We are what we are.

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Avatar for gertu13
3 years ago

These days I have been reading many topics related to people's feelings and ways of being, characters that we see daily in family friends and co-workers.

One of the biggest flaws we have as imperfect human beings is to judge others. It’s as if we were excluded from the judgments that they could also make about us. It’s not that it’s wrong for us to make judgments, because one of the ways we have to get to know people is to try to elucidate their personality.

But from there to taking it to the judgment and destructive criticism by the simple fact that it proceeded or proceeds in a different way to us is another thing, because then we are assuming that others with their different behaviors are abnormal and we are the only normal ones.

Over time I have come to understand that people have different ways of relating to others without it meaning that they are sick people, abnormal, strange, or whatever adjective our brain wants to give them. We are just the way we are, as simple as that.

Differences make us unique, we are all the same if we refer to anatomy and physiology but if we go further to personalities, we are all different. Not strange, not weird, just different and accepting people's differences is what makes us mature.

Put destructive criticism aside. Personal criticism to learn to differentiate is normal, what is not normal is the criticism that puts at risk the integrity of an individual whom we have not learned to respect as he/she is.

From Unsplash.

It’s different when you meet a person who is your friend. You accepted him as he was but suddenly his behavior towards you is different, he/she does things or says expressions that you didn't know about, that's when we wonder why that person is acting differently than what is common to observe in him or her.

I have read about some people who say that we all tell lies, that we are all envious, that we all have flaws. It’s normal for a person to tell lies to defend themselves, but when the lie becomes a habit that’s when it’s not right to keep doing so.

It is normal to feel envious of people in some opportunities, what is not normal is if we always do it with every achievement of the people we have around us. I have heard my friends say that they feel a healthy envy.

You could say that it is the envy that causes your friends and acquaintances to have a bit of luck, that they have obtained a raise or that they have won something in a game of chance… What is not well seen is that every time you see a person's progress you feel frustrated and want to say that you deserve it more. We must stop comparing ourselves with others so as not to fall into unhealthy envy, I was saying this to my friend Ruffa.

It is good to be honest. It is good for people to see how we are. If we find something that is not ours and we return it… do we keep it? Because no one is looking at us... we can do it, no one will accuse us!

…But to have a clear conscience you must go and look for the owner of what you have found. But you are an honest person and with integrity?

Honesty and integrity do not mean that they are hand in hand, because we can be honest but not be of integrity.

We are honest when we find something that is not ours and we want to give it back, someone can see us and we must show that we care about others and do good.

But it's the same when you find something and nobody looks at you, you are alone, do you keep it because no one sees you? Or do you decide anyway to look for the one who might have misplaced something important? If you do it then besides being honest you are a person of integrity.

Because it’s not only good to do good things when we are seen by others, but also when no one sees us. Because it’s our own mind who can accuse us and that is the worst punishment for our peace of mind.

With all this I want to say that we can be as we are, as we want to be, we are imperfect human beings who make mistakes, in different ways, and we can be better no matter who sees us, but only for our personal growth and without making strict judgments of others, learning to respect our differences and learning to be better human beings as we evolve.

 I am a very different being in this world, I have had to leave behind all these defects with which I lived for a long time. Now I am living a better stage of my life… Trying to live better with myself and letting others live as they are.

 This is not a criticism of anyone, just my thoughts, and the way I am looking at life at this age...

Thanks to all my readers and sponsors, I love you all equally. I love reading all of your articles, even if you are neither my sponsors nor my sponsored.

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3 years ago

Comments

The earlier we realize we are all different and with different perspective, the best we can be. We are who we are and we are what we are. We can decide to be better and not, it's all depends on what we have chosen to be.

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3 years ago

Yes, it all depends on what we decide.

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3 years ago

Correct, everyone is different and we have to accept it, not everyone is like us. There are good people also there bad ones. But it all depends upon our behavior that can shift good one to bad and a bad person to good one. Actually good people and people are judged due to their behavior and their behavior is truly a consequence of how we behave with them.

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3 years ago

At some point that could happen. That people change the way they are because of others.

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3 years ago

Correct. The important thing about growing as a person is maturity as we evolve. The difference between human beings is that we are unique. Greetings to you.

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3 years ago

And unrepeatable. Each one is as he/she is. Thanks for stopping by.

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3 years ago

As they say, overfamiliarity breeds disrespect. And it think it's true, sad really. I have some experiences wherein people I befriend with has been more tactless about their words, and were often unnecessary.

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3 years ago

Yes, my dear friend. I have also lived those bad experiences. It is known that the more we relate to a person the more respect there should be. Not the opposite.

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3 years ago

Dishonesty won't take us anywhere so as much as we can, we must avoid it. And about being envy, I think we can't avoid it since we can clearly see in our surroundings that life is not unfair. All we have to do to mend it is just to accept that we have this kind of life and we have to make it better or else we will be just forever envious.

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3 years ago

I agree. When we allow the lower passions to take over our mind we will be lost. Not controlling the feelings of envy, lying and being dishonest as you say brings nothing good to our life.

