Christians: For the sake of her.
I thought that I already started a new life years ago. It seems that I started to make a new path in my life a month ago. It happened that I have been starting a new life quite frequently in my life. I don't mean dying and being born again like in the anime but starting a new routine for the sake of health.
I never thought that I would ever be concerned about my body shape or my obesity, ever in my life but having an active child and full of energy made me want to push my endurance up and make my body lighter so I will be able to catch up with her.
She grows up quite well despite the difficulties she has to face along with her incompetent parents. She is a brilliant, kind, and strong heart child. She kept her sadness to her own, hoping for a kind kiss on her forehead and a big hug when she cries silently. Once you hug her, a big burst of cry will come out along with her painful heart. It made me realize that she is as strong as me or maybe a little bit stronger than I am.
For her, I need to be healthy and stronger. I need to be a mother she can be proud of. Every child deserves it. Some said that they will be the insurance for our burial or the key to our paradise. As for me, she will be the greatest contribution to society, my greatest artwork, and the most priceless asset I will ever own in my entire life.
She is an unexplainable person in my life. She brought me tears and laughter at the same time. She fills up my emptiness and she woke up a desire I never thought I would ever want to achieve without her presence.
I have a lot of things to work out for her. I still have the desire to give her better than things I am capable of now.
One thing that I realized recently is that I need to fix myself up for her to be better. She is my reflection. She reflects on my past mistake and guides me to be better at not repeating the same mistakes repetitively.
As for her father, I still cannot see his part in our life other than all the things that I am afraid of ruining her life again. I guess I am still in the phase of blaming him after I am tired of blaming myself. The next thing to do will be forgiving and accepting our fate so that we can move on. No matter where life leads us the three of us will be able to handle it in style.
People always said that "God will never give us an obstacle that we cannot handle."
I guess it's not God who gave us the obstacles but since He is always there to help us go through He becomes the one to blame for the difficulties too because we usually realized that we have already received a helping hand a bit late.
Well, that is my personal opinion only. My way of thinking helps me go through life as I am now. 😄😆
Further away
The more I work out to have a better life, living the way I wish to be, the more I felt like I have drifted away. Is there something that I need to change?
My laptop charger is broken again, I am back into the accumulated debts zone, and I do not have any more savings. I guess I have fallen into this state before and do not feel as miserable as before.
Well, life is like that. If I am not meant to have a relaxing life then I do not believe that I will be. I once thought that a pension will make life better but someone I know still needs to work a lot at the age of 70 years old. That is already 10 years of age after the retirement age required as a government worker.
Perhaps there are things that I need to change in my lifestyle. I started exercising and it does make me feel a little bit healthier and keeps the stress away for a while.
Perhaps I need to pray a lot more the way others do. Some seem to be having wonderful life though I do not know about their difficulties.
Here I am still awake at 2.50 am wondering about my life, my past, the present, and my future will be. It is all unnecessary things to do instead of sleeping but yet, but my eyes are wide open while my brain felt like exploding.
The first thing that I need to do is to eliminate online purchases. I need to start buying this using cash only and that is one way I can make sure I control the use of money. I think this will do.
If you have any ideas on how to do self-control, please do share in the comment box below.
I guess I can write anything good for the moment but I do appreciate good comments below.
Incapable.
I once wish to give my child a better life than mine. I wish not to repeat all the past that I felt awful and sad about. I thought that I have planned well but if it is not meant for me then it will not be. Perhaps I am too arrogant about the planning that I used to call perfect.
It turns out that I might have done worse than I expected. I am stuck in a fairy tale. I used to think that the person we married is the one that will be the one that will be with us, strong enough to support us, and the one that will think thoroughly before any decision is made. In the end, I am left alone. It felt more peaceful though, with lesser stress and easier to handle life.
It's time to start a new life. It felt like my life going back to the beginning over and over again. I want to be successful somewhere in his life but I always encounter failure. Is it because I am always making the wrong choices? Is it fate? Or is it repayment for all my sins?
**What is it that I miss?**
Perhaps the moment I found out the one thing that I mislook over and over again, my path will be brighter. It does feel lonely going through the path or two alone but I felt like I give in to fate.
If this is the life I am meant to have then I should accept it without lesser complaining. I believe if I can accept life as it is now, I will also be able to see the pathway that I was supposed to go through a long time ago.
Though it had been hard on me, I do not have many regrets in my life. I am grateful for everything that I have now. In this world, it is barely enough to survive but somehow I do feel content in most parts of it.
I do not think that it will be easier any sooner but for my good, I will go through the challenge one by one even if I have to crawl. It is no longer about me but for her. If I am ruined I will be causing harm to her.
Dear reader,
If you feel like you have no more hope or you want to give up life, look around and find a purpose to live. Learning to let go of what we should let go of is not the happiness we might wish for, but it could be the best option that we have not realized yet.
Neglected
Extra work is unavoidable. There will always be a new task every day. It could be one or two or even more than that. The remaining unfinished task will remain unfinished with the new task to be done.
The problem will always be poor time management but sometimes the tasks are just more than the time given to be complete. The moment we chose to leave no unfinished task on the table is the moment we are doing overtime. We keep on doing overtime and we neglected our family for the reason that we are doing all of the work for them.
Doing all the tasks continuously made us think that it has just been a few weeks past but in reality, it has been years. We spent too much time focusing on the time that we lost track of it. Did you get what I meant?
The moment we realize that years have passed our 2 years old child is already getting married. We are lucky if we woke up earlier than that.
It will be devastating to be awakened by no one else besides us as it was before. The loneliness at that time will be painful and full of regrets.
The change inside someone's heart is not something we can easily alter. Feelings that were once there might be gone with no way to retrieve them.
Striving to earn money is unavoidable since we need to eat and pay the bills. The higher the needs associated with the desires. The cost of living increases every year and the budget is always not enough. Perhaps these are some of the major causes relationships between people are not getting better. War keeps on going and the number of unemployed people keeps getting higher.
Disaster is unavoidable but it could be lessened. It all depends on the choices we make. Including the smallest matter that we tend to ignore.
What makes the difference?
Life is the longest journey anyone could freely have but it has one flaw which is, that it can end anytime without us knowing. Nobody knows how long their life journey will be. Some people choose to enjoy their life to the fullest before their bodies become too weak to even stand up.
Some planned properly for a comfortable retirement and some forgot and end up working hard until their last breath. Some have the privilege of leading a peaceful road to retirement and some have to break all major obstacles to reach the same course.
