The Comforting Thought of Living Alone
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
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Thre are times when I want to live with people forever. Share a house with them, be with them, talk and laugh and just live with them. But there are also these times when I do not want to be surrounded by anyone at all. Times when I want to live alone and far from people. I even ignore the fear of being faraway from civilization as long as I am away from people.
That’s what I think about right now as I just sit under an enormous tree by the park. It’s summer, and so the wether pushed me to just wear a plain shirt and my comfiest pair of pants. I have my bag sitting on my lap to hide the rolls of fat on my belly. No one is walking around, but I still have the urge to hide it as long as I am out in public.
That’s another reason I want to be away from people. I do not want them looking at me or at my belly fat. In my head, I know that it’s fine that people will see it. That I should just let them think whatever they want to think about. But, the thought that they’ll think about me scares me so much. What if they mock me in their heads or something? I don’t know. What matters is that I am scared.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
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But I will not stand up. I’ll just stay here for a little more longer until the sun hurts my skin. I will just sit here for a while, admire the trees and the dried leaves that dance on the pavement. It’s a sunny day, it’s warm and bright. But not warm enough nor bright enough to chase away the storm in my head.
The kind of storm that makes my hands feel cold, even the soles of my feet feel cold. The kind of storm that makes me feel nervous, and it is not fun at all. Maybe if I choose right now what to do with my life in the future, then maybe the storm will calm.
Okay then, I choose to live alone. I’ll find a forest and build a cabin there and live alone. There will be no people around, my friends will be deers and rabbits and maybe even a bear- a bear whom I will train. Maybe birds will befriend me too. I’ll cook a delightful meal for all of us! And that will be very nice.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
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And it worked. The thought of the cabin, of animals turning into my friends and the forest into my home. This wonderful thought it helped me feel better. The coldness is gone from my hands, and instead I now feel warm. I can feel the sun again. And my feet no longer feel like they will give up on me once I take a step forward to walk. Right now, it feels like my feet are up for an adventure instead.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
My feet make me want to go to the nearest forest and start imagining a life in it. But the warmth of the sun reminded me not to live in the nearest forest. I could visit it, but not live in it. I should go somewhere far away where I can walk and run barefoot and don’t have a care in the world. The warmth of the sun in my skin is like a promise that it will be there no matter where I go.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello! This post is a combination of a prose that's purely fiction and a bit of reality. The imagination part is me in the park, the rest is based in reality : p
Thank you very much for giving it a read!
IMAGE SOURCES
dry leaves
part of a big tree
backless
running away
butterflies in a cave
https://weheartit.com/entry/322897454
lead image
Sometimes I also want to go and live in a quiet place, alone like in middle of the forest. Living with a lot of people sometimes makes me depressed sometimes differences of opinion lead to fights.