The sooner you forget me, the sooner you will find happiness.

This intense sadness that grips my heart is perhaps a hidden feeling of abandonment peculiar to those who have left.

 I miss you...

 Separation makes my heart tingle...

 Your longing is making my brain numb...

 Even though we can't be together very often, I'm just beginning to understand how knowing that you're with me has warmed my heart all these years.

 Your absence turns from being a pain that pierces my heart as it is remembered, to a permanent emptiness.

 I miss the way they start the mornings by stroking you, the evenings when they put everything aside and meet you alone; our teasing, our snarls, our walks, your cute mischievousness, your childlike resentment...

How tough you were when you defended me against others; and how softly, with a pair of squinted eyes, as you let yourself be caressed by my hands... or as you jump into my arms when you undo your necklace...

When he was sick, we kept watch over him for days and nights in those terrible crisis nights... praying silently so that he could regain that joyful laughter...

Our joy was interrupted by the doctor, stroking the wounds on his tired body while celebrating the good news of "He survived":

"He can no longer live in this house... in the gray city of tall buildings and concrete walls," she said, "he must go... and make a new life for himself..."

Saying "Stay" to you even if you knew how hard you had to go...

How hard it is for you to know that your eternal happiness comes from forgetting me...

Seeing that we had to, even though I never wanted you to go, and saying "Go now" without telling you...

How hard it is for you to say "the sooner you forget me, the sooner you will find happiness"...

Taking my voice and smell from your brain, while your voice and smell are still in my brain...

 ... not seeing you and maybe asking you to look at me like a stranger when we meet years later...

... to make a promise to my heart that I have forbidden a new love...

... and then with my own hands, how hard it is to get you into the back seat of a foreign car, add all the summers we sunbathed together, all the winters we shivered side by side, all the pain we shared, all the laughter and all that distant greenery next to your tired body, and shed tears of regret behind your back...

 ... how hard it is to say "Get away from here and as far as you can go" to a driver I entrusted you without knowing it...

... waiting for your absence, how hard...

The more I think about it, the more I panic, sensing that she's cold somewhere far away right now. Abandoned streets, lonely streets overcoming all obstacles. I just want to reach you by walking the boulevards, caress your head silently, whisper words of love in your ear and cover you slowly...

I am saddened by the transformation of a past we share into a future we have lost.

In one of the evenings when I was secretly sad, I ran to you, feeling the fear of abandonment in the depths of my heart, to apologize for what I did and even more for what I couldn't do.

I want to say "Come back baby":

"Come back... your hut is waiting for you..."