What is genuine happiness? How it felt like? Where can I find real happiness?Can I find it in a certain place? To a person? Or a thing?
These are the questions formulated in my mind everytime when I'm alone. I saw a lot of people wears smile on their faces but in the back of my mind there's these questions that keep on popping. Are they really happy? Is their smile really from their heart? Maybe I had that questions because I am like that. I am a kind of person who always smiles, laughs and crack jokes. Many people see me as a happy person. They thought that I don't have any problems in life. But the truth is-Yes, I smiles a lot, I laugh hard, I crack lame jokes but deep within me I felt empty. I always asked myself when can I genuinely laugh. When can I feel the real happiness. I prayed God to let me feel and experience what happiness is.
As a product of a broken family, I haven't experienced being cared and loved from my parents. Growing with so much struggles and painful pasts, made me crave for happiness. I always seek it like a treasure but can't find it anywhere. For me, it is like an unreachable dream. No matter how hard I tried to be happy, deep inside I can feel that something is missing. Something in me is not complete. I longed the essence of happiness. No matter what I do I always ends up at night questioning myself. I always ends up crying while hugging my pillow trying to find comfort.
Until an angel came- my baby.
The very first time I heard her heart beats during my first prenatal check up, I got so emotional. I almost cried when I saw her in the monitor. I can't explain the happiness I felt during that time. God answered my prayers.❤️ I told myself, this is the happiness I always dreamed of. The happiness that really comes from within.😊(literally and figuratively ). The feeling is surreal. I can still remember the moment I first saw her, I had this indescribable feeling especially when the nurse put her in my chest. She was so tiny yet she fulfills the missing part of my life. She made me whole.😊 She made me feel that I'm capable of achieving all my dreams.😊 Every time I look at her, I can't explain my feeling. It feels like it melts every time I stare her small face.
When I became a mother, my life changed. I no longer cried at night because of longing. Because of that , I made a promise to myself that I will give all the love and care for my baby. I won't let her experience all the hardships that I encountered. I know it's not easy to be a mother, but I will do my best to be a good mother to her. I will never leave the gift that God gave me. I thank God for giving me the happiness that I need. Now, I finally found the source of my genuine happiness.
What's that link below? Your baby is cute 😁