See you again, Doggie

The past few weeks has been very challenging for us most especially me because one of our dogs that is closest to me got sick. Exactly a month ago was Doggie's birthday. I even published an article that day not only to ask for monetary support but also spiritual support.

After less than a month, I published another article just to give an update about him. For the sake of those who are just reading this now, he started coughing late November and when we brought him to the vet mid December, he was given some medications for his cough. We were adviced to have him take the ehrlichia test kit just to check if he has infection since his white blood cells were high. We were also adviced that we let him to have an xray but because we were tight on the budget, we only had him extract his blood for CBC as it was the cheapest because other than the CBC, they also suggested for blood chem to which we declined.

After a week, we brought him back for a follow up checkup. We were already decided to take the xray but since his platelets and red blood cells dropped, we were adviced to really take the ehrlichia test. So instead of xray, I chose that test and in that we found out that he was positive for blood parasitism that it may be the cause of his cough and being weak. He was given some medications that was good for a month but just before his medicines end, we already had him checked. Thank God that his platelets increased though his red blood cells were close to normal and because of that, he still needed to take some medicines to increase it.

Because he was still coughing even when he was under medication for blood paratisism, during that check up, we had no choice but to really have him take the xray. There we found out that he has enlargement of the heart and a white part on his lungs that the veterinarian do not know if it was mass or not. It was also concluded that the cause of his cough and his almoat close to normal red blood cells was due to his enlarged heart and the white on his lungs that makes it hard for the blood circulate properly.

He was given some medications for the heart, his cough and his respiratory system along with the medicine to increase his red blood cells. I must say that 2 days after we have brought him to the clinic, his cough improved. I guess the medications worked. However, I was only able to buy medicines that were good for a few days that I had to even cut it into half and give it to him every other day just so he will be able to drink it for at least a week or so. Honestly, at first I was giving his heart medicine everyday however, I missed 1 day because I lost track with all the medicines that he was taking. He had 12 different medicines and supplements that is to be given in different times. I even listed down those medicines in a long bond paper and on what time I should give it to him and it somehow made it easier for me though stressful for my dog since most of it were syrups.

When I noticed that I missed 1 day of his heart medication, that is when I decided to give it to him every other day. It was January 19 when I missed giving it to him and I think it was January 20 when he started coughing again but not like his past coughs. His cough was mild from then on until last night, January 26. He kept on coughing until this morning and so I told our helper to buy him some medicine since it has been days since we have missed his heart medicine. Yes, I know it has been days but if you are in my position in which you do not have any money, there is nothing that I can do. His heart medicine cost Php100 (around $2) per tablet and his dosage was ½ tablet twice a day. You can do the math and you would know why I had to wait for a few days before buying his medicine. Our helper said she would buy the medicine in the afternoon but that did not happen since Doggie had passed away.

Before he passed away, we all noticed his last moments. I gave our dogs a bath because it has been more than a week since their last bath. We could not bathe him 7 days after the check up as it was written in his health record sheet. He was ok during the day. I even gave him his snack while we were eating and he almost finished it. Though after that, he kept on following me wherever I go and whenever I would stand up. Well it is normal that he follows me everywhere I go but it was when he last followed me that when he stood up from his lying position, he started coughing and then I saw him falling down because both his hands and feet were weak. I told him not to stand anymore and to not follow me. That scenario already happened a few times before that he would even pissed himself. The last time was the time that I did not sleep as I really stayed beside him and watched over him.

But today was different. Even if he was having a hard time standing up, he really forced himself to stand and walked towards me or maybe away from me. He did made it to the kitchen where I was. So from the living room to the kitchen and then he went to the door so I accompanied him. I can still see him even when I was at kitchen and he was at the living room so I saw how weak he was walking. I was suppose to get him some water since I thought maybe be needed some due to his cough. He peed a little from the first time I saw him fell but it was not like before where his pee were a lot. His pee today were a few drops plus what is new is that he was drooling a little. When he was already at the kitchen door, I asked our helper to watched over Doggie since I had to put some eye drops on my dad's eye because he just had a cataract operation. That is the reason why I had to stand up every now and then because of his eye drops.