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3 years ago

Precisely, ma'am

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3 years ago

It is good to be "honest", always. I'd rather get an honest information that white lies just to please me. I love how the way you explain it so well. More writings to come!

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3 years ago

Thanks for your commemt. I appreciate it

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3 years ago

We should learn to love others with their own flaws and virtues. We are all different, that's the beauty of being human. Learning to respect each other and live in harmony all the time is the best thing that could happen to us.

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3 years ago

Yes. Embracing diversity is a fantastic thing. Thanks for your words.

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3 years ago

Being a lot more judgemental and overly critical of others even when such criticism lacks all moral justification is very abhorring. Recall you said, "we judge others forgetting we have our own problems too". I believe when we call that to mind, then the chances of an unproductive and an unconstructive criticism would be more rife in the air i'm afraid

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3 years ago

Thanks for your words.

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3 years ago

This is what happened to one of the characters in Anime I watched yesterday, I mean about envy. I also feature it in my article last night. Good thing, the character on that Anime woke up and decides to change his mindset and get back to his friends. Now he's not alone anymore, no more negative thinking and all. We shouldn't let envy get the best of us. It can be destructive and the effect is now so good. It will just cause us stress.

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3 years ago

Yes, I totally agree. When we let those bad feelings take over our life we will be lost. Very sick.

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3 years ago

It's not a good feeling to take. I hope some can get over to this kind of situation.

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3 years ago

Normal people do judge and criticize for that is what we are, the best topic in a group wherein everybody cares and active to participate as if we know those persons personally. But as we age our perception and actuation in life changes. We became resilient and mellow thus, being considerate on what others call not normal for that is what they are. No one is perfect, everybody is imperfect, those who were envied are not all fortunate and those felt less fortunate are the lucky ones. The only thing is it was not discovered because of comparing oneself to others, which the natural thing for us humans.

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3 years ago

Thanks for your commemt.

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3 years ago

Indeed that is why sometimes when things are very personal matter, I usually tried to shut up and don't give opinions as it may sound judgement to them.. as for envious I agree that it's normal I do feel it but never did I tell, that I deserve more than those people who got better opportunity.. because if the mindset is like that then there must be a problem, psychologically.

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3 years ago

This is what happens with lying, envy, dishonesty that if we do not learn to control our feelings, they become a disease.

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3 years ago

Human beings are imperfect. If we dont make mistakes then we dont belong here. But when we accept your mistake before finding fault in others, then we are perfect. Everyday we learn something new from someone - if good it should be appreciated else ignore it.

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3 years ago

It is good to learn from our mistakes. But no matter how hard we try, we will always be imperfect humans. Trying to be better humans is what we do throughout our lives.

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3 years ago

Mum always says "no one is above the other." We are all equal and we have to treat everyone with respect. Minding your own business and let people do what they want and be themselves. Because at the end of the day he/should be the one who will see the dirt in her eye, you can tell her or you don' but time will show her.

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3 years ago

It is something that can be very difficult for us to understand. Until we do. And there is nothing better than feeling good about yourself as a person.

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3 years ago

I think one with a good judgment will appreciate criticisms and make himself become better, regardless of whom the criticism comes from. One person doing good things because someone is looking is fooling not the other person but himself :)

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3 years ago

This is something we can often see. When someone takes something and then turns sideways to see if they are being watched. It is to disrespect their own honesty. He deceives himself.

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3 years ago

Haha, yes that is true. I even witnessed someone do that :D

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3 years ago

I don't want to judge but I always see it. I don't stay on the spot because I know what his next step will be.

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3 years ago

And witnessing someone do that and don't say a word, the conscience also bothers us

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3 years ago

But sometimes it's better not to talk. We don't know with what ruse he will want to defend himself.

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3 years ago

That's true, it can be dangerous too

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3 years ago

Haha, yes that is true. I even witnessed someone do that :D

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3 years ago

It is okay to tell lies and to be envious as it is normal human attribute and we cannot avoid them. We just have to be mindful of our feelings sometimes because it might lead to bitterness and hatred. Too much telling of lies and too much enviousness could harm ourselves only. So we should choose the feeling that we nurture.

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3 years ago

I think it is not right to tell lies and envy. But these are human feelings that we must control. If we don't, they control us. Then it becomes a disease.

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3 years ago

A very good balanced view of things as they are and ought to be. I like your way to explain the difference between honesty and integrity. I would like to add one thing though, I like when people practise what they preach. To me that is also a part of integrity. Word and action should be one.

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3 years ago

Thank you for your appreciation. Therein lies the practice. In honesty is what I say I do and in integrity is what I feel, what I really do. Thanks for stopping by to comment. I appreciate it.

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3 years ago

Unhealthy enviousness will bring no good. You are right gertu, we are all unique and should stop comparing ourselves to other people. We have our own path to take and not anybody's shadow.

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3 years ago

Very good decision. We have to do the best we can as human beings in our passage through life.

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3 years ago