Remembering the Old Me

May 12, 2021

Wednesday

Everyone knows me for being a silent type person at home even at school, I make jokes, but only laugh with selected people around me, and I am just mostly quiet at times.

Growing up with an incomplete family is indeed tough. And I believe having a broken family affected me that much.

I was a completely different person from who I am today. I was so careless, reckless, weak, and a cry-baby.

While growing up, I am full of insecurities, just like any teenager with low self-esteem. I let people laugh at me, that I can’t defend myself, not because I am afraid, but because I don’t want to add fire and make the situation hotter. I always let myself shoulder all the responsibilities and took all the blame. I don’t want to see other people suffer I never noticed that I am the one who’s suffering.

Every time people asked me, what’s my dream; I always replied to them with a faint smile. And I’ll try to remember what my elders told me. I need to become a nurse. I need to become a teacher. But honestly, none of them is my cup of tea.

It’s like a bitter pill to swallow to inscribe the things that I don’t want to. As a kid, I felt I was imprisoned with a vision of somebody’s will. Not my “own”. I even became uncertain of what I truly want in life, because I know whatever it is, in the end, it won’t still happen. So after I graduated from college, what's noted in my head is that I need to find a job and earn money. That’s all.

If you want to read what was my first job all about you can read this article I wrote. A Dining Staff

Until in the new world that I’m in, in the city, I met the difficulties of living alone. I’m used to be alone, but I’m living in a completely different world now full of strangers. I found a new family at my workplace but not in the street that I used to rent a room. I was almost harassed by a roommate but I thanked God I was saved and find the courage to escape.

The feeling was like hell and I don’t want to remember it anymore. And that’s why I hate my old self, for being too weak and careless, and for trusting people easily without thinking of the possibilities that might occur.

I became a different girl after that day. I never trust men easily. I was prone to harassment because I’m too weak. I need to be tough and that’s what I told myself. I learned to say no and ignore people. If before I let other people abuse my weakness by doing and saying always yes to them, I am now changed by the circumstance that I experienced.

I am still vulnerable at times, but I’m not too weak unlike before. Those experiences traumatized me for being too good to people. I now learn to value myself, my importance, and my dignity.

I will not blame other people for the misery that I had encountered before. It was purely my fault for letting them stepped on me.

I am now completely changed and to my old self, I have said my farewell to her. The old me will always be known but I won’t let it go back.

Now, the girl people used to laugh at regain her dreams, she’s ready now to make a change in her life. She’s now getting and setting goals after goals, and ready to face the future with enthusiasm.

Though those experiences were terrible, I am still grateful to meet them. Those are the reason why I was changed and chose to be better, simply because I don’t want to be miserable anymore in life.

I thought life was hard before, but later I realized I am only the one who’s making it hard to deal with. Life is just waiting for us to make. We are the ones who are making it, from the decisions we’ve made, the choices we took.

Now I am currently in a great community that’s making my life’s journey even more amazing, my life became more colorful. Oh, how lucky I am to be a part of this crypto world. Who would think that the weakling many years ago is now paving her way in the crypto universe?

Well, I’m not exaggerating it but I’m currently loyal to the Bitcoin Cash community and a proud member of the #Club1BCH Family.

I am still an ordinary woman but the only difference is I have BCH in my hands and my life now. Thinking to hold even just one full of it makes me feel special now. But, oops! I am not there yet; my goal is still in progress.

I still need to save 0.37 BCH more until 1BCH and this year is the year that I know I’ll achieve it. I’m just thinking positively! I missed doing that many years ago for always looking down on myself. Now I learned to chin up, failure or not at least I tried right?

But who knows? I’m not quitting and will never quit. I am certain that 1BCH is possible. I’m now renewed; the old weakling inside of me isn’t here anymore.

Though I may fail at times, stumble, and fall I am sure that I can stand up now with a chin-up while facing life’s challenges. My experiences made me who I am today, those lessons I learned will always be remembered, to my old self, thank you for existing but I won’t need you now. Just inspire me to be better and will also be recognized.

*By the way I would like to extend my gratitude to everyone who wished for my upcoming wedding. I am so pleased and excited too! Thank you so many guys for your warm wishes, I highly appreciate it all.

My recent article link: “How Far Bitcoin Cash Had Helped Me”

Written by: @eommaZel ✍🏻🥀