8th day struggles makes me human for the 30 days writing challenge

8th day for the 30 days writing challenge, honestly there are a lot things now that made me think about life, according to William Cho "Struggle is what gives us meaning and makes us human, and I definitely agree with that.

I am 38th years old now and as a woman in a middle age, struggles is always in my life. There are a lot of reason why I struggles, that need to be overcome with the grace of the Lord or else my mental consciousness will be affected. I really want to share how I struggle losing people who are so dear to me.

Facing the Loss of my mother in law and my Father

https://read.cash/@eve/a-mothers-love-part-1-13d9f878

https://read.cash/@eve/days-in-the-hospital-50052bd0

She past away last May 14 and until now I really cant believe that she is already gone. It was still fresh in my memory how her last day with us. She always told me that "she's happy when we are there in her house having some conversation about life. I always told her not to overthink and she definitely said that "I don't think anything" but we know that there is something that bother her, because she complained those sleepless night and it affect her health.

For almost two years we are the one who took care of her need even though she had a caregiver we make sure that proper attention must be given with her as a 81 years old with a disability from a stroke she is very sensitive with the people who surrounds her, simple conversation about those family member who never visited her is always an issue for her because she missed her them, we all had life in our own that's why we forgot to visit her but if there is a time like my rest day Saturday and Sunday Ill take her a bath ,cooked food that she wanted to eat, did some conversation that she loves to hear.

We had her at Christmas and New year for two years and celebrated her birthday at 30th of December and she was happy to be with us but there is always a pain in her heart about the son she always wanted to talked but took her for granted, until the last minute she knew what happened in her surroundings.

She suffered from comma for almost three days until the doctor said that there is nothing that they can do and we refuse to intubate her because we all know that it will be very difficult at her age to undergone intubation, when she got home still in comma almost 24 hours she died. That was the time that the people who took her for granted came but for me it's to late.

In her last days she always said that life is so hard for her "hirap na hirap na ko" I cried because there is nothing I can do to make her life easy because those things that made life harder for her are those people who once in her life she gave a helping hand but in the end made her life miserable.

We love her with all our heart because of her my patience as well as my strength tested so much because at her age full attention is badly needed. I need to cover up that I am so tired about the everyday life.

There is always loneliness and longingness in her life for those children who never visited her. She said that she is not a good mother that's why it happened to her but I definitely disagreed with her because I always saw a mother who is so willing to help but you must be worthy of her help. She is always happy when she had a small talk with her neighbors.

It's been a month with out her but it seem just yesterday that she's just in the door way looking to someone who will pay her an attention. I know that she's in heaven right now "no more pain" " no more worries"

The healing process of loosing someone who are so close to you is a process that you can never anticipate when you can overcome.

My father died for almost 3 years but the pain is always in my heart, remembering those days that I am with him, those wonderful times when I was a child is the most memorable thing that happened in my life, he was the only one who loves me unconditional. He always top his hand in my shoulder and I missed that very much.

In his side I always felt that I am her first love as the 1st child, he spoiled me when I was a little one but time came that her little princess became a mother, but his love and support never change until the last time that we saw him, he was so jolly that time and chat my partner with a lot of things. I know his in heaven right now and happy to know that my life is okay now.

This is one of the struggles in my life right now coping with loss of the people who are so dear to my heart, but I know they are happy now no more pains and suffering in life. I do had regrets not spending more times with him and that is the pain that will always in my heart.

I will get back to what William Cho said that struggle is what give us meaning and make us human, it is true because when we struggle we became stronger than before and humanity is in our lives.