What is my why?

The other day as I was replying to @JLoberiza, he happened to mention the words "why" and "emotional reasons". It started when I commented on one of his noisy posts.

I told him that I think I lack that will or my desire is not strong enough that is why I do not accomplish anything in life. Even my dad said it to me before that I do not have that drive in order to be successful. Back then I know he even compared me to my friends. He was saying that I am the only person amongst my friends who was unemployed. Yada, yada, yada. Recently, I read @charmingcherry08's A total self-love this 2022. She mentioned to stop comparing ourselves to other people. I told her that no matter how much we do not compare ourselves to others, there would be people who would compare us to someone. Talking about toxic family culture.

My parents used to compare me with my brother or to my friends. I would be lying if I will say that I did not let it affect me. Of course who would not be affected if the people who should be supporting you is the one that is putting you down. It was when I was already old enough when I found out that it was my dad's way for us to take those destructive criticisms into a positive one. Well being the stubborn me, I did not do anything. Instead, I just proved that he was right even after I graduated and experienced working. It was only when I was tested with a lot of hurdles that I have learned how to be an adult.

So let us go back to JLoberiza's why and emotional reasons. There are a lot of whys in our lives that after I contemplated about it, I was drawn back to my purpose in life that I also have questioned before. And questions of why started to pop on my head. Do you know your whys in life? What is your why in life?

This first question that I had in mind was, "Why do I want to be successful?". Pretty much sure that all of us want to be successful at any given craft. We want to excel not only for ourselves but also for our family and future. I also want to be successful because I know that parents want to see that their children are successful. They want to make sure that their children will be able to live on their own even if they are not by their side anymore. *I just cried after I typed that last sentence.* I feel like even if my parents do not say it to me, I feel like they are worrying about my future. At the age of 30+, I still have not established something for my future.

So why am I eager to earn? Last year I was very eager to earn because I wanted to achieve my ultimate goal of being debt free. Because in being debt free, I would be able to help my dad with the expenses in our house. I would be able to secure my future. I would be able to focus on my business and Youtube channel. I would be able to free my mind from worrying where to get additional funds for my debts.  Lastly, I would be able to do a lot of things and buy things that I need if I am debt free.

And the other why that popped on my mind was, why is my life like this? Have you also asked yourself that question? It is not only yesterday that this question came to mind as everytime I am faced with life's challenges, I would ask God a lot of whys. Why is this happening to me? Why am I living a hard life? Why me? And then a lot of negative things would come to mind and I would feel that I was unlucky to the point that I felt that I do not deserve to live a happy life. My mindset changed when I realized that I should be grateful for the challenges that I have experienced because if not for those challenges, I would never learn. I would not be wiser and stronger in life's trials. I realized that God tests us for a lot of possible reasons and rhat I overlooked before. I am glad that I have learned to embrace every challenges that come my way.

But why did it popped on my mind if I have already accepted why my life is like this? I think it did because it was just to remind me that I need to hustle and grind more because I am still far towards that success that I am aiming for. The question probably popped because it wants me to look for other ways, try new things and to not simply rely on a single source of income. It was also a reminder that I should not go back to the old me who did not have any purpose in life and unambitious. Deep right? Yes, that WAS me BEFORE. But that question will always come out if I would not do something to change my life.

From time to time I think we should ask ourselves about what our whys in life are. Just like how JLoberiza have said it that the whys and emotional reasons are what fuels our desire in doing a thing. So what are the whys in your life?

January 10, 2022

P.S. lead image is the header when I drafted my article on my Notes app.