It is a must.

It was a lot more fun before. I do not know the reason I become more sensitive, grumpy, bad-tempered and most of the time unsatisfied with things that happen around me.

Sensitive.

I feel lonely in a crowd and I do not think that I am blending in with my colleagues anymore. In my thoughts, I just need to finish my work. I need to do every job description completed daily. If I do not do this I will be facing sarcastic words over and over again each month. Sometimes, those words are not meant for me but then it is said to everyone in general. Listening to those words over and over again creates a loop of memories in my head. Being extra sensitive also caused me to be a little grumpy.

Unsatisfied.

There is a lot of things that make me unsatisfied especially people that are older than me but acting more like a child compared to me.

It is extreme unsatisfactory feelings for me to face people like this. Probably because I am forced to grow up quick by my father. I am taught to be independent of the age of 16 years old. Perhaps that is an age that I should be independent but to depend on me to handle the elderly bank account, to build a house for them and to stop studying because someone needs to take care of my sick mother. I do sound like a bad child, don't I?

It's a pressure that I am not capable to withstand but still alive until this day. The elderly do not need to be elderly to be respected or taken as a role model.

If you are facing the same situation, try to list out the good things in them and focus on them. My father pays for my study even if he is not capable of giving me emotional support. He took an early pension to take care of my mother and younger sister, he stop smoking cigarettes and now, he sends me to work when I don't have a car.

I am self-taught to focus on the bright side and that is the reason I survive the pressure, which is one of the stressful events in my life.

Bright side.

Nothing going to push us down if do not allow it to happen to us. It is not going to be easy and definitely won't take a day to settle. It could take years of pain and struggle that nobody else can understand but ourselves.

The question is...

Do we want to give up on getting a good life because of the toxicity around us?

Is it them who decides for us?

There is a way out. A good way out that will benefit both parties. It just won't be coming tomorrow. We need to find it. Alone.

My new principal in life...

I need to be happy before I can make others happy. It is a must.