What You Need To Know About Friendships
Is it really difficult to maintain friendships when you're an adult?
That's one of the things I've been thinking as I grow up. Looking at how my parents have their little circle while my high school self has a lot of groups and friendships to maintain. Back then, I was one of the social butterflies. I have a group in a certain section, I have another set of friends from our own block section... and a lot more. Then, I asked myself, how come adults I've encountered only have 5 friends? Weird.
I entered college. That's the time I realized it's a bit difficult to maintain your circles. There are a lot of excuses when we need to have a get-together. Busy schedule. We have classes.. even on weekends.
Even with hectic schedules, we still had the time (well, it's just once or twice a year) to see each other, mostly on holidays, like Christmas. I still have my grade school friends, my high school circle, and my college besties. Still, I believe it's manageable to have a lot of friends.
Then.. I needed to work. I graduated college. Work life balance, as they call it. It was difficult to have an alone time, even some time to spend for family, for partner, and for friends. It was difficult. But then, I told myself, you can still have a lot of friends, self.
Years after years, from a lot of friends --- friends became acquaintances, and the only ones left are my really close friends.
As years go by, we have our own priorities in life - family, partners, children, career. We may have grown apart from our original group of friends because of our experiences, the memories are still there.
Last May 31, I asked my friend to see me. She's having her vacation here in the Philippines for just a month. She's my classmate since 1st grade until 4th year high school, so imagine all the memories we shared together. She knew everything about me, not until she needs to go to America for good. We became busy and there were little chances to talk about each other's lives, although we ask each other if we're still alive lol.
She told me that as much as possible, she wanted to reach out to our old friends even though they don't reach out to us. She learned her lesson when one of our classmates, a friend, died of kidney failure, yet no one, none of our friends knew his situation.
One of the things I learned from our talk is that friendship is a two-way thing, just like any other relationship. It's give and take. You reach out if the other is not reaching out. Don't get tired of it. If you know how much you treasure that friend, then don't let him/her go. Show to them that they are special to you.
Some friendships die because no one is brave enough to reach out. They keep on waiting who will reach out first. Be that friend who reaches out even if you're the first one to move. I know in relationships, we tend not to be the first one to give in but remember, life is not long for us to do that - to wait for the moment, for the right moment to reach out because it might be too late.
When you ask them how they are, and they responded saying 'I'm fine' or 'I'm okay', in Tagalog 'Okay lang', ask for more. We don't usually say what we're going through in just a snap. Ask further and assure that you're there to listen. Sometimes we just need someone to ask further how we really are in order for us to open up. Be that friend - someone who asks and listens.
Stay in touch. When you suddenly remembered a friend, message them during your break time or while you're in the comfort room, taking a break lol. Reconnect with them from time to time. Go and chat with them over a cup of coffee. These things make me happy, knowing that I make way to maintain the people I treasure the most. There are no regrets. So trust me, reach out.
June 4, 2022
📸Image from Unsplash
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Ang mga kaibigan seasonal daw yan like for example iba yung freinds natin nung nasa grade school tayo tapos kapag nasa ibang level kana iba na din yung set of friends mo , tapos kapag nag work na din tayo iba na naman yung makasalamuha natin. Pero siguro nasa sa atin nalang kung yung freind na yun ay hindi mo kayang mawala sayu thats the time na e reach mo siya palage, kasi minsan alam muna people change kung noon sobrang close niyo malalaman mo na lang hindi na namamansin.