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A long time back I was dating a man who kidded that I had "daddy issues" after I imparted to him that my dad and I were not friendly. I don't know whether that was as yet at the forefront of his thoughts when he requested that I call him Daddy later on during sex. Strangely, I don't think so. I think he was absent.
I end up considering that day regularly. As far as I might be concerned, it's a telling depiction of how much recuperating still should be done to move obsolete man centric perspectives. Our way of life propagates the story that it's ladies who have irritating daddy issues — not that our dads have annoying daddy I find myself thinking often about that day. For me, this is a vivid snapshot of how much treatment it takes to change the outdated view of patriarchy.
Our culture continues the saying that women have unresolved father problems, not our fathers have unsolved daughter problems. These seemingly innocuous comments are like scraps of paper on the skin of feminism. As a straight woman, you should be strong, but not too strong. It should be smooth, but not too smooth. I shouldn’t have the scars of childhood trauma, but when we lie naked in bed, I should call the male figure in my life a dad. Once you see how distorted this is, you will not be able to look away.
I have begun to call this phenomenon daughter humiliation. why?
Tell the women that they have problems with their father and that the responsibility rests entirely with the daughter, but she cannot solve the problem alone, and she knows this. She is ashamed of the root cause that there is no cure or no solution found. Society humiliates its daughters because they are easier targets than patriarchy. They told their daughter that they had a problem with their father that made them smaller. Keep them in a subordinate position.
The reason is simple: the problem between my dad and I is deeply rooted.
They are our problem, not mine. Not a "your" problem. To be clear, I am not saying that solving the shame of the daughter is the shame of the father. I affirm that the wounds that have not healed in the past belong to both sides. As long as we continue to create shame, neither side will heal. I personally healed, knowing that my father was injured. Compassion is a natural byproduct of healing. The border is too. I can love him from a distance while protecting my peace.
This is the collective wound that we want to heal. The stakes are high. Think of the men of today as the father of the next generation. The injured children are raising their children. I don't want another generation of unhealed people to raise their children according to a piecemeal plan.
We must be the ones who keep our feet on the ground and stop it. The unhealed wounds of childhood have permeated every corner of our lives. They make us look for partners who remind us of the parents we are eager to connect with. In my case: very intelligent, emotional, dominant and agnostic men. Trying to love them and subtly convincing them to love me is essentially a courageous attempt to love yourself. I'm working hard for my self-esteem in the worst possible way, and when men comment, I get upset on a deeper level.
Even as a woman who seems likely to live together, I am deeply concerned about being a good person. I equate good behavior with being loved. The problem with outsourcing self-love is that it cannot last. It is a band-aid that does not stick. It is never a lasting love, because it was not created by you. That is superficial love, and you must be loved more than that. No one can give it to us until we learn to give it to ourselves. To heal childhood trauma is to free yourself from the performance art of dating. It is going deep into your heart, talking with your inner child, and offering comfort or hugs. In essence, those of us who are shy by our daughters can only find salvation by seeing each other again.
Dr. Nicole LePera (holistic psychologist) has done incredible work in self-repair and healing, and freely share her talents with the world. When one of us has the courage to heal and share our story, we will allow the men and women around us to also receive treatment. Let's Create a World If we see a woman with her daughter's wounds, we will not talk about the father's problem, but we will think of ways to encourage her. Let's share our healing story. Let's create a world where we inspire the men around us to learn to compliment beautiful women without inadvertently cutting them off. Let's create a world where people can feel the range of human emotions freely without judgment.
Let's create a world where our healing story is the story we tell our grandchildren. Where I live, there is no war for our personal freedom. What a privilege this is. For our peace, our previous generations risked their lives. We have taken the witness from our ancestors, but the work has not yet been completed. The war we must fight now is internal. We must fight for our personal freedom. We must fight for our inner peace, and we must give it to our children. This is the mission for the welfare of our humanity. It should start now.
These apparently harmless remarks resemble paper cuts on the skin of women's liberation. As a hetero lady, I'm relied upon to be solid, yet not very impressive. I should be delicate, however not very delicate. Shouldn't bear any scars from my youth wounds, however I should call male figures in my day to day existence Daddy when we are bare in bed. When you perceive how turned this truly is, you can't deflect your eyes.
I've taken to calling this marvel Daughter Shaming. Why? To tell ladies they have daddy issues puts the duty exclusively on the little girl, however she can't tackle the issue alone, and she knows it. At the base of this powerlessness to recuperate or discover goal, she feels disgrace.
Society disgraces its little girls since they are simpler focuses than the man controlled society. They tell their little girls that they have daddy issues to keep them little. To keep them subordinate.
Actually basic: The issues between my dad and I run profound. They are our issues — not 'my' issues. Not 'his' issues.