Let's take 4 small steps to say NO

I will examine NO, which is one of the most difficult words to use today. Why is it so hard to say no? Actually, what do we give up when we can't say no? How can we say no more easily?

Today, our topic is the habit of "not being able to say no" that I encounter in most of the people I work with and negatively affects the quality of life. In fact, like most habits, this is a pattern of behavior that you do automatically, you feel like you will not be like yourself if you don't do it, but when you start to question it a bit, you can see that it actually does more harm than good, and more importantly, you can change it when you take a step.

Why should say no?

First of all, it is very important to be able to say no in order not to disconnect with yourself while maintaining your relationships. Because saying yes to every question or request you have to say no means to say no to your own needs and wishes. On the other hand, when you cannot say no to the person who has made a request from you, you cannot do, do not have time, or cannot say no to matters that do not fall within the field of interest and skill, the possibility of disappointing the other party is also quite high.

Being able to say no has great advantages. In fact, no matter how much you think it will hurt your relationship or break the other person, saying no helps others gain clarity about what they can expect from you and helps you set healthy boundaries in your relationships. When you say no, you will be more honest and yourself, you will not have to wear a mask. You won't feel used in the long run. Your self-esteem and self-confidence increase in your relationship with yourself. On the other hand, people stop seeing you as someone who will do whatever they want, realize that you have limits, and respect you.

“People who can say no will be more valuable!

Why is it hard to say no?

Yes, considering the rational reasons one wants to gain the ability to say no right away, but why is it so hard to say no? Because in fact, we've been trained from childhood not to say no, we've been taught to suppress our feelings that accompany charity, and are often punished when we say no. These behaviors that we reinforced in childhood caused very strong neural networks to form in our brains, and the reason we still have trouble saying no today is that these very strong networks have become our habits. I'm also someone who had a hard time saying no until my mid-20s. In fact, there were times when I unleashed psychic powers because of not being able to say no. You will know what I mean when you explain it.

To pray "NO"

While I was in middle school, my mother bought me a denim jacket that I liked incredibly. You know how important clothes are for girls at that age… I loved the jacket so much that I would go to my room and check if it is still there. One day, a very close friend of mine saw the jacket on me and called me in the evening and said that he wanted to drive with his mother in the evening to borrow it. Of course, I accepted unwillingly because I was not able to say no. But then I scowled and prayed that they please don't come, I don't want to give my jacket. Hours passed, no one came or went. The next day my friend phoned. While they were coming to get the jacket, their cars broke down and they got stuck on the road. I was both surprised, sad and happy that I had my jacket. In short, if you cannot say "No", do not worry, this way your psychic powers will come out like me.

Joking aside, I've discovered that I can change in saying no as I go through more troublesome processes and situations and start to lean on myself, and I feel much better in this sense for the last 10 years. I experience that my relationships become much more peaceful as I realize that I am at least as valuable as others and set my limits.

4 small steps to get into the habit of saying no

Not being able to say no is a learned habit that has strong neural connections in our brain, and the brain can change, so we can change this habit and add the ability to say no to our lives as a skill over time. So now I will give you some tips so that you can say no to...

1. Make a list of all the things you say yes while trying to say no. Imagine they can't say no here in general. The last minute offers of your friends are like saying yes to someone's help requests, extra work that you are afraid of what will happen if you do not do it even though you have a lot of workload.

2. In front of those who always say yes on the list, write down how you said no to yourself when you could not say no to others. When you can't say no, do you say no to your own rest period or sleep, or time to spend with your loved ones and family? Making these first two lists gives you an overview of what you've lost.

3. When faced with the request or offer, ask for time before giving any answer: “Can you give me time until Friday to think about this a bit? I will definitely return to you on Friday afternoon ”. This article saves you from making hasty decisions and gives you time to think about how politely you can say no.

4. When you say no, develop an alternative scenario, make an alternative offer. This is where you can say no. Let's say your friends invite you to a dinner party, and your budget and energy are not enough for this invitation. “Thank you very much for the invitation, I miss you so much, but now is not a very suitable time for me. Shall we talk again in 2 weeks? " The important thing here is to first make the person feel valuable to you and then tell him that he / she cannot accept the offer. Finally, to present a new, alternative offer.

Creating new neural networks in your brain is an experience, that is, a practical and repetitive process. To gain this habit, you need to be consistent.

Remember these when making a habit of saying no;

Don't apologize when you say no and lots of excuses sorting out.

Don't lie, always be honest.

And most importantly, keep in mind that your self-worth cannot be measured by what you do for others!