No:83-05

November 16,2022

Death is inevitable , we are all going there but what if you know or you are aware that it's going to an end? How would it feel like? Would it be better knowing you only have limited time to live ? How would you react if you find out that you are sick without a cure?

I don't know what to feel when i received the news that one of my bestfriend might have a rare blood cancer that has no cure . Though Bone Marrow Transplant can be tried as one of the procedure to save one's life suffering from Leukaemia but not an assurance that the disease will be cured 100%. Not an assurance that you are going to live for long.

After series of countless tests she's gone through this year , she is now scheduled for a Bone Marrow Test and biopsy on Tuesday , November 22 at St. Lukes Medical Hospital.

Her Hematologist from Asian Hospital advised her for a second opinion and she did , at St. Lukes Hospital but the doctor has the same diagnosis and recommendation which is Bone Marrow Test and biopsy to confirm the diagnosis.

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Bone Marrow Test is a procedure wherein to confirm or rule out a diagnosis. It is used to test the fluid and tissue in the marrow and can help doctor's to determine wether you have cancer or other blood disease that affecting your bone marrow or the extent of a certain disease just in case the result of the tests shows abnormality in your marrow.

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It's been a week now since i received the news from her and it make me really sad . It affected me so badly , i feel numb and exhausted and don't have the energy to do things. We are constantly communicating and i'm trying my best to give her emotional support but everytime we are talking , i usually burst into tears.

The Dream

Just yesterday she was telling me of her recent dream and she said like this...

" I was running and trying to catch my husband and only daughter Mia , when i finally hold my daughter's hand , i suddenly submerged into a blue clear water , just like in a pool and i was amazed that when i opened my eyes , i could breath deep down the waters... I feel so relaxed and very peaceful underwater . First time i ever felt such peacefulness.. "

I don't want to interpret her dream as i told her , though it gives me goosebumps all over. I tried to crack a joke and told her that " she's a mermaid in her past life that's why she can breath underwater" but as i was typing that i don't know why i'm crying so hard.

I pretended to laugh as i'm sending laughing emoji's but i am crying really bad.

I ended our conversation by saying to her to promise me that " We are still going to use our 20% discount when we reach our senior years someday , lol! coz that's my way of saying to her how i prayed hard for her to live long. I want to lighten up our conversation and cheer her up though i was crying. 😔

Goodness , this is the hard part of trying to give hope and confidence to your love ones whose facing a difficult battle. I feel so down and exhausted . The situation is really eating me up. Fears are getting higher each day though i pray , pray and pray for her. Anxiety is striking though i'm really trying so hard to fight it.

Geez , i need strength , more than enough so i could share it to her. Wisdom , so i could tell her the right words to comfort her. Oh , how i love such a beautiful soul like her.

I wish her well , prayed over and over for a wrong diagnosis. I am overthinking coz you can't blame me... I lost valuable people in my life over the years. My first bestfriend Agnes who committed suicide , my mom and granny due to cancer , my father that i have'nt seen for long years only to find out that he's gone already.

I am strong but i am weak at the moment. I am slowly drifting but i need to hold on to something , and that is my FAITH.

If i am into her shoes , i honestly don't know how to deal with it. As much as i am thinking what to answer to the question " Would it be good to know your end?" I can't find a single word to reply. Probably i would just cross the bridge when i get there too... But of course i want my sunset to be peaceful and calm. Something that would bring peace and joy to my love ones instead of pain and sorrow.

That's it for now . Don't mean to bombard you guys with sadness. Please , once again do include her in your prayers. My sincere thanks for you guys in advance.

To my Sponsors " Salamat ng Marami!" Thank you so much as always.

Lead Image from Unsplash.

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