This is what I call Freedom.

July 31, 2022

Sunday

It’s a lovely day to work on some writings today, isn’t it? And here, today, my lazy body suddenly got the guts to jot down some to put up as an article.

Am I seeing this calendar on the wall correctly? It’s already the last day of July! Oh, days are passing so quickly and I didn’t even notice it earlier. While some are busy preparing their month-end reports and accomplishments, well, mine’s different.

I have nothing to show you because I’ve been absent for days, lol. Yet my absence doesn’t mean I am doing nothing. Maybe my time here on this platform is already limited to short periods only, I, unfortunately, became even busier these days.

Before it was so stressful being in an extended family but believe it or not, God made a way to make our life a little more comfortable now.

Somehow, I could say, that the freedom I longed for is now here, it’s back and hopefully it wouldn’t leave me, us again.

Doing the things that you want without asking permission or without the consent of anyone can be called freedom. Going out, hanging out without worrying too, however, for me, it’s more than that. I always yearn for that freedom deep inside; free from worries, free from being anxious about what others might say of my actions and decisions.

Free from judgment especially from my loved ones.

I don’t want the feeling of being misunderstood but because you don’t want to hurt them, you just let those pains pass.

And I felt I was imprisoned by the year 2019 started. It was all because my mom decided to be an extended family. I guess, I already shared here, that we are living that way since 2019. It was good at first, seems we were having a reunion because we were a broken family before, my mother left us when I was 8.

Maybe since my father already has a new partner and was living there in his new partner’s place, my mom wanted to stay with us to cope with the time years has stolen away from us.

However, as time goes by, our life became stressful and toxic, simply because we felt we were imprisoned as new parents, we can’t decide and make the moves that we want.

Anywhere we go should have reasons and explanations first, then we were obliged to provide for the whole family including the extended ties.

And on those moments, my relationship with my husband was tested too, our faith, hopes, also our dreams. Both of us were pressured, and even asked ourselves, could we still handle this kind of life for many years to come?

A lot of things and realizations happened during those moments, there were ups yet the down were more at peak.

But truly, prayers and faith with God work all the time. Because just recently, when my mother was at her lowest, she has no owned money, her little business here was a failure, and it gave her a lot of debts, she suddenly received a blessing.

And that blessing she received was also a blessing in disguise for my family.

To make it short, my mom decided to go back to the city to continue her living there because she finds this place a little not good for any business. She was given a proposal for a job and got so many offers after she went back there, and I am very happy for her. She now has work, in a ticketing outlet in a mall where she used to work before, plus she has a new small business in her new residence.

My mom is also happy about her new life journey, but still, our connections and communications are there, these shouldn’t be taken off.

Everything is falling into its good places, and I thanked God for His little ways of giving us comfort and peace. Finally, the freedom that I wish for is back.

Now our life before the year 2019 started went back to normal again.

Presently, I even become a full-time housewife and mother, and even better than before. That’s why I distance myself sometimes on social media and the internet, because I truly missed this feeling, feeling of freedom and joy of harmony at home.

And of course, because we can do what want now as a family, I miss our bonding, those bonds where no one could dictate to us what to do and judge us as parents too. This peace and freedom matter to me a lot, it does.

That’s why, I am always grateful to God because He is always there, He’s listening and He has better plans than what we are thinking.

If before, we were so pressured to save to build our home just to separate from the house where we are living, God silently made His ways to make it easy for us.

Though I know, this freedom we experience now might be temporary, still, my heart is full of thankfulness because of what we are experiencing now.

Indeed, nothing is permanent in this world, even our worries would end too.

I just wanna share this short story of mine, especially with those who are experiencing the stress I have experienced before.

“Though, life might throw us surprises we don’t expect, not at all times, we could receive stones and rocks of burdens because sometimes, it showers flowers too.”

Just don’t mind my saying, those were just results of my cheerful heart at the moment. Soon, all our worries would be gone and be replaced by the yearnings we longed for. Just keep our faith and stay strong until that day comes.

Let me just end it here. Thank you for your time with me again. All of these are very much appreciated. 🤗🌸

Love,

@eommaZel