Something I lost.

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Avatar for heartbeat1515
Written by
3 years ago
In community: Freewriting(c99e)

I love the description of my job. I am happy to know that I will be able to help someone else to walk again within their capabilities, to be able to give a little bit of hope even though there might be just a small fraction of hope left. To see miracles in every moment of my working time.

I seem to be like it for 8 years. After that, I lost it. I lost my dedication to my job. I am still happy to see how my patients progress from bed bound to ambulating independently or with minimum assistance.

It broke my heart to see their motivation fade away day by day admitted to the ward. It also broke my heart to see a patient died after I am able to at least bring them to the edge of the bed or when I am just able to talk to them after their ventilation is weaned off.

That did not make me lost my dedication. It made me stronger. I want to be a better me to be able to help them better.

Then, years after the year, it seems that the aim of my work leads to more focus on documentation. I know that it is important but when the system changes a bit fast for me, I am lost. I am lost, along with my dedication.

The only things that keep me going are the smiles on each patient face when they are able to get up from the bed and walk again or at least sitting up straight again rather than just lying on the bed. That is the only enjoyment left in me but for the sakes of those who still need me, I am going to move forward and march as strong as I can for them.

Sometimes, in my life, it is other people who made me able to move forward. I lost my dedication but it made me create new possibilities for my future. Hope did not end with my lost.

Timer: My smartphone (11.45 am - 11.55 am)
Translator: None.
A device used: My smartphone.
Editing: Grammarly keyboard on my smartphone.
Prompt: I used the one that @marblely suggests in one of her articles. Below is the link.

Writing exercise

Thanks, @marblely. It is a good tool to squeeze out ideas from my brain.

11
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$ 0.02 from @marblely
Avatar for heartbeat1515
Written by
3 years ago
In community: Freewriting(c99e)

Comments

I have lost crypto money several times on the way to wisdom ;) lol

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User's avatar StarLord
3 years ago

Me too but I make sure that it is only a small amount that I can gain back somehow.

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User's avatar heartbeat1515
3 years ago

Oh.. the link was from @wakeupkitty's posts which she encouraged to use for freewrites and I gave it a try. It is pretty cool isn't it? :) Thank you @wakeupkitty!! <3

I can understand your lostness. I felt like that too in the past 10 years of my job. I liked it initially and it was very exciting and motivating to work. The team was close and we were able to do what we wanted to do in our job. But things started to change. The organization changed although my job remained sort of the same with smaller scope. We were downsized due to political reasons. People changed. Work politics was in play and it was disheartening to watch things that unfolded everyday because of this. All I could do was continue what I can everyday, trying to find motivation where I can. It was hard. There were days when I cried wondering what to do.

Your job sounded very noble. Sorry that you have been moved to work on documentations now. Although I don't mind working on documentations :) I love typing hehe.

I hope you continue to find motivation and reasons to continue. Or find something better elsewhere? Don't feel lost. Let us know if you need a listening ear. We are here <3

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User's avatar marblely
3 years ago

You are welcome. It's fun indeed all those options given to write. 👍💕

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User's avatar wakeupkitty
3 years ago

Yes, thank you for the link @wakeupkitty. I have long to burst out this feeling and the prompts help.

Yes, work politics. That is the words. If it is for something better in the future then I don't mind at all but it has been discharging negative energy lately.

I love documentation too but it is too much and buried all the work that we once do before. The only things left is showing off what you can do, how good are you in research and things like it.

I know it is good but the problem is my dedication has been swallowed by all the negatives vibes.

It could be only me. I might not yet see the benefits of it all, I hope I will someday.

I am currently searching for other things that I can do after 10 years, perhaps be successful in cryptocurrency or build a business that I will enjoy.

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User's avatar heartbeat1515
3 years ago

I think if you feel you lost what drives you it's time to start something new. Search for new challenges and go for it. 👍💕🍀

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User's avatar wakeupkitty
3 years ago

I hope to find something within 10 years.

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User's avatar heartbeat1515
3 years ago
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