When I came back, they were still at the kitchen door and our helper said that Doggie's tongue was so pale. I stepped out and Doggie followed me with his weak legs. There he collapsed and so our helper massaged her. Yes, I know. We should have brought him to the clinic right away. But a lot of things were running through my mind that time but because this had happened before, I know that he will be ok again. After massaging him for a few minutes, he became ok and started walking away from me. He wanted to go down to the garage and I accompanied him. When he made his first step down, he fell and so I helped him until he reached the last step. There were only 3 steps but when he made it to the last step, he did not stand and I noticed his eyes were closing, his tongue was out and so I immediately went inside to tell my parents. My dad was about to go out since he had a scheduled meeting at the same time when Doggie was in bad shape. Good thing my mom did not attend her zumba today so she was able to drive us to the clinic.

I carried him right away to the car and he responded when I lifted him. My mom and our helper were panicking that they couldn't think straight. As for me, I went straight to the car and sit on the passenger seat and waited for my mom. When she was inside, she kept on shouting face mask to our helper that even caused some delays as our helper kept on walking I do not know what she was really doing instead of opening the gate.

The clinic was less than 5 minutes from our house by car. While we were inside the car, Doggie was opening his mouth as if he was telling me something. There I know that he was still responding and I was positive that he would make it. Although, I know that his heart beat was really, really weak that time as I barely couldn't feel it even his breathing. When we reached the clinic, I noticed I had a light poop that was lathered on my forearm. I was thinking that my arm must have wiped his butt as he pooped a tiny bit when he got out of the kitchen door.

When I cam to the clinic, I placed him on the chair so he can be carried by the staff and I immediately faced the cashier to tell them what happened. Doggie was carried right away and was brought up for emergency. After talking to the cashier on what happened, when I looked back, I saw that there was a medium sized poop on where I placed him. That is when I realized that I also have poop on my forearm. Good thing there was an alcohol over the counter.

After few minutes, I was called to go up and there I saw Doggie with oxygen. When I saw him, the first thing that came to my mind was that we made it. But sadly, we didn't. We do not know the real cause of death but because his last check up was enlargement of the heart and we also do not know if he has mass on his lungs or maybe the white part on his lungs was just his heart overlapping his lungs as per the doctor so we cannot say what the real cause was. We can only assume that it was either of the two or both.

I tried my best not to cry when the doctor told me that they could not do anything. My mom was allowed to go up and it was perfect timing because it was actually the time when the doctor just told me that Doggie was gone. My mom broke down but I tried my best not to cry that hard at the clinic as I wouldn't be able to talk to them properly on what to do after with Doggie. There they suggested a store that does pet cremation. We can either leave Doggie in the clinic to have it picked up by the crematory service company or we can bring him home as is or place him in a box. We chose to place him in a box and bring him home. When I went inside the car, that is when I broke down. And as of typing this, I am still crying. I would just stop for a few minutes and then cry again. I do not know how many tissue rolls I would be using and if I will be able to sleep tonight. Like I have said, Doggie is the closest to me. He would follow me wherever I go and he would cry if he notices that I did not come home.

Everywhere I go in our house are filled with a lot of good memories with him. It is so hard. This is even more painful that getting cheated on or having a break up. I forced myself to eat dinner at 9PM. We all have no appetite. We still haven't told my dad about Doggie as we do not want him to worry because his out of the house. We already told my brother the moment we came back.

Maybe you are wondering about Doggo. During the time when we were busy focusing on Doggie, Doggo was sleeping. He woke up when we were going to bring Doggie to the clinic and he was suppose to go out but I pulled his tail back so he could not go out of the door. When we came back, he saw that I was crying so hard and he was actually wondering where Doggie was. He kept on looking then he would go back to me probably to comfort me so I just hugged Doggo. I was able to hug him for an hour maybe. I was sitting on the floor and Doggo was on my lap and I was hugging him and he let me hugged him that long. He usually would stay on my lap for a few minutes before but this time it was really that long.

This evening just before going to bed, maybe Doggo is still wondering where his half brother was that he looked around the kitchen and inside my brother's room where we have been sleeping lately but he couldn't find him. I just hope that Doggo wouldn't be that affected with his brother's passing. I do not want him to get sad, depressed and lonely.

I'm sorry for sharing a very sad story. I just want to let it out of my chest. I do not want to personally share to my family and friends what I am going through right now. I really do feel like I lost my other half. He has been with us since March of 2010. And it was only in 2017 when we were always together 24/7 because I was bum since then. There were times that I was away from him but it was probably less than 6 months if we were to sum it all up. Actually from 2010 there were also times that I was on and off from working so we can say that more than half of his lifetime, we were always together.

I hope to see you again Doggie when that time comes.

P.S. lead image is one of his old photos.

January 27, 2023