A family would be happier if complete, that's what I thought since I grew up in a broken family. Maybe, things would be better and lighter if we are complete as a family if I grow up with a mother's care. Living in an incomplete family is hard, you can't tell how hard it is unless you're one who's living in a broken family.
Every broken family has its own stories, why it ended up broken or incomplete. I have my own story too, things were complicated when I am still young. I just knew that there's something wrong with my parents. They fought and quarrel every night, daily. But I heard some stories about why they do quarrel, but I didn't dare to ask them if it was true until now.
I know that family problems come in all shapes and sizes; some are short-lived and easily managed, while others are more lasting and difficult to handle. And those family problems my parents handled ended in broken promises, broken hopes and eventually ended up a broken family.
Honestly, a broken family has a huge impact on what I am today as a person. I am molded and shaped through the hardships and struggles I faced.
Overcoming my Weakness
Most people will say children who grew up in a broken family most likely will become unruly individuals as they grow. Some might be rebellious and will do or engage in bad vices, such as alcohol, fraternities, and worst, drugs. That is because children from a broken family have less supervision from an adult, from their parents to be exact. But I'm thankful those bad deeds didn't enter my mind not even once.
Here, I just recently found my report card when I was in kindergarten. It was too old but my teacher's remarks are still readable.
She said,
“Try to participate in class discussions to overcome your shyness.”
Yes, I grew up as a shy person. From I was young until I'm in school. That shyness is my weakness, and did you know why I am shy? It's because I am shy about me, about my family. It hurts to think that I'm living in a house in which I completely felt that emptiness. I am shy when someone will ask about my mom.
“Where's your mom? I haven't seen her. ”
Those words will make me mute for minutes. It gives me complete silence, for I don't know what to answer them. But as I grew up and age, I learned to cope up with my family's situation, I learned to accept the truth and the fact that we are broken as a family, that I can't do anything about it. It's hard but all I have to do is accept it and overcome my shyness. And I always thought that no one will backup me whenever I'm in trouble, that all I have is me, but I was wrong. As the saying says, “No man is an Island” when I was in elementary, I have a group of friends where I can open up to with. They're my best friends, my companions and they didn't know that they helped me in overcoming my situation and myself. I engaged in my school activities and proved to myself that I can overcome my shyness.
Here are some of my certificates received from joining some school competitions.
*I found these certificates unexpectedly in my storage box.
The Value of Home
Growing up in a broken family makes me vulnerable. At a very young age, I saw my mom and dad fought until they cried. I saw their weaknesses in front of me, which makes me never wanted to have a broken family in the future. I learned to value our home, that if I'll have my own family in the future, I will never let them suffer what I have suffered when my family was torn apart. And here I am, having my own family, raising my children with values and respect. When problems hit our family, we never surrender, instead, my partner and I became stronger as years passed. We value our relationship, our family our home. We won't let problems ruined us, we consider it as lessons in life to make us more productive and stronger as our family grows.
My Compassion
I knew at that very young age that I can't have all the things that I want to have. I learned to be compassionate to myself and ers. As I experienced too much loneliness at home, to see my family's situation, I learned to show kindness and empathy to others. I don't want someone to feel lonely in front of my eyes too. For me, I d be easier for someone who's struggling if he has a companion, a pal who's beside him. In those times, all I need was someone who can understand me, someone who is willing to listen, and that's what I did to other kids like me who are suffering too.
I became Independent
When my mom decided to left us, I became a mother and an older sister in an instant. I have an older brother with me, but I saw that he. wasn't capable of a woman's duty. He is struggling and I can see that he. suffers more than I was. He was too affected, that he stopped one year of school. At the age of six, I was taught to cook. Before my parents took part ways, my. mom trained me in the kitchen. I cooked our meals, but only simple and easy meals. Then it became my training ground, as years passed, I became independent. I am fearless than my brother, after I graduated from college, I decided to find a job and live independently. I became brave, as I was mold to be braver when I was still young. That I know that I need to be tough and be strong for myself as life continues.
Distance myself from Toxic People
I saw my family has torn apart in front of me. Honestly, a broken family is a toxic environment to grow up with. I saw raging emotions, I've heard foul words, and saw the worst scenarios right in front of my eyes. From those experiences, I learned to distance myself from toxic people. It is easier for me to differentiate people and their intentions. If who can be a threat to my life and those who are not. I'm not judging a person easily, but I know the qualities of toxic personality as I saw and define toxicity when I was still young.
Protective
Yes, it taught me to protect the people whom I love. I don't want them to feel physical and emotional pain. I remembered when my brother was sick at home alone, I asked my teacher if I could go home to look over him. My classmates laughed at me, they told me that my brother was a “cry baby”. I cried and my teacher comforted me. She said I can go home, she understands my situation, she knew that we have no mother at home. I felt angry with my classmates, I don't want someone to laugh at my brother. I became a young protector, I was grade 5 at that time. And now, I carry the same trait as I have my own family. I am overprotective of them, especially my kids. I don't want them to be hurt, I am easily hurt by someone who does badly against them. So, I'm trying to protect them as much as I could, just to ensure that no one can harm them.
Selflessness
I learned to be thrifty and selfless, I became more concerned with the needs and wishes of others than with my own. My father was a public teacher, he has no time for us because he was busy with school works. He has no time to cook for us, and usually, he left us our daily school allowance and it includes expenses for our food. But our father wasn't even to us, he gave me a bigger allowance than my brother has. I cared so much for my brother, thinking that he is the only one who can understand me, we only have each other. What I did was, I won't take a recess (break) and saved my money and after school, will buy food for us to be shared. I often do this just to make my brother happy.
Of course, those were just my pure personal thoughts and experiences growing up in a broken family.
Despite those hard times living with it, I know as I've said before, everything happens for a reason. That our family should stay broken because it is the best choice to be. And our family is chosen because we can handle it and can surpass it. I still respect my parents why did chose to live part ways. I never hated them nor blame them. All I did was accept it, and live with it. No one wants to be a part. of a broken family so am I. Being part of it was life-changing. It can change your life negatively or positively. It's up to you how you deal with it. If you're from a broken family like me, don't let it negatively change you.
“Don't let your broken family broke you.”
Now that I have my own family, I know better how to deal with family problems. No matter how hard life will throws us, I know we can make it, as long as we're doing our parts as parents. I'm glad we never experience quarrels, pinpointing, and have fought for baseless arguments.
“Families and their problems go on and on, and they aren’t solved, they’re dealt with.”– Roger Ebert
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” –Richard Bach
Written by @eommaZel✍🏻🥀
*Other images from Unsplash
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