There is a big gap between the rich and the poor but they have two similarities which are both have one chance to be successful and both have one probability to fail. Success or failure can only be determined on the day of our last breath. As long as we are still alive no matter how deep we fall into failure, we always have a chance to get a comeback or even become better than before.
Going through life is like gambling. We chose a path and we hope that things will all go well without having any confirmation that it will absolutely will. If it doesn't then we have to choose another path and go through the same process again. Perhaps in a different situation but still stuck in the phrase, 'on the way to success.'
Sometimes in the middle of the way, we might encounter losses or opportunities but it is up to us whether we want to give up or pursue success.
It is normal to be hurt and experience disappointment throughout life. There is no escape. The only thing that will make a difference is our choices on getting through the pain.
Meaningless
The brightness of the day
The darkness of night
Everything becomes meaningless for a while.
Painful thoughts,
Unstable emotions,
Deep loneliness,
Haunting the consciousness left in mind.
A smile can cover the sadness inside but it does not cure it. All that is left is loneliness. They said you should learn to let go. I believe I am letting go but why am I still feeling extremely hurt inside.
Unable to run away from the disappointment I have inside, I strive to make my days beautiful so my daughter can have a good life. I am still far from my purpose in life. I believe I will achieve all of it someday. My estimation is 9 years. She will be able to understand by that time.
I will have someone to talk to again. We will be having a good life together and I will not be lonely anymore. To have someone to understand, guide, and drag me forward when I cannot even stand on my leg.
I was hoping for that time to come quickly but I also do not want to miss any special occasion in our life. I have ruined mine but I will make sure to do my best to give her the best I can.
Prepare for the worst.
Planning ahead of time is always encouraged but it **doesn't mean that it will always work out well**. Every plan always has an unexpected turn in it. That is the reason we need to **prepare ourselves for the worst**. For me preparing for the worst made me look vulnerable and fragile but on the contrary, it made me more prepared for any situation that will come in the future.
I should **prepare myself for the worst** rather than hoping for a miracle. It is not that I disbelief about the miracle but I feel like it is better to be prepared than to expect things will always be in favor of me.
It is not easy to face any difficulty in life no matter big or small. Each of us will have different thoughts on the same problem. Some that have already gone through once will say that it is quite difficult, some that have already been through it a few times will say that it is easy but some who never encounter the problem will say that it is difficult.
To avoid problems we need to have proper planning for the next day of our life but we should not expect that every plan will be a success even though it has been planned earlier. Things might go the opposite way from our expectations or it could also go smoother than we planned.
To carve a smile.
I thought that I am having a happy marriage. I realized too late that it is already broken a long time ago and we are only clinging to our daughter while we move on day by day.
He broke the glue when he stopped caring for our daughter. He became irresponsible, ignorant, and had too many changes that he no longer considers me as a wife. He only wants me to listen to him and be the king of me. If his suggestion is agreeable perhaps I will consider it but he started talking nonsense, stopped appreciating life, and doing things unreasonably.
As a human only listening to the sentence, "I love you" was never enough. It needs to be accompanied by the act of love but it is also quite difficult to be done especially when two people have a different point of view regarding 'the act'.
One would say that providing money for the family by focusing too much on work, is an act of love but all the other party wants were a time to be spent together on the weekend. It makes spending time an act of love because it needs sacrifice. To take a holiday from work and leave the unfinished job or could spend all the time working on weekdays so there will be free time on the weekends.
A perfect family does not exist in reality. Families are just a bunch of people that have the capabilities to sustain a relationship with great efforts. The ability to forgive, compromise, back off, sincerity, and unconditional love.
Sounds like most people can do but a family is capable of doing all of those repetitively no matter the pain or sadness they have been through. Life is always fair to everyone if we think the other way around. It is made specifically for each of us.
What made it seem worst? It is our decision.
If we can assure that each decision will not be a regretful one, I think that we might be able to achieve happiness for ourselves instead of being envious of others.
People said that those who can smile while they grieve are people with strong hearts. Perhaps they have already cried a river in the dark just to be able to carve a smile for the whole day.
Silent loneliness
It was good to have a personal space, to be able to decide without too much restriction and to be slightly free from a person that always want to be in charge of me. I thought that I was ready to let go of this person but every time I think of him, I will feel very lonely inside of me.
I wanted to have him as my companion for the rest of my life but I am scared that he is never going to recover and be sane again. He did not even realize all the insanities that he had done and kept blaming me for trying to put him back on track.
He has been wasting 44 years of his life doing unnecessary and none profiting things in life. I felt that he had been given a lot of chances to recuperate and start a new life but due to his stubborn ego, he lost everything precious to him.
Most said that there is no turnback point for the thing he started therefore I should just let go of him. He kept asking me to be honest, to be humble, and to be sincere but all that he has given to me are lies, insecurities, and disappointments.
I feel like an unwanted teddy bear. Thinking back to all the years that we had spent together, now I am not sure if he ever love me sincerely at all. It is all about giving me what I want but does he sincerely doing it? I don't know. Perhaps he doesn't.
We never had the same thoughts, never agreed on the same things, and no more hugs or kisses for years. I might have lost the one I believe that is love a long time ago but I am denying the fact. There is no longer a sign that he still loves me since years ago. He only wants to be the bos of me and he is very demanding that I follow everything that he said or told me to do.
He had been out of reach for so many years and I kept on struggling to hold on. He had that expression for so long. That blank expression and all those acting he made to make me believe. Is it real or is it fake? Only he knows the answer.
Life has not been easy for both of us. No improvement in my life since I am with him. Perhaps it is time for me to let go and for him to free himself from the responsibilities of others and start focusing on being responsible do himself.
Only he alone can open the lock that prevents him from getting the happiness he wished for.
A friend said to me, "separation does not always mean that it will be forever. It is also a way to give chances to each other and give time for healing".
Keep calm and do what we can do in the current situation. Slow and steady win the race.
Christians: Even if I need to crawl
Recently I have had a lot of things to settle and time seem to be going slower from my usual pace. I thought that I could not even stand up to walk and face life happily again. Perhaps I will never get the life I once wish for but I still have the one life that God blesses me with.
There is never an ending to anything. It is just a change in a situation. Whether the changes are in favor of us or not is our decision to make.
Nothing is wrong with life if we do not reject it by prioritizing our desire instead of taking advantage of all the things we already have. We have what we have for a reason but thinking too much about the why will ruin the surprise. Life is a mystery box. Even when we open it, we might never understand what's in it for us.
