What is ''Empathy'' actually?
Empathy; It can be briefly defined as understanding someone else's feelings, situation and how they feel. In addition, empathy is also used in the sense of projecting one's own feelings onto other objects. The word, which comes up with the definition of the ability to understand the feelings, thoughts and wishes of the consciousness in question by putting oneself in the place of another consciousness, is explained with many different expressions.
In short; There is no general definition of empathy. Moreover, when we look at the sources, the fact that we encounter different definitions of empathy proves this situation.
For example; empathy for the American psychologist Carl Ransom Rogers, one of the important founders of the humanistic approach; It is a person's putting himself in the other person's place and looking at things from his point of view, understanding his feelings and thoughts correctly and showing that he understands. In this definition of the famous psychologist, 3 basic rules necessary for the formation of empathy are also mentioned. These; It is to put oneself in the place of the other person, to look at the events from his point of view, to understand the feelings and thoughts of the other person correctly and to show that he understands that person. So, can anyone empathize? Or let me ask. Does everyone have the ability to empathize?
As a matter of fact, yes! Everyone has the ability to empathize in one way or another. It just depends on how much this ability is used. Research on babies also proves this proposition to be true. Because it is claimed that our innate ability to empathize is high. But the high empathy ability is lost over time, to use and use. Just like a muscle that is not worked, the ability to empathize melts away. That's why I think we should look for ways to develop empathy skills, let's stop developing it, at least we should learn to use it.
Now that we have examined what empathy is in detail, let's come to the question of what it means to have empathy! Although, by looking at the above, you have more or less got an idea about empathizing or doing. However, I still want to mention a few things. Because although empathizing is stated as putting oneself in the place of the other person, this phrase means much more. So what it means to empathize needs to be understood much better!
First of all, I would like to say that the ability to empathize is innate. In other words; We can empathize even when we are little babies. In the growth stage, we develop this innate ability by looking at the behavior of those around us and taking them as an example. The process of developing empathy, which starts with our parents, continues with the people around us and what we see and hear. At this point, some people constantly use the ability to empathize, while others do not realize how important this skill is. In other words; ways to gain empathy, also known as empathy, are not used.
Open-ended questions are not asked in order to understand the feelings, thoughts and wishes of the person on the other side. You know, I mean questions that start with words like "how, why, why". Let's say your coworker says he can't come to work tomorrow because he feels bad. And instead of asking him why, you say something like "hmm, get well soon". Or when your spouse says something like "I don't want that", he says it's okay or not, but for some reason you don't try to find out why. Because you don't want to use your empathy skills. You are running away from the easy or superficial one, and you do not understand how important it is to empathize in order to communicate correctly.
In order to empathize, we must be a good listener, increase our awareness, show that we understand it, make it more obvious with comments and really put ourselves in the other person's shoes. Otherwise, we cannot complete the empathy process correctly.
Empathy has a number of different benefits. And the most important of these is to be able to communicate correctly. Correct communication is also a skill that will contribute positively to the person in all respects. Empathy, which will make people's life easier in all areas, from their success in business life to their relationships in their private life and their social environment, is one of the keys to peace, prosperity and happiness both among individuals and societies.
If you want, let's understand more clearly what are the benefits of empathy with a few examples. For example; Suppose you are a manager and have little or no empathy in your business life. How well could you understand the wishes of your employees? Or how accurate answers could you give your customers? How successful and respected a manager could you be by behaving in the opposite direction where you should be understanding? Yes, do you understand what I mean?
I'm saying that empathy saves you from selfishness. It allows you to be a sensitive person and spend your life as a much more peaceful and happy person. You will understand the person in front of you better, you will be more successful in your social relations. You really try to understand people and you can help people more. You deal with your own and the other person's problems wisely, and you start to think more solution-oriented. You become a loved and respected person in society.
Extra Info: If you want to learn more about empathy, I suggest you read Empathy by Adam Fawer, famous for his book Improbable. Because in this book published in 2008, the author dealt with topics such as empathy, synesthesia, and gnosticism. All in all; You can place this book, which has received full marks by its readers, on your to-read list.
Well, what comes to mind when you talk about the harms of empathy? But wait a minute, how can something so positive and necessary hurt a person? I know you are in similar thoughts right now, but I would say wait until I tell you what I mean by the harms of empathy. Because the main thing I mean here is; Not empathizing, but empathizing too much or exaggerating the event can harm the person! To put it more clearly; When empathy reaches extremes, it can become harmful because the person goes too far in putting himself in the other person's shoes. And here, as in any case, excess becomes harm.
For example; Consider a manager with highly developed empathy skills. A manager who understands even the impossible because he puts himself in the shoes of his employees and is focused on solving the problems of the employee. Such a manager is abused over time and the operation deteriorates. Not only managers but also spouses, lovers and parents make the same mistake. Especially families who are overly empathetic! Parents who cannot bear their child's distress, distress and boredom, take on their children's responsibilities and negatively affect their development. Or the person sees the other person's problem as his own and makes his life unnecessarily difficult. For such reasons, it is necessary not to overdo it with empathy, that is, to have a balanced empathy.
By the way; Let's talk about empathy examples in a few small sentences. Let's say; You met with a friend and he told you how depressed he was. Then he told about all his problems, from the argument he had with his girlfriend to the problems he had with his parents. In such a situation, in order to empathize, you must be careful not to be affected by his mood and not to let negative thoughts enslave you. Otherwise, while you should give morale to your friend, you will make him more dark and harm instead of benefit.
What you need to do is to explain that you understand him, that you are trying to understand how difficult he is, but that he cannot come to a conclusion. In addition, you should put yourself in his place and seek a solution to his problem and offer alternative solutions for his problems. This is how you empathize.
Or, let's say you ran into a stranger outside that you saw in trouble. If you empathize at that moment, you go to the stranger and ask if you can help, and if there is anything you can do, you will. This behavior is also an example of empathy! Or wanting to help the injured animal on the street is also an example of empathy. Because you understand that he is suffering and you can sense how helpless he is.
