“A Quick Self-Reflection”

In the past three days after the New Year, I had very little resting time. As always I was occupied, the first three days were not so special. We welcomed the new year with gloomy weather and I could say that cold weather impeded me to be more active.

No doubt the cold breeze made me sluggish at times, but then it somehow helped me to reflect on some hows and what's in my life and as a person.

Lately, I’ve been into self-reflecting moments, and times whenever I can’t go online, I am pondering and reflecting, how was me this past year?

Here are some reflections I did.

While having a cup of coffee, I find peace. While watching the kids playing in front of me, and as I saw my husband sitting comfortably on the couch, I realize that I don’t have to go anywhere just to find peace because it’s already in front of me.

In the last months last year, I was rooting every day to see the sunset every dusk time, those times, I truly wanted a peaceful moment away from home. I was blinded by the negative people around our family. I wanted to be away from them, so watching the sunset has been my form of quick escape.

But just recently, I acknowledged all of those, that if I truly want peace in my life, it should start inside of me.

Then, I learned to ask forgiveness and give myself the kindness I deserved. The past year was a little tough for me, I pressured myself a lot, struggled even it wasn’t necessary to do, I have a lot of things I asked for forgiveness. And I am giving myself a little healing from those.

I forgive myself for being so harsh, and it’s fine to be tired and have a little break. I don’t need to find excuses every time I wanted to take a quick vacation from my works. I realized I was too hard on myself that I ended up stressing myself even more.

I also forgive myself for being an imperfect mother. Though I am trying my best to be a nice mom to my kids, I ended up being a monster. I easily got hotheaded especially when the kids were unruly, my patience was tested a lot, but then I recognized those were just a part of the journey.

I forgive myself for being unproductive at times too. No matter how hard I try if I was not in the mood, I will surely end up unproductive, with zero progress. But that’s fine, I am just human, we get tired and we sometimes got drained.

Then, I came to realize I need to cut out “unhealthy” habits that I possessed and that’s being too negative at times and being an over-thinker.

You know, I always write about encouraging and optimistic articles often but you know what, I honestly struggle to apply it for myself sometimes.

I honestly tried to cut those out in my habits before, but there were certain situations that I couldn’t control bringing up them. But they aren’t helpful and are very unhealthy for my well-being. Those were my worst enemies inside of me that I need to let go of. I hope slowly because it takes time, I will do my best to cut them out.

And in the past years, I started to care for myself by practicing self-love. Appreciating my little achievements, and giving myself a little reward never gave me regrets. And I was happy with my improvement. Self-love helped me to overcome some of my weaknesses and I realized my worth even more. I began to recognize who is being true to me and who is just another pessimist to bring another negative thought into my life.

Those were some reflections I reflected on the past days being stuck at home.

Somehow the gloomy days gave me chance to know more about my intentions for the new year that has begun. Because I know and I believed that self-reflection is always worth it. It helps me to know more of myself deeply.

The first three days I had as I said weren’t so extraordinary, I just have the casual days I had but in those three days, I am thankful for the life realizations I pondered.

As we’re going to the fourth day, I am still slowly recovering my hopeful desires, my motivations to keep going. I remember how I was so motivated when 2021 first came in, but of course,e, those were just the past.

Now, I am just reminding myself that I am doing my best and that’s okay.

This article just suddenly popped up in my head, so I won’t miss the chance to jot down these thoughts at the moment. Writing is not my passion, but slowly, I realize writing has been a part of my life now for almost two years and I am starting to find any way just to write. Is this the start of a new hobby?

I hope so, so I could feed my mind and work my drying brain once again.

Before I end this note, let me share with you this quote that gave me a bit of inspiration today.

Image source from: https://www.bighivemind.com/the-best-self-reflection-quotes-on-life-love-and-work/

May you have a wonderful time reading this!

Date published: Jan. 4, 2022

Thanks for reading. ✨

Written by: @eommaZel