I'm broke

This morning I went to the bank to make a some transactions. I cannot remember the last time that I went inside a bank, specifically BDO. When I went inside, I saw only a few people that were sitted that I assumed were in queue. So I asked the security guard where the end line was and he was pointing to a touch screen monitor and he said to get my number there. The only bank that I have encountered this before was with BPI since they have been doing that for years now. I entered all the details needed for my transaction and waited for my number to be called. Prior to going to the bank, I have already written on the deposit and withdrawal slips. I still presented those when my number was called. Now, I do not know if having a copy of deposit slips is mandatory. In BPI, I do not write on any deposit slips anymore and I do not know if it is the case with BDO. I asked the teller but she did not answer my question if transaction slips are still needed. With the withdrawal slip, I know it is because I was making a withdrawal for my dad so his signature is really important. I guess deposit slips will be on the depositor's discretion.

By the title and introduction itself, you probably know what I am about to share today. Yes, I am broke. I still have a little on my savings account but sooner or later, I know that I will be using that for my credit card debts. It just hurts that the money that I have saved from last year will be used for my never ending debts. I admit that I was too complacent that I will always have a source of income even if it does not reach the minimum monthly salary but it had helped me for the past year and a half. Even if it was difficult for me to save, I still tried my best to do so but I never changed my spending habits when I was almost out of debt. Now, I am broke or about to be broke. I never imagined that I will be using my savings again for my debts. I am certain that it will not be enough and I am starting to get worried and stressed out.

I do not know why I am so bad when it comes to saving and excels in spending. Just this afternoon, I was really so tempted to order some food for our snack yet my mind was telling me that I shouldn't since I am already broke. Thankfully, I was able to control my stomach. My mind has been telling me all day that I was broke and now I feel like I am about to get a migraine. I was also staring at my wallet because I have not used my earnings on noise.cash from March until May. I was able to save around $33 for 3 months but  because the market is crashing down, I only have $14. Ouch right? $14 is not even enough to cover for my monthly phone plan. Of course I do not have any choice but to hold it however I do not know how long I will be able to do it. Is there a particular reason why a the crypto market is still down? Is it because that they banned the cryptocurrencies in some countries? I do not know if I have read that right months ago.

Now that I am broke, I do not know if I can still help in paying our water bill for this month but most likely it is already impossible. I already had a hard time collecting the required amount from one of my credit card bills a few days ago and now I am also thinking on how to accumulate some more money for my other credit card towards the end of the month. I should have never been too complacent in the first place. "Reward yourself" is a trick. I should not have rewarded myself. Or I guess "too much" is the culprit. I rewarded myself too much to the point of spending lavishly. What comes after I'm broke is regret followed by self-pity. I am still on the regret phase and I am pretty sure that I will be pitying myself again in the coming weeks or months. I cannot help but to compare my life last year to my life this year as I feel like everything were lighter compared to this year. To think that we did place a prosperity bowl in welcoming this year and it was our first time that we did that. Oh, I just really hope that I would not end up getting broke this year and for the years to come. It is so hard to be penniless all the more if you are jobless.

June 17, 2022

P.S. lead image is a photo of our bank books that I took before.