What does it mean?

It was difficult for me to say what happiness means. Over time things change according to the way we look at them, the material things that once gave me happiness were ephemeral. The joy I held in them was not in them, happiness was within me and I didn’t know it.

In my youth I was a very independent young woman, a fighter, tenacious and whatever I set my mind to, I tried so hard to the point of physical and mental exhaustion, but after I achieved the things that cost me so much sacrifice, I already had my next project in mind. I did not stop to enjoy what I already had.

Because in my mind I saw everything as already accomplished. I celebrated before I even had it, but there was also the detail that this achievement had to do with the next level of effort.

I know I tried too hard. I learned to be me alone in the world. I learned to be the only person I had to accomplish my goals, I set so many responsibilities for myself that life became so difficult.

But everything has its end, just as I learned to be dependent only on me. I realized that life was going too fast. Just as my careers made me take on too many responsibilities, so life went by too fast and became too short.

Over the years I learned to let go of my careers. To let go, my feeling of belonging and attachment were very strong. I was forced to let go, to release.

I don't know, I think it has to do with the maturity of the years, I stopped running and tried to live a little slower. Enjoying the simple things, not worrying about the things I can't fix, letting the world turn in its own way.

I think all the struggles in life for a goal can be achieved at a good pace and with discipline, but it should not mean sacrificing so much of a person. Just now after so many accomplishments I can realize that I have had a lifetime of work.

I have traveled so much and I have seen so much of my country but it was always while doing something else. I realize that I never had a vacation without having to work, because even on my vacations, I kept working.

But I can say with peace of mind today that many of my efforts were always motivated by my interest in advancing my son's future along with my own. My life became a fight to improve my son's life but at the same time I was very unfair because I always demanded a lot from him.

He doesn’t have my character, he’s not made for strong challenges. But even so, I always encouraged him to keep going, to not stop in the face of adversity. To let him know that I was always there with him.

I did what they didn't do with me, I demanded a lot from him, while they never demanded much from me. I demanded of myself of my own free will. I wanted to have and I got, I wanted to live well and I did.

But I was not happy, not as I would have wanted. I thought happiness was to always have a smile on my face and my happiness changed shape. Happiness was not outside me, it is inside me and I had to look for it and find it.

Today I know that for me happiness is to do what I like and enjoy doing it. It doesn't matter if I am alone or accompanied, my happiness is to feel good without hurting myself or others. My happiness is to be at peace, to be faithful to my beliefs, to live according to my possibilities, without desiring the good of others.

To be happy is to sit in my rocking chair and evoke the moments of joy that I lived with my entire family. To remember my deceased siblings, my old friends who have passed away, to live the days we enjoyed together.

Happiness is not the material good I got, but the friend I managed to keep over the years. My happiness is to be able to have my plants with me, to be able to sow, to be able to give life to new plants and see them bloom. My happiness is now to see my son as he tries to be independent in his decisions.

My happiness is to be able to attend to those who come to me and to be able to give them the knowledge of their diagnoses with the recommendation of the best solution to their illness.

My happiness now is to write the things I want, the things that come from my heart, regardless of whether people like it or not.

My happiness is to be able to help people without asking for anything in return. It’s giving and letting go.

My happiness is the conviction of knowing that I have my God on my side. That while I do not leave Him, He does not leave me. It’s knowing that I will never be alone, even though I am no longer with you, but I am still with Him.

I know that now for me happiness is not buying a house, it’s not buying a car, it’s not having too much money. It’s to feel comfortable with what I have.

And today, although I do not stop having difficulties, although I do not stop facing adversity because everything is still part of life. I can say that I am happy with what I have and who I am.

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