Things change a lot for me too and sometimes I question God for making me live like hell. The truth is that my life is way better than hell.
***"How strong do you think I am for giving me unstoppable difficulties?"***
The question I often asked. Looking back I realize the reasons things happen as it is now. It's alright to burst into anger because it needs to be out but do not let the anger be the one that controls our life. Just cry if we want to, holding it in will not help either.
Let go of all the negativities that want to be out but come back to positivities as soon as possible. It needs to be a balance for a good life to go on.
Sometimes we are just focused on what we want but we forgot to see the one we need.
There are so many more wonderful things out there waiting for us to come and pick one for ourselves. We can take as much as we can carry.
Sounds wonderful, isn't it?
It's not that easy to do though. To go through all the difficulties we are currently facing.
Things are messy now but it does not mean that they will always be like this in the future. Give it some time. It might feel like years of waiting but if we count the days, it just passes one month of the waiting time in reality.
Those things they always say are 'keep praying'. I am not sure if I prayed correctly or not but I am sure that God heard me.
The unspoken love.
Some said that if you love someone you should speak out to the person no matter the answer you will get. That is before the love is expressed in words and accepted by the receiver.
What happened after?
Being a couple?
Get married?
Have a child or children?
Or
Break up?
Divorce?
Single parent?
Love is not something scribbled on paper with a pencil that can be erased easily. It is not something that can be built in a day though it is can be found in a second. The moment you need to let it go because you have to is not an easy task to do but if it is needed, it is a must.
Take your time but be wise. It's your heart that you are breaking but it is also your life that you are fixing. Don't expect anyone to understand your feelings, but be grateful that you have them by your side.
As for marriage, nobody wants a divorce but if it is needed there is nothing else that can be done. If keeping will only make things worst, let it go properly. Find a way to get a good agreement between you and your spouse to be separated in a good way to avoid troubles in the future.
It will be like grieving at first, but time will heal as others said. The truth is that time does not heal, it is you that survives. It is you that is going to make your life better with your strong will.
Think about the children if you have or think about all the things that you will be able to achieve without any restriction from your spouse. Perhaps if we think like that it's going to take a shorter time to heal our broken hearts.
It's alright if you want to cry all-day but you got to keep living your daily life as usual. Your routine is going to change and perhaps you will have nobody to talk to at home. It going to be lonely and you might have a rapid change of thought from time to time. The anger you buried will come out, nobody believes that you are going to make it alive, and everyone expects you to make a quick decision.
You know they are right about the things they said but your heart is struggling to do the right thing. You are crawling to make the right things done as fast as your heart can bear the pain. You are struggling to do the right things while preventing your heart from being broken and becoming unfixable. One thing that you must never do is never expect anyone else to understand all the things that are going on inside your mind because nobody will.
At this moment your decision will be always thought of as a wrong decision even if you think that you are right. Bear with it. Things will pass. Loneliness is just another phase of grieving. A better future awaits you ahead of time and you are going to make all the things that you are experiencing now a lesson for your children in the future.
You will be able to guide them and support them better because you have experienced the worst moment of your life. You will not make the same mistake again.
You have become blinded by grieving for a while now. Open your eyes and wipe your tears, therefore you can see things that you miss before. Walk slowly, and look around you. See your friends, talk to your children and be grateful for your family. The one family that you have from the beginning. It might not be as good as you want them to be but believe me that they are perfect the way they are.
It is them who made you as strong as you're now.
Whatever decision you make now there are no promises that your pathway will be paved beautifully. There will always be a bump on the road even if it is the smallest one. It is impossible to erase your memories together but you can always let them flow like the river into a vast ocean. Let your mind be free and your heart will be set free too.
Let go of the hands that you once hold dearly. Perhaps by letting go the both of you can heal. Give time for the both of you to think about all the moments that you have achieved together. Separation is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it can be the cure that you need.
You know what you need and you already know what to do. Other than that let your daily life pass day by day as usual. The right moment will come when you need to take the next step.
Can you see?
A child is a gift that every parent would be wishing for. The bringer of joy, laughter, and a better future. At the earlier stage of the child's bringing, it could be a tough challenge, especially for a single parent or those who have a working partner.
Sincerity in taking care of a child is important. We should not be too greedy for a child's desires. They might become rebellious or depressed because they cannot have their desires. It's either they become too angry or too sad because they felt neglected or rejected. We should take the time to explain if we cannot afford to fulfill their desires.
Children are the reflection of ourselves. Anything that we do right or wrong will be seen in them. Perhaps we cannot control our habits but we can surely guide them to become better.
It is happiness to see the kindness in them and regrets to see the bad attitude in them. That all comes from us because we allowed it to happen. By saying allowed it does not mean that we should say 'no' to everything. Sometimes experiences teach better than guidance.
Telling them that we love them or we are sorry is the way to let them know our feelings. A child not yet can interpret our actions except for hugs and kisses I think. Even as an adult, it is very difficult to get to know someone else feelings without them saying anything.
Words are essential. Communication is important but some expect others to understand them without saying a word.
People are not God or mind readers. The best we can do is guess but it will not be as good as expressed by words. Quietness is not a problem solver. It is only used as a resting place before we are ready to use our words or after we arranged our thoughts.
Do not wait for the spark to die or for everything becomes empty before taking an action. I might have been too late for my action but I hope this article can somehow help some of us to take any action before we lose it all.
It is better to try and prepare to fail rather than doing nothing and not knowing whether we do have the chance or not.
Christians: Fear of losing
Togetherness, faithfulness, unconditional love, forgiveness, admitting wrongdoing, and acceptance are all the things needed in a relationship. There should be a balance between two people so they can live as a married couple until their last breath. Nobody should be the head of one another.
On the contrary, most of the community does not have this kind of thought. Usually, they think that it is the man that should be the one to feed the family. The wife's job is to bow down and obey the husband all the time.
A husband should be someone a wife can count on and a wife should be strong enough to support the husband. Not every decision in a relationship will favor both but then there is a thing called compromise.
Even with compromising each other when the other gives more than the other, things will still go awry. That is the reason for a heart-to-heart talk from time to time. It is easier said than done to be the truth. Probably because they fear losing.
Fear is the one thing that can make things worse but it can also be the one thing that capable of making things better. Sometimes the right thing to do is the excruciatingly unbearable emotions to carry inside one heart but it is still the right thing to do. If it can save the person we love, I said go for it. The love you have for them will keep you strong.
