I had... my First Kiss...

I just missed someone... My first love...

Anyway, let me share you my past life personal experience again haha.

I had a first love... It was a girl.. Same sex relationship. Thou... I don't know if this is really what we call love...

When I was born... I had 2 gender (physical) I had that and that. After examining me, the final result is I am a Girl... Growing up, my heart is a Boy. hahaha. Confusing right? Perfect for my name Joshua for boy Mariele for girl lol. I have a heart of boy, but the look of the others and my gender is female.

I like girls. I am more comfortable being a guy, male.. I act as a boy even until now.. My other relatives still think of my as girl and don't accept me as who I am, I mean... they don't accept me as a tomboy.

I used to have someone I like...

When I was 7 years old... After I discharged in the hospital, the day I had accident, we went home and I learned that we had a new neighborhood from my aunt's small apartment that she owns... So yeah, there's a new neighbor, new faces. That's... how I found her... my first person I like.

I don't know how to explain.. I just... suddenly like her... I know we were just kid and we were just only 7 years old. Crush thingy. Like I saw something from her, like a good aura or whatever it is.

And after seeing her, honestly, I suddenly felt confuse. So many question pop. Why my heart beat so fast.. and like I was blushing or something haha. What a cheesy thing. It's just a crush anyway.

She was shy and always hide behind her mother. We're the same.. I'm also shy and doesn't have friend.. I heard she was only child. Only her mother and her came there.

One day, my mom asked me to give the food that she cooked to the new neighbor which is them. So, I take and brought it there and there, we met each other after that. Her name was Peachy. She's not chubby but her cheeks was like a peach, lol what am I saying. We introduced each other and and became friend little by little... Just like me, she doesn't trust other people.. She doesn't want to hang out to other kids, she was also bullied from her previous place.. We're the same. But... not totally the same, her body is complete and she doesn't have problem with her body, unlike me... She was bullied because, she doesn't have father and her mother was young. I think her mother got pregnant in early days. I understand that feeling of being bullied by other people. So we just stick to each other.

Day by days.. we really became super friends.

When we turn 9, her mother is working and always comes late, sometimes she came on the next day. Peach oftentimes sleep with us or I sleep with her. My mother was permitted me to sleep. Since they trust each other and understand the feeling of loneliness. They hired nanny for her, but she don't trust her, and I still sleep with her sometimes..

One day, it was already late, though it's not totally late, since, when we were kid, 8pm or 9pm is already late for us to go to sleep early. We both can't sleep and we sneak out to get some snacks on the kitchen.

As soon as we open the door and we silently watched our steps going to the kitchen. We saw her nanny watching tv. We got in the kitchen and get some snacks, then we're about to go back... I remember, we are near the door, then Peachy suddenly stop. She was looking at the Tv.

Her nanny is watching tv, and Peach got the attention on what she's watching. I looked at the tv they're watching and we saw a glimpse where the 2 girls are kissing. Well it's not an XXX site. it's just some kind of movie I guess. Yeah, that's how I first... learned that something like that can happen in both same gender.

In the minute later, we went back to the room and we had snacks, then Peachy and I suddenly open up this topic. Well can't blame, we were just kids and we don't know that and we're also curious... But I don't know we suddenly crossed our minds and she said to try that... Kissing...

I... made a terrible mistakes.. I made a terrible sin. We are only a kid and we're kissing!!! Hahaha.

So, after watching what her nanny is watching, we also did that. Thou we only start by simple kissing like smooching this and that. Starting from that day, we start kissing like that. But we never showed to our parents and not even show to other people. We kissed almost everyday... I came to their house, playing and... when I'm going to sleep with her. I was permitted to sleep in every once a week.

Then we turned 10 years old, to tell you the truth I got obsessed. We both got obsessed in kissing.

Like every time we came home from school or if we meet. Oh god. I really did a terrible sin.

As we soon turned to 10, our kissing has leveled up. LOL!

It's the truth... We kissed, we start moving our mouth and use the tongue. We're really actually doing like in XXX.. Oh God... I regret doing all of that. We were both obsessed on doing that. We can't even stop ourselves. Can you imagine? 10 years old doing THAT thing. But we never crossed in our mind doing the whole thing like finger or that.

I don't even know why we did that... It just happen like that.

I turned 12 and she's 11, we were busted by her nanny. The nanny told my mother but my father and my other siblings didn't know. Yeah, I know. I got a big scolding and spanking. It was also my fault in the first place... I can't... I can't even told them, that we start doing that when we were 9 years old... We only told that we learned it couple months ago only.. But still... It's really a big sin we made, I made... This is my biggest mistakes in life... Right, I didn't mention this in my article...

After that, we never see each other and I was restricted to go to their house.

A month after, they're leaving. They left and went to other City to leave. I don't know where they're migrating. We never talked after that.... There's no facebook, messanger that time. We don't know how to use the phone. No... I never had a phone back there.

It was year 2001, August we got separated...

It's almost... 20 years next month. I just suddenly remember her... I wonder how is she doing and what's she's doing right now? I'm sure she might have already a family. I'll be happy to hear that..

Anyway...

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your comments.

Yep I know... I'm a bad guy here haha.

I can't find the picture...
I will update you when I found the picture..

I will changed the cover once I found the picture of her and I...

End...

Joshua14/jiroshin

"Jiro, the Crazy Artist of #Club1BCH"