They Hurt Me, I Hurt Them Too

ARTICLE NO. 38 OF 2022
TITLE: <They Hurt Me, I Hurt Them Too>
DATE OF PUBLISHING: <March 09, 2022>

Hello there, fellow content creators and readers! :)

It's March 09 today and as of the moment, I am supposedly not here. To follow my "write an article every other day rule", I shouldn't been composing this article and will publish it after some minutes or about an hour or two. But here I am, doing what I should be doing by the next day.

Wondering how I am doing so? There's this unexpected thing that happened between me and my younger siblings, minutes ago. What is it? Keep scrolling to know.

So, I started this day with the thought of hustling and how could I make this fruitful and profitable. Well, as usual. I woke up more earlier because I have so many backlogs and new tasks to chase with.

However, there's this blessing that came unto me last Saturday night. The Mom of my tutee asked me if I am free by this Wednesday to Friday to tutor her daughter for her periodical examination. Without having the knowledge of how would my weekdays will be, I immediately said "yes." Why? Simply because, "that's another source of earnings."

After the morning chores and picking-up of laundries, I started readying myself and things for the Day 1 of my straight-three-days-tutorial-session to begin at 9:30AM. Fast forward, I finished it and accumulated PhP 200.00 ($4) within just two hours.

I got home by past twelve in the noon and I saw my parents preparing for their errand which is to go to Papa's parent's house for Lola's 65th birthday. I didn't go with them as I know that Papa will get drunk and that'll surely pissed me and Mama. So, I just gave $6 to buy Pancit Malabon to add for her food presents.

Fast forward again ...

I and my younger siblings (bro and sis) was left at home. We ate our lunch around 12:30PM and after that, I did the cleaning and all. By almost 3:30PM, something came up. Something that made a chaos between me and my siblings. Something that hurt and made the three of us, crying.

I was lying in the floor while watching a GMA afternoon prime when I heard something that was thrown in the floor, a bowl with some rice and viand. After some seconds, my younger brother stormed in the living room all the way from the kitchen and go near with our younger sister. He was holding a plate of foods and what he did next was really unexpected. He forcefully pushed the plate in our sister's stomach and angrily said, "ayan, kainin mo lahat 'yan." And that left our youngest, crying and hurt.

The reason why he did that? He got pissed of our sister's attitude. As you know, she's a bit stubborn and maldita. That sometimes, she's out of range. Funny thing that, only one man had made two ladies crying. Me and my sister~

I was so hurt with his actions, I feel like he neglected all my efforts of putting some foods in our plates. Especially that, he was fully aware of how I worked hard for those foods to be bought. Of how I get tired and drained to earn just to support our family and needs, kahit na napaka-hirap.

Because of my sama ng loob, I grabbed the plate that was being held by my crying sister. Stormed outside the house, go to the backyard, and thrown the food. Again, I came back to the kitchen, grabbed all the remaining foods (our lunch and some sauteed mungbean), and thrown it together with the bowls. Yes, tinapon ko talaga. At the end, no cooked foods was left and three bowls are all broken.

I didn't feel that "panghihinayang" because all that I can feel was pain and sama ng loob. Until now, I am still crying even the kids had apologized to me already.

At first, bro was talking back and been insisting that I should disciplined our sister and not him. So, here's me. Shouting at them, cussing using that P.I. word (kahit 'di talaga ako nagmumura), and I even kicked the innocent electric fan. Again, I go to the kitchen and thrown some plastic glasses that I saw in the kitchen table.

I even said, "wala pa kayong naia-ambag dito, nagtatapon na kayo ng pagkain? Gumaganyan na kayo?"

"Akala n'yo pinupulot ko lang 'yang pinambibili ng kinakain natin?"

"Sige, ubusin n'yo na 'yang mga groceries jan. Kasi last na 'yan~."

"Para kayong si Papa jan sa pinapakita n'yo sa'ken ngayon. Wala na ngang mai-ambag, 'di pa iayos 'yung ugali."

Yes, I sounded like nanunumbat. But, I was so hurt. And maybe, everything had mixed up that moment? The tiredness, exhaustion, pressure, and all that it led me to breakdown emotionally. 💔

And lastly, I said "'wag n'yo akong kakausapin hangga't 'di n'yo inaayos 'yang ugali n'yo." Then, I stormed inside the room and shut the door with force. Halos mayanig 'yung dingding sa lakas~

When I laid down the bed, tears had flown in my cheeks like a waterfalls. My shouldered are shaking, my body's trembling so hard. What I asked to myself? "Why? Why is it so hard to be a breadwinner? I just wanted our lives to be more lighter and this is what I'll get in return?"

Everything's okay now. Not less than 20 minutes, bro came to me and hugged me so tight. If you'll see him, he's a big and grown-up boy (mas malaki pa nga s'ya sa'ken eh), and getting matured slowly. But, that moment? He seems so fragile. He's crying while holding my hands and murmuring, "sorry na, Ate. Pansinin mo na ako uy."

That moment, I can't talk because I'm crying so hard. And so I said to him what's running in my mind ...

"Bakit mo ginawa 'yun? Alam mong grabe puyat ko basta kumita lang. Nakikita mo 'yun, di'ba? Tapos ganiyan ipapakita mo sa'ken?"

"Babae si Venice, Mak. Babae 'yan tapos dinuro-duro mo tapos dinuldol mo 'yung pagkain sa kaniya? Para mo namang ginawang timawa sa pagkain."

And ...

"Sa akin ka lang ba dapat mag-sorry?"

And he said that he first apologized to our sister. Yes, I am a strict and a bit of manipulative-slash-dictator type of Ate. But, that's all for them. I don't want that other people will disrespect them because of how they move. And, I don't tolerate this kind of attitudes in the family. I don't want it, I don't want to have conflicts with them because that's how Mama and her siblings are. Watak-watak, magulo.

It's all good now. They're talking with each other and I hope that it won't happen again. Because it'll hurt me and Mama more than them. I'm also aware of my mistakes like cussing them and all and I'll make it up to them, that's for sure.

I'll erase this in my mind and I wished that it won't make our bond at risk, but more stronger than before. And that it'll give them, us a lessons. ✨

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