My journey to fostering (1)

Sunday, 17th of October 2021

It's been a while since I posted anything about my fostering journey. I was hoping to post regular updates about the whole process, which I was expecting to be long and complicated, but in fact it has been a smooth ride so far.

First time I heard about fostering was back in 2011. I was working at the engineering company called Capricorn, which doesn't exist anymore. They were manufacturing pistons and liners for sports car's engines and I was employed there as a quality inspector. I was still a heavy smoker back then and I would chat with many of my colleagues in the smoking shed.

When a subject of spouses came on one day, I asked my colleague what does his wife do and he said she was a foster carer. Of course I had no idea what it meant, so he explained that she was looking after children from disturbed families, who for whatever reason were take away from their homes by social services.

This instantly stroke a chord within me. If you have read my earlier article HERE, you probably know why. As a young teen I was also taken away from my parents and placed in 'children's house' as we called them in Poland. When my colleague explained what fostering is, I thought to myself that it is a great idea to go about it this way. Rather than being placed in a big building with 100 other children and a few carers, children are placed at family houses and have a constant attention of adults when needed.

I myself didn't mind being in the children's house, in fact I had lots of fun there, but I was already 11 and very independent by them. My brother was 8 and later in life he told me he was struggling a lot. We were placed in different groups and on different floors and we rarely had any contact with each other. Fostering agencies do their best to not separate the siblings if possible and I think this is much better solution.

The time is not right yet

Back in 2011 I was still married and 10 years younger and I was hoping to have a family of my own, so as much as I loved the idea of fostering, the timing wasn't right for me just yet. In 2013 I separated from my husband and went on a long journey of self discovery. It took me a few years before I managed to collect broken pieces of myself.

All this time it felt like the fostering thing is 'stalking' me. I would hear adverts about it in the radio, see posters in the city council, heard of a distant friend doing it etc. Every now and again I would check websites of fostering agencies to learn more about it, but the time still wasn't right.

Fun fact - in 2013 I had a tarot reading and the lady also read my palms. She said there are many potential kids, many more than she usually sees and I looked at her all confused. I didn't plan a huge family, max 2 kids, but she said there were many more on the cards. Only now it kind of starts making sense.

Are we there yet?

Last year Tina decided that she wants to be a foster parent. At first I thought she was joking, but she not only wasn't joking, but also went and did it! The process took 8 months in her case, as she needed background checks from Cyprus where she lived for a few years and in general let's just say she lived through a lot. Her first placement was rather challenging, but the second one was already very well matched.

Once I came back from Netherlands earlier this year, I finally met Tina's foster child and began spending more time with her. Both my friends, Tina and Crystal were trying to convince me I should give this a go to. I have 2 spare bedrooms in my house and they could be a nice peaceful heaven to children who aren't well taken care of in their parents house. I was hesitating for couple more months until finally I decided to take a first step and scheduled my first call with the agency.

And the journey began...

Hearing about Tina's long and tricky application I set myself out for a challenge. I expected it to be a bumpy road, but I also promised myself to give it my best shot. The process started with talking to 2 different ladies from the fostering agency before I could even fill in my application. This is to assure only serious candidates are allowed to apply. The application itself was like an extended job application, where on top of the usual things you'd have to inform the agency about your health history as well as any significant event that happened in your life. You also need to sign a bunch of documents agreeing to background checks, medical checks, financial checks. On top of this you need to provide 3 work and 3 personal referees.

My issue in general is to leave everything to the last minute and then get stressed in the rush. This was very different and I even surprised myself with how promptly I was responding to each request from fostering agency. Once my social worker was assigned to me we scheduled 8 meetings, 1 for each week and in preparation for each meeting I would get a homework to do. It would be either a bunch of additional forms to fill in with various information or a set of personal questions about my relationship with my parents, siblings, friends, children as well my views on life.

Coincidentally my social worker/assessor turned out to be the same Tina has been working with. During her second visit she already had a panel booked for me for 6th of December, which is always good sign, as they don't usually do it so early in the process if they don't think the candidate has a good chance of passing it. This gave me an additional confidence boost. My social worker loved my approach of promptly completing every task she assigned to me and thanks to this, the whole process went very smooth and fast and we were able to even skip some of the appointments, so she could fill in Form F with all the information I gave her during the visits and from the homework she was giving me.

During her last visits she gave a me a list of things I should equip my house with in preparation for placement. We have already completed everything else ahead of schedule and within a week she will pass the completed Form F to another assessor before it comes back to me to read and sign, ready for the panel. I have one more task to complete and that is to attend Skills to Foster 3 days course. I was already booked for the course at the beginning of this month, but then I was suddenly ill and my voice was gone, so I couldn't attend the course as it involves interaction with the group. My next booked course is Tuesday 19th of October and once this is completed I will just be waiting for the panel and soon after - my first placement.

Nearly there...

In my application I opted for children of age between 3 and 13, both sexes and of mild to medium disabilities and/or learning difficulties. Since I've never had children myself, I wouldn't be confident dealing with babies below the age of 3 or older teenagers, who could easily overpower me. I remember being a loud teenager myself and I wouldn't want to start my journey with a challenge I wouldn't be able to deal with.

That said, I am looking forward to this new journey I am about to undertake with a mixture of excitement and a little nervousness. My life is about to change drastically, but thinking of it, my whole life can be described as growth through change. I'm not a kind of person who can sit still for years in unchanged circumstances. I'm not afraid of change, I embrace it and I thrive in it.

So I say: Bring it on! I'm ready!

Until next time 💙