"No offense, but you're trying hard..."
During the first quarter of this pandemic, I was trying to backread conversations with my junior high school classmates because I had nothing to do. At first, it felt nostalgic and giddy reading messages from the past years talking about our crushes, our homeworks, group presentations and other academic matters. Until I came to this classmate, there was a day before that I messaged her and suggested if we can improve our presentation even better. She refused to do so. I insisted and encouraged her that we can exert more ideas because I knew our capabilities; I knew we can. I stopped scrolling as I stumbled on this reply of hers pertaining to me. I got struck.
After that incident, I had undergone a series of introspection. From that day backwards, I was unaware, ashamed, and in denial of it. Presently, I realized that the person I am today has become the product of the past years of being a try-hard in life. And finally, it feels gratifying embracing and sharing a part of me with you!
Personal Life
I belong to a Bicolano and Bulakenya lineage, my father the former and my mother the latter. I spent my childhood days in my mother's hometown and my teenage days onwards in my father's. I am the second among the four children of my parents. Fortunately, didn't experience the second child syndrome. I am aware how my parents worked tremendously to support our needs and even our wants which provoked me to be a try-hard child for my parents; to be a responsible and good daughter to them as reciprocate to their deeds.
I'm an ambivert; I make sure to balance the features of being an introvert and extrovert. I'm on my introvert mode when I needed time for myself. When I read and study, I prefer not to be with a cacophony of voices surrounding me. I love solitude, silence. My creative juices are alive during this episode. Comfort room is my safe space during my deposit time. On the other hand, the extrovert mode is on everytime I need some human connection. I believe it's unequivocally necessary most importantly considering the physical distancing protocol imposed on us. I am a light, open-minded, and adventurous person. I can confidently say that I have my humurous side. Hence, I'm not good at handling serious situations. Instances like when my mother is scolding us, when our teacher's voice cracks or spitting fiery anger. I'm that person who tries hard not to laugh. See, a try-hard! Update: I have better self-control now.
I express my emotions and ideas through writing. Also, I often do calligraphy and painting. It's my way to somehow release the weight of accumulated anxiety and worries I'm carrying. Another way to get my face turn back to my phone or any of my social media accounts for the entire day is reading. This greatly helps me improve my imagination, vocabulary, and peace of mind. I am not at my best at these things, thus I try hard to improve and learn.
Academic Life
I guess, when I was in third grade of elementary the slap of realization hit me with the significance of education. The rewarding feeling of achieving something every end of a school year make parents proud. I am not smart nor gifted so I studied hard. Then, studied harder until I finished as the class valedictorian of our elementary batch.
Then came junior high school. I was admitted among the 80 qualifiers of the science-oriented class. It has two sections, I was in the second. I can have the chance to be in the first section next school year only if I outranked students from the prior section — so I try harder. I would usually be extra active on presentations, exams, and recitations. In God's grace, I topped my section and got the 5th rank overall our batch. Since then, I finished my remaining 3 years in Junior High School belonging in the first section of Science-Oriented curriculum. A bumpy journey of trying hard and staying on and above the line, indeed.
I transferred school for my two-year senior high school life. New environment, new people, and with more enthusiasm and drive. I was pushed really hard on this. I was with the plethora of smart, unique, and talented beings. I felt mediocre, an average or maybe below it. At least, I have a heap of confidence and my humour in me to get along. I'm with the best of the best, and I'm devouring pressure. So I really tried hard. First year was quite a good starter but honestly not the best one. Second year was a bomb of opportunties and potential-discovering. I experienced to be competed and to represent my school that I couldn't even thought was possible. Finally, graduated With High Honors having the second highest average among our batch. It all happened because I stick to my values. I insisted. I persisted. I tried hard.
College fastly approached, I wasn't able to qualify in University of the Philippines. However, God blessed me and brought redirection when I ranked 1st on the entrance examination for BS Mining Engineering Program within our region. Currently, I'm on my 2nd year in college. Still has the same energy but more mindful and wiser to where I'm pouring my energy into.
Conclusion
On a personal note, it's okay to be a try-hard to situations you know are worth it. It's our own life anyway. We're constantly traversing a learning process for personal growth and character development. If we have goals in mind, the initial step is to do something to pursuing it — by trying and trying harder. As long as there are room for improvements and opportunities, seize it and don't waste any of it. Nonetheless, exhaustion is an extricable thread that we can disentangle by taking a pause and by reflecting.
My present journey doesn't happen overnight, it is coupled with 5P's: passion, purpose, patience, persistence, and prayers. It worked on me. I hope it did and will work on you, too.
I am Hershey; the try-hard, not offended — and this is my story.
Additional Note:
Hello! My sister recommended me this platform since she knows I love to read and write articles. I'm still figuring out everything here particularly how I can change my username 'chocnut' because it sounds so funny T.T Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed reading my first published article :)