The truth is love alone is not enough, we need to have a strong will accompanied by faith to go through the heaviest challenge we could ever face. Never make giving up an option. Once we thought about giving up, our strength will slowly fade.
Face our fear with wisdom, mend the broken bond with unconditional love, and take the right step with bravery and kindness. Add a little bit of hope, put a little bit more faith, daily prayer, and more action than mere words.
The whole world might not have the trust that things can be mended but as long as you kept that dim light of hope burns, it might get brighter someday. Never hope for what you wanted but instead pray that things will go as it suppose to be.
Keep on moving forward and do the best we can because sometimes it is the only thing that we can do. Give chances instead of a chance.
Christians: Keeping the lost strength.
I have made mistakes. A lot of them. I have been ignoring things for too long and it now become poisonous to me. I am not sure whether I can find the antidote to this deadly poison. Knew that it is mostly my mistake that made things worst, I lost the strength to carry on. I guess it is the strength of my daughter that enables me to drag my feet around.
I am lost. I thought that I was strong but now I realized that I am weaker than the thin ice. Some people knew they should speak up but remained silent. Some knew they should get help but refused to because of ignorance or denial. I believe that I am one of them.
My ego has taught me to be humble but my pride is too arrogant to bow down. I have too much self-confidence in each of my plans and I do not allow anyone to alter anything.
I do not have great patience when I believe that my plan is doable though I am well aware of the consequences. I have high confidence that I will be able to manage.
The truth is that I am not capable of managing things very well but I am quite good at surviving any difficulties in my life.
I feel proud of myself for being able to go through a lot of difficulties and still alive. A lot of people say that I am strong but deep inside of me shouting "I can't breathe. Help me."
He has been my strength for a few years now. He has always been. Recently, he changed. He lost himself and he became someone that I barely knew. According to him, I was the reason he becomes like that. I am disrespectful to him, treating him like a child, I am not being a good wife, and yes, now I realized that I am incompetent. I am not a dream wife. I have an ego as high as a man, independent, stubborn, and high self-confidence of success in every plan I made, and I will not listen to anything that he suggested.
Thinking back, I think I did listen to him. a little bit but perhaps it is not enough for him. He wanted me to be a wife under his feet and not someone who sits on the same level as him or higher than him.
He concluded that my treatment for him is me looking down on him because he is jobless. He is a stay-at-home husband but he is perfect that way for me. It turns out that he buried a deep dissatisfaction with being unemployed and having a wife that feeds him.
As for me, that is not the case at all. I prefer him to be home to help take care of the house and our daughter because I cannot afford to leave my job with the amounts of debts I am having. He cared too much about a man's dignity in being the breadwinner. Who said that it should be a man to be the breadwinner? The law?
It's a matter of perspective, closed and narrow-minded person. He chose to be buried deeply in the negative thoughts of society and burden himself with the desire to be the head for me.
If he stayed the way he is at the moment I met him, I doubt that I became this bad for him. Perhaps it is I that changed him. So this could be entirely my fault.
He was a kind-hearted man that does not mind being treated like a fool thousand times by someone he called a friend. He will come into assistance as quick as he can even though he might not even be appreciated but being taken advantage of. He will keep quiet and buried his heartache with a smile and lots of laughter.
I don't think I ever knew someone who know him thoroughly, someone who does not look down on him and accepted him as he is. Someone who can understand his jokes, and appreciate anything that he does. I am not even that good to him.
It pains me to see him hurting but he kept silent. It made me become his voice. The problem is that I pour out my anger and disappointment on him. I wanted to help him out and protect him but that made him insecure and pressured.
I thought that I am giving him a better life but he is not appreciating but then it turns out that I destroyed him even more. I pushed him into the state he is now with my egoistic desires to protect him.
He wanted to protect me instead of me protecting him. I believe that is all his desire. To be able to be my knight but I did not allow him. I did not trust him to be out of trouble.
He becomes bad-tempered, overworked, and depressed. The most patient man I once knew is gone. I lost him because of my stupid ego.
Please, God, I am asking for a second chance. A chance to become a better wife to him. Please save him from his misery. Let him see all the things I see in him and let him see my reasoning for doing what I did. Let me see my weaknesses so I can mend our broken bond.
I do not have much of my strength left but with this little energy I have left, I will hold on to him and our daughter. With every breath I have, I want to give him my trust, loyalty, and faith.
Christians: Unsure
He looks normal. His act almost seems normal but I cannot fully trust him to care for my daughter anymore. He is lost. I do not know where he went inside his mind. It looks like he is here but he is not. I can see him physically but his mind is absent from the real world. Did I lose him?
He is in his world. A world that I cannot enter. Perhaps he is getting older and no longer has the strength to stay sane. He is defeated by the heavy burden that he carried for so long without letting anyone else help him carry.
He wanted to stay but I am unsure that I can still depend on him for all the responsibility we once shared. Should I give him another chance after the insanity that he showed me?
It has gotten worst than before. I never saw him as worst as he is now. I can always talk to him back but now I can only feel emptiness between us. I don't want to let him go but should I? Should I let him be free in his world? Can I pull him out?
There is nothing else that can be done other than praying, or perhaps I can find him a therapist. He needed someone but that someone is not me. I do not have the strength to be his pillar.
I am lost in myself and my daughter is the sole reason I can still hang on and move on. I need to get better decisions for both myself and her but I am unsure whether the best is with or without him.
I do not want to let my quick decisions leave me with regrets in the future. I have tried so hard to prevent myself from getting any regrets but I guess, I am having more and more regrets now than I used to before.
Life was never easy on me too. Everyone around me has their difficulty and not many of them I can lean on. I guess I just need somebody to lean on.
Do you know the moment when we cried for help but nobody seem to be listening? There are a lot of people trying to help but the option is not in favor of our desire? I am having that now and I am unsure if I can do it alone this time.
Perhaps I am meant to be alone in this world. The fact that I still have a lot of people who care for me is a damn good blessing.
Deep inside of me, I still have that little hope that he can stay and complete this family. Without him, it would be lesser the external troubles and more the internal struggle but perhaps it would be better.
*I pray for myself and my daughter to have a good life starting from now on. Whether he can stay with us or not, I give them all to you, dear God. Amen.*
May I have a little bit of Amen/Amin from you too?
As of today, 12th May 2022 I am lost and blind. I cannot see the path that I am supposed to go through.
I am heartbeat1515 and if I am still here after this you will surely know the future of this article.
What do you see?
As an outsider, we can only see what we saw and listen to what we are told. We can never understand a situation without being involved thoroughly. Therefore, how can we judge by listening to one side of a story?
