and has a 1-year-old son. The woman has now left her home because of this man and went to her father's house. Now, if she comes to the psychologist and gets treatment, the woman will come back. "How do you feel with your wife?" I asked the woman. “Sir, I feel like an item, like that bag,” she said. Here some
spouses try to objectify their spouse in order to be master. It starts from here in conflict. These couples, who got married after 5-6 years of dating, divorce after a month. There is not much objectification during the dating and engagement period. But when the marriage takes place, both parties begin to put pressure on the other and to make him belong. Then he came to us and said, “Sir, there is a tissue incompatibility between us. We cannot get along, we will divorce ”they say. But if this master-slave relationship takes place, the marriage will go on blindly. The wife of a retired officer was coming to therapy. The man made the woman a complete slave. During this time the man died. The woman came to me for therapy a few days later. “Sir, I have never been this happy. The man is dead… I got rid of the man. There is no longer someone who criticizes me, swears or shouts from morning to night. "I did not sleep until the morning, joyfully, the day he died." The easiest way to turn a person into an object or an object is torture, torture, and destruction. First, all his freedom is taken away. The more a partner accepts, the higher the dose. After a while, you will have a slave. You too will experience the painful pleasure of satisfying your ego. Unconscious marriage speeds up this process. For this, western societies have now removed marriage from their lives. That's why people fall in love with animals, things and cars. It is easy to handle them, to manage them. But man has mind, he has freedom.
Therefore, it is difficult to manage people. If you start going through this vicious cycle, so will love and love will end. But it changes if you really love it. Real love, what is love? True love; It is to give the other person the freedom to be himself. If you set him free, let him be your own, that relationship lasts for life. When you act like that, you can't have it. You cannot master him. You cannot dominate it. Nothing is guaranteed. Everything can change at any time. If you can bear all this, you can find true love, true love, true peace. Don't try to change, objectify, and possess your spouse, child, mother, father and loved ones. Do you ever go out to the garden and say to the cherry tree, "You must be a plum tree"? If you accept every person as they are and let them express themselves freely, you win.
