Death Anxiety

Although largely unconscious, the fact that our existence has an end and that each of us must die one day has a profound effect on our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The fear and emotional anguish caused by the awareness of the end of life is so painful that we need to protect ourselves from it.

People have a hard time confronting their own death directly. Therefore, they subconsciously suppress the reality of death and develop various defense mechanisms to deal with this reality. As some existential psychologists Victor Florian and Mario Mikulincer (2004) observed; "The paralyzing fear of being aware of one's own mortality leads to the denial of the reality of death and the suppression of thoughts about death".

Most people rarely think about death. However, on an unconscious level, feeling death anxiety knowing that we have our destiny affects important aspects of our lives and influences many of our actions.

Experimental studies by Terror/Fear Management Theory (TMT) researchers have shown that when attention is drawn to death, people change their behavioral responses and resort to certain defense mechanisms more.

In an experiment, it was observed that after the subconscious minds of the subjects were exposed to the word "death", they defended the worldview of their own ethnic group or nation more strongly, while at the same time humiliating members of other groups whose worldviews were different from their own (Solomon, et al, 2015).

In another experiment, again, judges exposed to the word "death" delivered more severe sentences than judges in the control group (ie, not exposed to the word "death").

Consequently, if, in an experimental setting, subconscious exposure to the word "death" can produce significant changes in the attitudes and actions of individuals, we can perhaps only imagine the powerful impact of numerous real-world events that remind people of their death.

Child and death awareness

In general, concepts of death and a finite existence develop gradually as a child matures. When children are young, when a pet dies or when they learn of the death of a loved one, they realize that it is the end of existence. Between the ages of three and six, children become conscious of their parents' vulnerability to death (Kastenbaum, 2000) and become aware that they themselves are mortal.

At this point, their world, which they initially believed to be permanent, is turned upside down. As the awareness that one day they must die and the terrifying feelings they feel afterwards are unbearable, they necessarily suppress this knowledge and emotions from the conscious mind to the subconscious. This realization effectively destroys the child's vision of self-sufficiency at any age. Although the defense mechanisms created prevent the child's awareness of death and the accompanying fear from being carried over to the conscious over time, the fear of death is preserved as it is in the subconscious. And so, the child's repressed fear of death continues to significantly affect his personal life, both in childhood and adulthood.

The effects of death anxiety on the individual

When death anxiety increases, individuals tend to become increasingly defensive in ways that are harmful to themselves (and often to others). Although most people initially respond positively to death anxiety by embracing life more tightly, the person becomes more defensive over time as the anxiety persists and/or increases. When a person denies death to protect himself, he may value the unimportant rather than the necessary and meaningful matters in his life. Many people tend to live life as if they will never die, and are willing to waste valuable experience in doing so.

Tragically, many people lose their meaning and enthusiasm for life as their defensive response to death increases. It gradually becomes more rigid and controlled, thus limiting the range of life experience. They may begin to display cynical and/or hateful attitudes towards themselves and others and give up on interests that once excited them. They may become less enthusiastic about life and feel more depressed and unhappy.

Many people adopt certain belief systems to maintain their hope of life after death. Many take a more philosophical position, while others believe that someone (such as a spouse, partner, guru, or leader) will eventually save them.

Some defenses against death anxiety have beneficial side effects. For example, the symbolic quest for immortality through creative works in art, literature, and science. Also, finding lasting meaning and trying to leave a positive legacy by feeling connected to family, friends, and people in general is generally positive for people with death anxiety.

8 ways to deal with death anxiety

Facing the reality of death as we get older is one of the challenges we all face. Today, escaping the reality of death, namely “Avoidance attitude”, is the most popular coping method. However, we should be aware that some of the usual ways of coping can create existential anxiety and can also steal from our quality of life.

In the face of the reality of mortality, it is important to have a “buffer system” to maintain our psychological calmness and cope with death anxiety (Routledge & Vess, 2019; Juhl, 2019).

Here are some suggestions that can buffer death anxiety:

1. Creating meaning

According to the Terror/Fear Management Theory (TMT), having the feeling that one's own life has a meaning or that life in general has a meaning enables the individual to live with the awareness of death and without fear. When people do something important that satisfies their soul, they have no time to worry about death. For this reason, it is very important for the individual to clarify his deepest personal values ​​and to serve these values ​​in his life. Research suggests that any resource that one feels meaningful (such as work, relationships, science, and belief) must serve an individual important value.

2. A change in priorities

Death anxiety motivates us to be creative. We can achieve more when time is limited. Mortality inspires us to live an interesting and meaningful life. It causes us to choose our priorities and live more effective lives. If we were immortal, we could rightly delay our actions indefinitely. It wouldn't matter if we did something now or tomorrow.

3. Authentic being

Authenticity/reality is the feeling of being one's own. And it includes the individual's own values, preferences, goals, decisions, and actions. Awareness of death also triggers a desire to focus on what is truly important to oneself. Pursuing inner goals is a solid buffer against death anxiety.

4. Productivity

The term productivity, a form of symbolic immortality, can be seen as an expression of going beyond our own existence to leave behind a positive legacy. Productivity can transform the fear of death into a deep sense of satisfaction.

5. Acceptance

As humans, we have a biased view of life and death. We see death as something that separates us from life (that is, from all our material and spiritual assets). Some ancient teachings speak of suffering because we are attached to the transient things in life that are constantly changing. The way to end our suffering is to cut off our attachment to ephemeral/temporary things. E.g; wealth, power, etc. Thus, we no longer fear death because we will have nothing to lose.

6. A cognitive-behavioral approach

Our emotional lives are shaped by our beliefs and values. The observer influences the "observed reality". By developing the capacity to choose how we interpret life and death, we can free ourselves from negative emotions. Stoic teachings suggest that we focus on what we can control and not worry about what we cannot control. Knowing that you are doing the best you can in the current circumstances allows us to accept everything (life and death) calmly and calmly.

7. Exposure

The most powerful way to deal with the fear of death is to face it instead of avoiding it. Research on anxiety reduction shows that exposure to feared situations is one of the quickest and most effective remedies. In the context of death anxiety, it involves practicing exposure to death-related issues. For instance; regularly reading obituaries in the newspaper, reading literary accounts of death and the law, writing a will, planning funeral arrangements, imagining your own death, eulogies about how you would like to be remembered after your own death, etc. These exercises can be very helpful in reducing death anxiety.

Yalom (2008) states that confronting one's own death fully consciously (with both thoughts and emotions) is to overcome death anxiety.

8. You are important to others

Man's need for the material world is universal. The feeling of being needed and important by others increases meaning in our lives. It also reflects how an individual's interpersonal relationships are, their capacity to adapt to life and their ability to increase their self-worth.

The deep and close bonds you will establish with your loved ones, the level of satisfaction you feel in your relationships, and the level of your death anxiety also play an important role.