It is not easy to get a whole story especially when we do not know anything about the other party. The only thing we can do is not to aggravate any hatred that is already commencing.
Let the anger out, let the rage explode but do not forget to keep patience as a backup. Letting the anger out like a volcano eruption will only cause more damage than it already is. With patience the place where the larva hits turn into fertilized soil.
Being a couple, women are well known as more talkative compared to men. All that most men can say is probably, "You did not give me a chance to explain."
Even if a woman agrees to be quiet, she would not be quiet for more than a minute. If it is more than that, then it is a silent treatment for you. This is my own opinion, it does not apply to everyone but I think most of us will agree on this.
It is hard to win over women, especially with those with a strong will, and independence, and those with the heart of a lion. You can try but it might feel like world war III. What do you think?
Well, every woman has a weakness. The most common weakness is that they prefer action more than words. Therefore, do not make promises that will only turn into lies.
If you promise that you are going to change then change. If you promise to stop smoking cigarettes then stop. If you cannot then do not bother to be with her just to give her a bunch more lies in the future. This goes the same for both ways. Men or women.
The down of the up.
In this world, anything that goes up eventually will go down as long as gravity exists. The center of gravity is the location of the down part. If anything breaks free from the gravity zone, it will continuously go up. Perhaps it will find a new center of gravity or continuously float in the open zone.
Life as they said has its up and down. Today can be the happiest day of our life but it can also be the worst day at the same time. A few events can occur at the same time which is sometimes uncontrollable.
Even if we wish to be in a good time most of the time, we can always end up in a bad time too. Life is unpredictable. It does not matter if our plan is flawless because there will always be obstacles that will tag along. What matters? Is that we never give up our dreams.
Some said that there is a pot full of gold under the end of the rainbows but which end it is? What type of gold it is?
We worked hard to get to the end of the rainbow but in the end, we get nothing. Rather than chasing uncertain things, why not focus on things that are in front of us? The thing that is within our sight, within our grasp. Things that we are certain that we can lay our hands-on.
Working is tiring, therefore we better not waste our energy. If we use too much energy at the beginning, I am afraid that we might not have enough to finish the things we started. At last, we started with zero and end up with a negative value.
Planning does not ensure success but it may lead to a better value than negative.
Mended with gold
Have you ever heard of the art of kintsugi? A broken bowl mended with gold increase its original value. If only a broken heart can also be mended with gold and change the owner into a stronger person. I wish the person can be me. I seem to be strong from the outside but I know that I am as fragile as the thin ice. Just a little bit of extra pressure can break it.
What if love is gone? I do not think that love can be gone. What makes it become less is distrust. Not being able to trust the person we love can make love eventually lessen but not gone.
If a broken heart can be mended with gold, what kind of gold would it be?
It will take pure gold to mend a broken heart. To get back the trust that was lost. It is not easy to trust someone again after we lost our trust in that person. It will be extremely difficult when that person is our partner, husband, or wife.
If you are being asked to do something but then the person who gave you that order is not doing the same thing in return, what would you feel? I am agitated and disappointed.
That is the reason I am afraid to have too many connections or any deep relationships with too many people. I feel safer in serenity or perhaps I have a phobia of getting hurt. I do not want to connect to people that I believe will eventually make me sad and I do not want to be closer to people that I might hurt.
I just want to live in peace. I am longing for a peaceful life where I do not see greed among my relatives, where I am not given any more unwanted responsibilities.
Perhaps this is my fault for being blessed and my weakness of not being able to say no when people need help. I am left with guilt if I am incapable of helping, left with anger being used as a scapegoat.
Or...
It might just be my hateful thoughts alone.
Why did I find myself changing into too much rage?
Perhaps because I have a lot of debts financially and feel indebted to a lot of people.
I have not found the answer to this question yet. One thing I do know is that I need to find that pure gold to mend this broken heart of mine.
I am heartbeat1515 and I write out my thoughts randomly.
Christians: What is love?
May 3, 2022, at 11.12 pm
It has been 6 years of marriage and I suddenly felt like I do not know the meaning of love. I start thinking that the reason my marriage was not allowed to bless in a church is that my husband and I are not meant to be together.
I remembered the question a nun asked me before the marriage.
"Do you sincerely love him? Are you sure you will not regret this?" At that time, I was extremely confident that I will not regret my decision to love him.
People said that a blessed wedding is a reason for marriage to last until death. Yet, divorce still happens. Sometimes I thought that God does not allow me to have a blessing in marriage because He knows that we are going to break apart in the future.
Some said that people deserve a second chance. Perhaps I am wrong to marry someone else husband even if they are divorced. Perhaps I am supposed to save that wedding instead of being the replacement after the divorce.
They got it complicated between them and now I am stuck in the middle of that problems. They got children. Those children need to survive but I barely survived myself. I am still struggling financially. Perhaps they do not need me but I still feel the burden of responsibilities.
I guess it serves me right for choosing the wrong spouse. Did I?
I got a beautiful and amazing daughter with him. If I chose wrong, why do I feel extremely blessed to have a daughter with him?
I have long faced the fact of not having a church wedding and I am alright with it now. It is no longer my priority. My previous dream wedding is ruined and it is my fault. I don't care but others care for me. It's not like that having a blessed wedding will change the life I am having with him now.
It will not change the fact that I have been extremely hurt in a way, mentally. My mind is crowded with uncertainty.
To make sure we can pass an exam, we keep on reading our notes or textbooks until we are capable to remember all the things we read. Then if I am repeatedly told that I do not love him sincerely, will my love be gone? Or perhaps become fake and unreal.
What is it that I am feeling then? Why did I go through all the hardship just to make him happy even though I think I often failed. I believe I am self-independent regarding things I want for my future. If I said I am going to make it happen then I make it happen without waiting for him to give his say. I guess that happens because I am the firstborn daughter in my family and responsibilities fall on me since I was 16 years old. I cannot be dependent on him if I feel like I can do it on my own.
Whichever it is, marriage is meant to last until death. It does not matter what others say. Importantly, is what both of us think and want for ourselves.
Home is anywhere
The complete sentence usually sounds like this, "Home is anywhere as long as we are together." I do believe in the meaning of this sentence but reality never made it easy.
Difficulties, the inadequacy, debts, and heart's desire made things a little bit suffocating.
A man rents a house for his family. They are living happily but the man wanted more(heart's desire). He wanted to have a house and a land that he can pass on to his children after his death so that they will not face the same difficulties as he is now. The only problem is that he does not have enough money to do so for he already has debts that need to be settled before making another debt. It made him a little bit unhappy which affected his wife's heart's desire.
