Death...an ugly word?

This morning, I awoke to a very sad news of the sudden passing of my friend's dad. I could only say comforting words which I am not really sure are indeed comforting to her. I could feel the she is in pain but I couldn't say how deep is the pain. I have never experienced the pain of losing a person very dear to me. In fact, every 1st or 2nd of November, I remember tagging myself along with my friends while they visit the resting place of their departed loved ones. I too have dead relatives of course but either none of them are too close to me or they are buried in the province so I cannot go and visit them every now and then.

While conversing with this friend, many big questions came to me. I just used to ask these questions to my students in Introduction to the Philosophy of the Human Person (I have to be specific here as I am not a philosophy major and neither are my students). Why is there death? Why is death something we would not really talk about in normal conversations? Why is it painful to lose someone we love? Are we ready to die? What happens to people depending on me if I die? These are just a few questions related to death. Now, I am asking them to myself in the hope of finding the most comforting words for her perhaps to lessen the anguish she is feeling at that moment.

There are many views about death and they are mostly dependent to the beliefs of every person. For Epicurus, death is the cessation of sensation. Could this mean that death is just physical death? Or when one stops seeing, hearing, talking and feeling which could happen even when one is physically breathing, can this be death? Is Epicurus saying that death is the end of it all? Then I guess I would just tell my friend that we should not feel bad about his passing because it ended his sensation along with all the pains and inflictions he may have. Would she be comforted?

Another way people use to comfort the grieving is on essence. The nihilist, essentialist and existentialist focus on this in understanding life and death. However, they see essence in different respects. The nihilist believes that life is meaningless and so death is the best escape to this meaninglessness. This is quite similar to how the great philosopher Plato sees the human body -- a cruel imprisonment where man can only be freed by death. Should I then tell my friend that his father is finally free? The essentialist however, believes that life is finding essence because each one has an essence. Man for this view is tasked to find his essence in his life. Finally, the existentialist believes that it is man's job not just to find but to create his own essence. Then maybe I can tell my friend that her dad found his essence so he had to go or that he was able to create his essence so he had to go. Will that be comforting enough?

I really do not know. Death is just a mystery to me. Many if not all people are afraid of it but come to think of it. We live each day because of death. Our stomachs are cemeteries of dead fish, animals and plants. The pig had to die so we may have pork. Need I go on? This is what I know, death can teach us a lot of things. As Martin Heidegger said, "We should spend more time in graveyards".

My condolences to you my friend.