Mother's Guilt

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4 years ago

A mother's love to her children is unconditional. She would do anything for them.

As a mom, how do you discipline your kids?.. I am a child who grew up with great fear towards my parents. Their way of teachings is authoritative. The man who has the great authority at home is always my father. We were hit sometimes with belt or worst belt buckles to give us the consequence of our mistakes. We are therefore in a strict home policy.

When I was so little, I never understood why we are being hit and sometimes I would feel hate against my parents. I felt manipulated for being told what to do and not to do.

As we grow, we learn to choose things that are best for us. My siblings and I became professionals and our good decision making has made us a great pride to our parents.

We became parents. Then, I realized parenting isn't an easy peasy task. Being a mom isn't just about changing diapers and feeding my children, bringing them to bed after bath, etc...

The part that I hate most is the disciplining. How do I do what my parents did when my heart is too weak to see a child crying in pain?? At times when I'm at my boiling point I get to hit them on their mouths if they ever talk back. Sometimes on their hands when they carry somethings what is told to them not to touch.

Even my words are hurtful and I see its penetrating the child so hard that makes him cry easily. I turn around for them not to see a tear coming out from my eyes.. I have to be strong to make them strong.

My children are my happy pill. But that doesn't mean I should always smile and understand them as kids. I believe they have a "built in" attitude inside and that must be managed.

As a mother, I feel guilty and think I'm a bad mother for making my children feel bad. Sometimes they have questions as if they doubt my love for them.

My parents being grandparents were too considerate with their granchildrens' bad attitude, they spoil the kids with everything! Sometimes they hit us below the belt by telling me and my husband that our parenting style is a thumbs down. They didn't remember what they did before was much worst than today.

Sometimes my parents says bad at me about how I feed my children. Then I fall guilty again for not giving them enough as their parent.

One day I asked myself if my mother ever felt the same way I am today. Always feeling so guilty because its what she's feeding my mind. 😔😔

I'm a mom and I do all my best I and give what I can afford to give my children. The most important thing is that I establish love among them siblings and for us as parents, is full respect as they grow. Soon they will build great respect for me, for sure same with other people.

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Written by
4 years ago

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kodus to parents out there who are trying to disciple their kids out of love. I'm also a mother of three and I can relate on how hard it is to raise a child. We, as parents, would want our children to grow as good kids and so disciplining them at a young age for me is still best. But then again, it is hard, most of the time I just shout at them when they are not listening or sometimes whip at the younger one because the older ones ran away from me when I try to catch and wish to pinch or whip them. lol! Explaining what they did wrong and correcting their mistake works for me. Don't feel guilty my friend, I think you're doing a good job with your kids unlike the way you are treated by your parents. Don't create a scar that you, until now, find it hurtful; create beautiful memories with them instead. Also, live separately from your parents so they will not mind you on how you raise your kids :)

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4 years ago

Words are important.. We have to explain what they did wrong fir them to learn. . We only come on weekends and holidays to visit them..

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4 years ago

We are the same who was raised from a strict family. I experienced being whipped with a belt also. And even kneeled over a salt for punishment. Our only differences- i don't have my father anymore. My stepmom is more busy babysitting her grandniece.

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4 years ago

You know what, the old time experiences are better than this generations.. Even if we were strictly raised we grew up respectful..

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4 years ago

Yeah.. I observed that.. This generations seems to evolve into impossible human beings. 😔

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4 years ago

Being a parent is harder than it looks. No words can justify it's meaning and importance. I am also a mother and there are many things that has to be considered before making even a simple decision.

I actually wrote an article about parenting. You might want to read it too.. 😊

https://read.cash/@Jdine/your-childs-mistake-is-your-failure-as-a-parent-91faafb9

This is my first ever article published here at readcash. 😅 But I hope you enjoy. 🤗

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4 years ago

Nice ill check on it later.. Papunta ako office.. Haha!

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4 years ago

I was also raised by an authoritarian parents. Sometimes I feel like we are in a military camp wherein when they tell you something, you have to follow right away without asking why you have to do it because if you ask or state your opinion you'll surely get punished. I really hate this way of discipline and as I was growing up I never had a close relationship with my parents. I was also beaten up a lot of times for simple mistakes.

Disciplining a child is indeed very challenging for parents, something I wouldn't have an in-depth understanding for now. I have an article that you might be interested in: https://read.cash/@esciisc/dear-parents-9fcc5232

My parents being grandparents were too considerate with their granchildrens' bad attitude, they spoil the kids with everything!

Grandchildren are their happiness, I've observed that from a lot of grandparents. Most of them treats their grandchildren the opposite of how they treated their children. I'm also thinking that my mom will do the same of I get a child in the future.

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4 years ago

yes.. that's what I observed from other grandparents, too. But it is also our happiness to see our children having close relationships with our parents..

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4 years ago

If you are angry with your children make sure you tell them why you are angry and speak for yourself. I have beaten up terribly with whips, chains, leather fog belts, iron chairs and cooking food poured over me, etc etc. The worst times were when I did not understand why which was most of the times.

First, you warn. You can say: I only warn once if you do not listen there are consequences.

Say: If you do this you make me angry because you break what is mine. If you spit out your food you make me angry because it costs money and it took me long. If you keep screaming my head hurts and if I have pain it makes me angry.

If you punish yourself. Do not say things like: wait till your father is home.

Make clear to your parents you do not accept how they spoil your child. Tell them you still remember the belt they hit you with.

My children know my parents hit me. Be open about that.

If you can not control yourself you have 2 options:

  1. The child has to leave to its room, goes to bed, sit on a chair and is not allowed to leave till you are no longer angry.
  2. You leave (if your children are older) and come back when you feel better.

Important is that if the punishment is over the bad mood/angriness should be over too. You can not keep mentioning it.

P.s. There is a tv program/series The supernanny (American) and there must be one in the UK. Both about raising nasty, little children who keep breaking the rules. It's about setting rules, making agreements, rewarding if they do something good, and time out if they misbehave. Perhaps it's on YouTube and of your help.

https://youtu.be/cxy-RfAV01o

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4 years ago

This is interesting! I'm gonna check on it later.. Thanks..

Yup I always explain to my children what they did wrong... It is important for them to understand so they will not hate me and become the villain of their lives like what I thought of my mom when I was a kid.. Because they never told me what I did wrong when they whip me with broomsticks and belt.. 😅

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4 years ago

If you watch some of those videos you know why you are raising your children.

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4 years ago

Parents are not born with a manual under our arms, we are learning ... sometimes it happens that in childhood our parents disciplined us in an inappropriate way, but not for that, we should be like that with our children, if it gets out of control and we are going to scold and the damage will be worse, it is better that you do not do it, breathe, calm down, if possible seek guidance that is good ...

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4 years ago

Yes you have a good point. Sometimes I just try to keep myself calm because if I lose control of my patience it's like my mind is in total black out..though It never happened but I know I will forget who I am if I lose patience.

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4 years ago