The wife wants to see her husband happy without worries therefore she tried to find a job to help support the family.
Both parents are at work and they need to pay for a babysitter for the children. They got extra money but they also got a new thing to pay for.
All the commotion might cause headache, stress, disappointment, sadness, arguing and an unpleasant lifestyle. Things are good moderately. Not too poor and not too rich. Having enough with a little bit of extra is nice. We can never know if there is other that need our help and it would be nice to have the ability to help.
I am not there yet. I am still far from the life I desired. I have almost all those things I need in this world but I have not yet achieved the serenity I wish for. Looking at my daughter growing up, being successful in her career, meeting her spouse, her children and hopefully, she will not be in debts like me.
That would be a great ending for my life.
My world is currently grey but the presents of all the people I love around me put a rainbow in it. The sun always shines brightly after the stormy rain with them near me.
I do not think that life will ever be easier for me. Each time I thought that I already achieved a peaceful life there will always be a new challenge that come along. I would never give up on striving for the life I dream of but a little bit of down feeling is indeed unavoidable. I do not think that it matters but it does initiate sadness and frustration as a part of life. It also shows that I am still human, I guess.
Be glad to have someone. They are the strength to move on.
Fantasies are good for a reason.
According to a definition I got from a Google search, fantasy is ***the faculty or activity of imagining impossible or improbable things.***
Each of us is capable of fantasizing about things that are beyond reality. What is so good about fantasizing? It is not the real thing. Even if it feels nice while the moment last, underneath we know that it is not real and disappointment is unavoidable.
Fantasies are often related to beautiful, out of the world, mesmerizing, magic and superpowers. This is what I think of fantasies. In reality, humans cannot fly without aeroplanes but in fantasies, humans can have wings on their back and fly on their own without worrying about having not enough fuel.
In fantasies, I can get anything I want. No money is needed. Living supply is enough, everything is free without greed. No fighting, no wars and no suffering.
Well, I guess that is the reason it is called fantasies. It is not real. The things I just fantasise about are impossible but it is nice just to think of them. The feelings of happiness are temporarily and once reality hit back, we will try to find a way back into fantasies. Perhaps this is also the reason some of us become drug and alcohol abusers. two items that are known to help us stay in fantasies.
Temporarily does not sound nice. It does not provide assurance and security of the future most of us dream of. Being happy without no worries and being able to have a good rest and valuable days each moment.
even so, I do not think that it is wrong to fantasize about dreams that we wish to come true sometimes. It can be a temporary cure for sadness and disappointment.
The sign
I feel like I have been working hard for years but have not yet achieved the relaxing moment I dream of. It is a bit tiring these few years and it felt lonely. I do not feel the support from my husband or perhaps he is supporting me in a way he only knows.
Being too tired is a sign I should notice earlier. It is time to pick up my pace again. I know I can achieve a lot more if I work harder but do I need to do it alone again this time? I do have the external support to go on but I wanted the internal support that I have been longing for, for years now.
I often heard. "You will not be able to build the house" Yet I have built two small houses with debts that are still manageable though the amount is huge and stressful to look at.
I have been told a lot of times that I 'cannot' and yet with persistence and years of effort, I manage. Waiting is not one of my good traits. Going into difficulty probably always be my choice. I think I should find more serenity before I change into a bad-tempered person which I think I am a bit of now. Tiredness for sure can make an angel become the devil.
I just need to work a little bit more. Everything has an end to it.
Life until death.
Day becomes night.
Breath in and breath out.
Well, for sure we cannot keep breathing in without breathing out. Everyone will die someday and the day would not stay bright forever because the sun goes down or scientifically... the earth is moving around the sun while rotating like a dancer dancing around in a circle.
Every hard work will pay though I do not know when exactly. It is tiring to keep working our best but still be unable to achieve the desire of our hearts.
One thing I know for sure is that if I give up now, surely I will not get my wishes.
Some said that life is unfair and cruel but we will be worse if we do not allow ourselves to celebrate every little achievement we get before getting the grand prizes.
The beauty of pain.
Pain is not something beautiful but at some point, we can call it beautiful. Sounds impossible? Especially for those who are living in pain. Uncontrollable pain.
Things that are painful on my list.
Being pregnant for 3 months just to know the baby died and I have to go for an abortion.
Unstable financially even after 10 years of working due to debts.
Broken car.
Questions regarding people that unlikely to see me live well or be happy.
The feeling of being lonely while carrying the heavy burden of responsibilities. Am I alone?
What in the world are my husband's thoughts?
No savings.
Half privacy in my own house.
Having a salary but living like unemployed.
Working overtime yet barely enough.
My positivity is ruined by negativity around me.
I think that is all for now for the bad parts. Let's see if I can list more good things in my life than the bad ones.
Things that make me happy.
I have a beautiful daughter from my second pregnancy and a caring husband.
I can earn extra money by writing blogs.
Perhaps I can buy a car in a few months if I successfully learned to trade.
Those people do not feed me and my family. I feed myself.
Though it does feel lonely sometimes I still manage to accomplish my tasks one by one.
I never understand my husband thoroughly even after 7 years of marriage but he is always there when I need him the most.
I have a little bit of savings thanks to cryptocurrencies. A bit scared because I am not sure where this will lead when the market is down.
I own a house registered under my name.
Still can afford daily needs even if it is not luxurious. Enough is happiness enough.
Lucky to be allowed over time compared to those who did not get any payment for extra work.
Even if my positivity is almost ruined, I still can brighten my days with positive thinking.
I am blessed with wonderful friends near and far.
I am still alive and things are going to be better. (Hopefully...)
Life will not always be as I wanted it to be. It will not always be a happy day. I kept in mind that I am happy yet I am not sure if I do.
One thing I am sure of is that I am grateful for all the things I have now.
It made me clueless if I am losing my peace which attracted all the negative thoughts my brain was capable of thinking.
I am not sure if it will be alright tomorrow but the only thing I can do is to do my best for today. As a good friend once said, "That is all I can do".
My best is all that I can do.
Kept for too long.
Emotions are meant to be expressed. How? This is the question we should be asking ourselves before we express it all out.
Reality? The 'How' usually comes after the expression and ends up becoming 'How to'?
Frustration.
Disagreement, disappointment, not being satisfied but also not having the capability of expressing it all because of fear.
