I met him when we moved from my mother's hometown in the Visayas to my father's up north in 2000. He was our neighbor and ny schoolmate as well. He was a year younger than me. He was never a nice guy when we first met. He was one of those who bullies me at school. So I never talked to him especially at school. But at home, he would sometimes talk to me but in a very awkward manner.
I never like him then since he was my number one bully. They would always poke fun of me everytime they find the opportunity. They would always call me "maraksot" which means ugly in Waray.Him,along with his friends,they never made my last year in elementary easy. So when I graduated, I was so relieved since he never did bully me in our area.
Eventhough were neighbors, we don't mingle with each other often. He would come over to our house but it's my cousins who he mingle with since they're friends with him.
I was in my second year in high school when everything changed. I was staring down from the window in the second floor of our house when I heard him called me and flashed me a smile. I was taken back with his sudden action that all I was able to do was smile back at him. Since then,he would casually talk to me about random stuffs like how was school and the likes. He would sometimes do funny stuffs which would crack me up but it never crossed my mind that there was something else.
My casual relationship with him was total change since I would sometimes aniticipate what he would do everyday. We grew closer to each other without me knowing that I'm falling for him. Im supposed to be happy but I was not. I was devastated when I realized my feelings for him since he had a girlfriend then. I get jealous everytime the girl would come over their house. Although, he would still strike a conversation with me everytime I passed by their house, I tried to distance myself cause I know I woud just get hurt.
When I entered college, I tried suppressing my feelings for him and started dating. I thought I am over him but I was wrong. I still feel excited everytime we would see each other and him smiling at me. He would sometimes dropped me off school or when there are schools activities since we are on the same university, I would hitched a ride with him. But it won't only be the two of us. They're still together with his girlfriend and since were going to same university,his girlfriend would also be with us. But he would always do some weird gestures like he would always adjust the mirror of their owner-type jeep and alligned it on my way. He would always glance at me and give me an eye smile but I would always ignore it since I know that it was nothing.
Years passed by so fast,I decided to be single for the meantime to focused on my studies since I was graduating that year. He, on the other side, was also busy with his studies and with processing his papers at the same time since he was migrating abroad then. He broke up with his long-time girlfriend then. But nothing has change. He was still the same person. He would always do what he usually does. But he would always do weird things especially everytime his male cousin is around. His cousin and I are close and we would sometimes spend time together,like he would eat together with us or he would sometimes just slouch in our "kubo-kubo" while watching and waiting for my auntie to give us our snacks. He would sometimes come over as well and acts differently like one time, I was laying down while watching tv with my cousins,my auntie, his cousin, and him,he suddenly lay down beside me. I was surprised cause he never did that but since it was not only us, I just thought of it as a random moment of him. I was just so busy with school that I really didn't pay attention at him.
During my graduation, he offerred a ride to the venue since he has his car then. Since it was not necessary for parents to be at the said event,my auntie agreed and had my older sister come along. All throughout the travel, he was jokingly complimenting how I look but I would just laugh it out although deep inside I was feeling happy. We were not able to take picture together after the ceremony has ended. I was too shy to ask him.
After a few months, he and his dad migrated to Hawaii. And I was busy in preparation of my board exam and teaching at the same time. I was able to be part of the teaching staff of a private school in Ilocos Sur. There I met my boyfriend. Because of various events, I have forgotten him. Or so I thought. I was researching online and checking on my Facebook account when his profile showed up on my screen. I sent him a friend request. But he did not accepted it right away. It took a few months before he accepted it. I sent him a private message but I never received any response from him. It took him a few months to respond. But we were not able to communicate properly since we have a different time zone. So I thought that maybe it's about time to forget my feelings for him.
My relationship with my boyfriend was going smoothly until I got pregnant. And because of my profession, I can't be pregnant without getting married so me and my boyfriend got married. And after a few months, I gave birth. I dote my daughter so much that I would always post a picture of her on my Facebook account. And then he commented on one of my photos. He commented how beautiful my daughter's smile is which ,according to him,reminds him a lot about me when we were still kids. Upon reading his comment, I felt an unusual pain in my chest which confused me. After a few minutes,he PMed me. Asking how I was and if I was happy. He was still single then. I replied back telling him how I was and that yes, I was happy. His next respond shocked me. He asked me if I would be happier if it was him. I felt that unusual pain in my chest again. I don't know what to respond. And that's when he confessed that he was and still inlove with me. All throughout those years, he was inlove with me but he never had the courage to tell me and he was scared that he might lose whatever we had. I was crying when I read that. It suddenly brings back all the memories. And the feelings that I thought I had forgotten. A lot of questions crossed my mind during that moment. Questions that will never be answered. Whatifs that could never be fulfilled.
Life usually play tricks on people. Sometimes when we think it's the right time,it is already too late. So take your chances and never be afraid. Never be afraid to try, to love, and to feel pain. To my TOTGA, I wish you all the happiness in life. Maybe this is not our time. But maybe in our next life,we don't know.
teenage relationships are lovely