I once made a promise to someone that I will always smile for him even if I feel bad or sad because he said that my smile gives him the strength to move on. I have been doing that for almost 5 years and it felt like I have become a professional actress. I can hide my sadness through my smile but for those who can see me directly through my eyes, my acting fail. I cannot change the way how my eyes shine when I am happy and how they look dull when I am tired or sad.
I think we have a lot of different goals in our life. He has his own and I have mine. It does not look like that we can walk together with our different goals but we are still together.
Is it love that bond us until now?
I am not quite sure about this. If we talk about love, this is going to be a very long article. I have written about love before and if you are interested to read below is the links.
Get to know a little bit about love.
Christians: A little bit more about love.
Love that grow. (A poem)
What bond us?
I believe it is faith and prayer that still keep us together. Before I decided to marry him (Yes, he is my husband), I promise the Lord that no matter what happens, I will never ask for a divorce. well, it almost happens a few times but we encountered it, still going strong.
If someone said that marriage is the happiest things to happen in life. They lied. Marriage is the most challenging and needs sacrifices.
Looking on the bright side.
In marriage, there will always be two people sharing their life. In the bible, it said that the two now become one after marriage. If they manage to stay together.
Challenging means that they manage to face any problems together and get a solution before night time especially a fight.
Sacrifices? Well, you can't always get what you want. I guess you know this without me elaborating it.
We manage to encounter all of this until now. Are we a happily married couple? I do not know. There are moments that we are happy and there are moments that we are sad. I guess that is the colourful life of a marriage. The bitter ones are included.
(Are you wondering if the title is related to all of this? I will get there soon)
Quotes for myself.
If I can't accept the worst of him then I better leave.
I have made a promise and I intend to keep it unless he gives up.
Things are not always great but there will be a lot of great things that will happen in the future if I keep being strong.
God has a plan for me and I know that His plan might not include what I want but He had prepared what I need. I just have to wait for it.
Before I keep on being unsatisfied with my husband, have I done everything that is needed to be a good wife?
If I can be someone my husband can't complain about, he has no wins against me.
After all of that.
Marriage is all about gives and take. I cannot always want to win. He deserves to gets his own dreams too.
How to know that I am happy?
I can do everything he needs without being asked to do it and so does he. There will be moments that make me smile when I think about him.
It not that easy to understand each other needs without saying a word, therefore we learn to speak up.
Now the letter.
I once felt very hurtful and I cannot trust him with my feelings. I do not believe that he will listen or understand what I really felt and need.
I wrote a letter to him. I wrote everything that I want him to know but I never gave that letter to him until now. I just keep it to read again so that I will remember my wedding vow to him.
I wrote one for my self too. I wrote all the pain that I have felt and as a way for me to talk to God. I am not very good at praying and every time I want to talk to God, I will write a letter to myself or I will write a song about it.
Those two-letter help me to calm my mind and help me to find a solution to every problem I face. They said that the Bible is a letter from God but I cannot spend a whole day finding an answer in it. I chose to write my own letter to God and He replied in His own way.
Until next time.
We (I, my husband and our child) has been facing difficulties for a while now but life is getting better. Problems will always be with us one after another but together, I think we will be just fine.
This text of you fits great with what a Dutch comedian said at New years eve 2015 about love. He brought it funnily but it is all true and indeed I can laugh about it because I got rid of the marriage, the relationship, the endless misunderstandings. He ended his speech with: to some marriage is a good thing but you always have people who need "assisted living".
I don't think men and women can understand each other. The genders are different, we think different. Plenty of books are written about this subject. Perhaps it helps reading them to understand the " why".
If you ask me there are no rules set for praying, no one knows what is a good one. One sentence from the hard should be enough. The rest are rituals made by people.
I think you should stop the smiling part. It's a promise no adult would make. You created a fake world and if you always smile while should your sadness be taken seriously?
Love means accepting someone the way he is. Ups and downs included. It's not your job to make someone always feel good but yourself at the first place. If you feel good, are happy, you can make the world shine.