Fear of hurting others' feelings, fear of being the sole reason things become worse than they already are, fear of being blamed for things that we never had the guts to take responsibility for.
Fear of being isolated though serenity is better than the crowd. Fewer worries about others than ourselves. Some said that it is not good to be alone but under certain conditions, being alone is the best choice.
Loneliness is not for humans or any other life in this world. I believe everything got a partner.
The sun got the moon,
The hot got the cold,
The light got the dark,
Husband and wife.
Therefore, it is probably the cause of finding someone or something to express our feelings. We cannot keep it in for too long because it made us sick. Headache, losing appetite or perhaps a continuous snack and mental illness.
Letting go.
Leaving unsettled things behind, going away for a while and doing something else less important does not mean that we are running away. It is alright to stop and let our minds be free for a while before we get back to serious matters.
Others might say that we are weak, useless and a burden. Know that we are the only one who knows about our maximum capability. The only problem will be is, "what stops us?"
Take it slow.
Be wise. No matter our decision the consequences will always get back to us.
Sometimes things are buried deep inside our hearts or things that are left running in the background process of our brain will play significant roles in the output of our decisions. Therefore, I believe it is better to clear uncertain things away before jumping to any conclusion.
We certainly do not want to have any regrets in our life and this is the one thing that I am sure of. Nobody wants to have regret.
A broken heart still got value.
Each of us has childhood memories that we cannot forget. Even if we did forget, there will always be an event in the present that will make us remember those unwanted memories. The thing about 'the past' is that it happened and there is no option to undo things that have already been done. The same goes for words that are spoken. There is no way to undo the past but there is a way to make the future better than the past.
The world is wide and so it is with the option we have in life. One can be an abused child before and chose to become an abuser later because of revenge. **The other option** will be someone as a saviour of all the other abused children. Someone who will stand and fight for the children's rights and give them a chance to have a better future. Don't you think that this second option will be better revenge than mirroring our bad memories? No other people can understand others suffering than those who experienced the same situation theselves.
Abused is just one of the examples I am using in this story.
Other than this example...
***Should someone who has a loved one killed by a murderer become a murderer to compensate for their loss? Should they kill the murderer with their own hand to make up for the loss?***
The real question is, will that be enough? Will killing the murderer give back the person we lost. Will, it really be enough to live with grieving and guilt for the rest of our life? Are you thinking that suicide will be the next option? If you are not then you are most probably blessed with a good life.
If...
We kill the murderer of our loved one and be satisfied with the revenge at that moment but then a few seconds later, a few thoughts come crossing our minds. These thoughts are...
What if this person has a child? A child that is incapable to understand the reason for losing a parent in a murder case. Then this child grows up to become just like me. I ended up creating another loop of bad memories for the world. When will it end?
Well...
It probably will not end.
But...
If we chose the other option I stated above. Will it make a change to the broken world we once knew? Perhaps it would not change the world but it might create a better place for those within our reach. The feeling of becoming a saviour for those in need is compared to the feeling of becoming an abuser or murderer. The feeling of becoming the saviour we once needed. The feeling of being in control of life as we want it to be for us too.
Our past does not matter.
Importantly is our decision for the future and our actions in the present. I know that even if we have the ability to let go of our past, some people from the same past will not let us go.
Let them be. They are difficult to be ignored but as human we have a gift to be bored. They will get bored eventually except the have the obsession to make other people life miserable. This kind of people usually having a miserable life themselves and to make them feel better, they love to be superior to other people despite being miserable themselves. They need help more than us.
So, either leave them be or help them realize their own disappointment.
"Once broken consider sold"
Sounds familiar?
Therefore, even if we think that our broken heart is destroyed or not able to be save from misery, it is still valuable and worth to be give a second chance like the kintsugi bowl. It is broken, mended with gold and value much more compared to before it broke.
Christians: Once upon a scar.
Each of us experiences pain. Any kind of pain of different level. Some got a high pain tolerance and some cannot live without their anaesthesia.
The pain usually started with a wound. The bigger the wound is the bigger the scar left after healing. What I meant here are the challenges that we face every day. Some of it cause heartache, disappointment, frustration, unmotivated, or even worse suicide attempt.
Suicide? Is this one of the best solutions?
I do not think so. What if the good things that we have long waited for happen on the next day after our suicide? I guess we would never know because we died. Our death will change happiness into mourning.
It's better to have scars than regret.
If we use all the negative energy and change it into something that gives us the strength to face the future, it will make us a better person. This is all my personal opinion.
Honestly, facing troubles without the downfall is impossible. Importantly, our capabilities to raise after the fall.
The scar is hard to heal. It will stay and if we refuse to have it, it will cost a lot just to make it look like we never had it. The only deficit in modification is that all have been written in history, memories and the past.
If we manage to go through one challenge in life, there is no guarantee that we will never face a greater challenge after.
Which is it?
To live and have scars?
Or...
To die with regrets?
I chose to live.
Mainly because I failed to die. I still feel the great burden of my responsibilities but I did not regret being alive until the time comes for my last breath.
I am blessed with a very beautiful daughter that reminds me daily of God's love for me. She is like a mirror that shows the beauty of my life. The beauty that I often miss out on.
Wishing for a dining table.
**Would you like to have a dining table for your family?**
I would love to have one. A full set of dining tables can cost up to $800 or more here and I believe that is expensive despite its good quality. Some would say that it is worth the buy but how much does it worth if I am the only one going to sit there?
My thoughts about a dining table.
It is a place where I want to gather with all the people that I care about and those who love me back unconditionally. I do not wish to have a close connection with people who take advantage of others' weaknesses.
A group of people who respect each other personal space and the ability to compromise on each other needs create the chances of living together peacefully.
Peace is what everyone needs to live together. After a long day facing the community, going home is all that is left.
Home.
Somewhere I can stay with freedom and comfortability. After years of suffering and hard work, a home is all I needed. A place where all the people I love will always come back.
Home is just like a dining table. As a human, we need to eat to survive. We will always end up sitting at a dining table whenever we are hungry.
A dining table does not need to be a table. It can be the floor.
Or outside the house.
It can be anywhere, as long as I am with the people I care for.
If I said that it does not matter if my dining table is not where I dream it should be, I am a lier. I am grateful for what I have but I cannot avoid hoping for a better one.
Hope kept my spirit alive. I will not give up until I achieve my goal. There is no easy way to achieve success but one thing I am sure of is that I will not get anything from giving up.
My dining table.
Is a place and time where I no longer have to worry about debts and put good food on the table that my family can enjoy without being stressed about the monthly budget.
The past made me stronger.
It was a memory that I never forget until now. I was 16 and that evening was a sports day at my secondary school. I was having so much fun when my parents suddenly came early to bring me home. They told me that we need to move out of our house.
Almost half of the things inside the house are packed and put inside a lorry. The rain starts falling a few minutes later. My uncle took over the house. He took over my childhood and we are forced to move out to my other uncle's house. Our house is then packed into a room.
My family had been living there for years. My parents had needed to take care of my grandparents since I can remember. Why is it that they do not have the right to get just a piece of that land where they build the house?
My uncle came just like that and chase us all out. It was almost his pension day and he do not have a house to live in.
I found out the reason recently. They said it because my mother want to chase my rude cousin out of the house after she completed her Sunday class. If I am not mistaken, my mother did all the work to make sure she completed her class.
My grandmother once said, "Are my children not coming home to see me? Are they waiting for my death before they come to visit?"
She is right. I only knew that I got a big family on the day of the burial. After that, everyone is gone.
She also said," Take care of your parents no matter how they behave because whatever happens, they will still be your parents."
It looks like my grandmother already knows what is going to happen and preparing me for it. She is the one person that I cannot forget and wish that she is still alive to take care of me.
I hated my uncle since the day he chases us out of my childhood home. I hated him so much that I do not want to see his face for the rest of my life.
My husband gave me the strength to forgive him. You cannot live with hatred for too long he said. It will ruin you. It will destroy the kind woman I married.
He didn't say it in arrangeable sentences but that is my understanding of his words.
It's time to rest.
I have done my part for the moment from memories. Now, is the time for me to build my future as the stepping stone for my daughter. I hope that I will not repeat the same misery I felt to her.
I am grateful for my past.
That past made me a strong woman. The present made me realize that I do not need to hang on to the word family which is related by blood. A family does not have to be related by blood. It is a group of people that can live together and compromise. Respectful of each other privacy and personal space.
Life is hard but it does not mean that the difficulty will prevent me to have a decent one. I am not the only one having the worst, there might be someone else having a worse fate but living better than me. If they can be better, why can't I?
That is what I often tell myself.
Deep inside
All of us certainly have something buried deep inside of our hearts. Some of it is too heavy to be kept inside but then also inappropriate to be poured out to just anyone. It seems like we have reached the end of a peaceful mind. Well, it will only be the end if we think that it is. If we keep on fighting and searching for a solution for each of those things that trouble us, it will never be the end of a peaceful life. It will only be the end if we give up on living the life we wish to.
It will not be an easy road to go through. I do not think that there is an easy road to a good life. Even those whom we thought already living a good life still encounter troubles beyond our imagination.
The first thing to do is to stop being jealous of what others have accomplished in their life. Start seeing what have we already achieved even if it is the slightest accomplishment.
Seeing a bed-bound patient, unable to move on their own at first, managing to turn sideways from a supine position independently is that kind of small achievement. Perhaps the achievement is small in our perspective but then it is a big achievement for that patient. Imagine ourselves being unable to move on our bed. Not even capable of lifting our hands and leg. One day, after a thousand training, to be independent on the bed, we are able to turn sideways without any help from anyone else.
How would you think that feels?
Most would wish to see that bed-bound patient get out of the bed and walk home but not every patient can be a miracle that we wish for. As for us, we appreciate those small improvements for it is a sign for us not to give up on that patient. That achievement is like a whispering voice telling us...
They can do it...
They will be better...
Keep on training them...
Seeing those patients train themselves over and over again even after they almost fall, even they can't even lift a finger until the moment they can take their first step away from the bed. It is a blessing. It is worth the effort to train them. It is alright even it took a month or more. They can walk again.
It hurt a lot seeing them go after they achieve that much but then death is not something we can control. I am not sure if there are others that felt the same way I do but I am sure there is. I am sure all my colleague feels the same.
The time we spent with them and those smiles we see is worth the tiredness even when we are not the most important part of that achievement. We might be the smallest parts of that achievement, but the satisfaction that we got is precious. It gave us the motivation to keep on working hard. Dedication paid us well.
Therefore...
No matter the weight of those burden we carried inside our heart, as long as we do not lose hope, someday a solution will come.
Giving up and burying ourselves into depression is easier but it is worthless. We will end up with disappointment and regrets.
After a few years.
2019, 2020,2021, and I am defeated by the virus in 2022. Lying down on my bed with my daughter, my loyal companion. I wish I could keep her away from me but I don't have the option. Perhaps I do have one option but then it seems to be impossible to be done since the only thing I can control is myself. As for those around me, I just hope they are wiser.
It does not matter the effort we took to prevent the infection, there will be a day of mistakes and we end up with...
If only I didn't...
The feeling of guilt is no longer a priority. The only thing left to do is to fight it off.
"You have been holding on for so long. It is not unpredictable that your time will come." These are the things that I told myself. Everything in this world has its time limitation including humans.
If the root problems are not solved, it doesn't matter how long we are capable to hold on because we are going to break down eventually. The only difference will be is whether we are capable of fixing ourselves and keep moving.
I know I am strong but I have been broken a lot of times to become the way I am now. I am as durable as a gym ball. You can jump on me or even put your whole weight on me and I won't explode. Yet if the weight is above my durability or if you stab me with a sharp object, I will still explode and get broken.
The only difference is a broken gym ball is not fixable(none that I know) but I can still raise and move on.
So it goes with the current pandemic. It has been quite a while. 3 years is a long period. We slowly changed from fighters into survivors. The virus has blended, multiplied, evolved, and become a part of our life. There is no longer the normal life we once knew. This is our life now.
Are we going to keep on sulking and hang on to the past?
No. We are going to compromise and evolve too. We are going to do whatever we can to survive this. Do remember that no matter what we are going to do, we are human and humanity is what keeps us as human. Without humanity, there will no longer be humans alive. We will become a bunch of homo sapiens fighting to be on top of the food chain.
Fell into the darkness
At the moment these challenges start, it felt like I have dropped into a pitch-black hole and was incapable of getting out of the dark again. It is a good thing that I trained myself to always find the positive side of a bad situation all these years. This habit had saved me from being stressed out.
There is always the presence of light in the darkness and it only takes a moment to realize it. Without the darkness can barely see the light. Try looking directly at the sun without using sunglasses. Darkness is also a part of life that we needed to balance our life. Whether we wanted to let the darkness cover our light forever or let the light cut through the darkness and shine our pathway, the choices are ours.
@heartbeat1515
