I was reminded of the time that I felt I was unhappy when I read @Jeaneth's article, Are you happy? Even if her article was not about heartbreaks, memories of my past started to flashback and it was during the time that I was in the process of moving on, in the process of healing my broken heart and in the process of finding my happiness. In your own words, how would you define happiness?
During that time, I posted some happiness quotes on my Instagram account that I saw on Google. No caption needed as the quotations have already spoken for what I feel and what I have to say. Along with the quotations that I saw on Google, my captions for the pictures that I took during my out of town trips had also something to do with finding my own happiness or some moving on messages. I do not know if he (my last flirtationship) checks my profile on both Facebook and Instagram nor do I know if he was able to see or read my posts because most of it were pertaining to my true feelings or my current situation. Sounds pathetic right? It was as if I wanted him to see that I was so sad when he left me and that I was really affected. I know most people who have gone through heartbreaks somehow have been through a lot that no matter how hard they tried to be happy they couldn't. That no matter how hard they wanted to smile, they only ended up crying. Raise your hands if you can relate with me.
My healing process took longer than my first heartbreak but I was able to move on with the help of my closest friends, my family, my cousin and some out of town trips. Babysitting my godsons and goddaughter also helped me to clear my mind. Reading quotations about happiness and other break up stories have also helped me realize that I do not need a guy or anyone for me to be happy. Yes my friends were there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, alcohols and cigarettes also comforted me during some sleepless nights. But true happiness starts from within just like a true beauty of a person.
I cannot remember when exactly how I started to be happy again that I did not mind whether I was getting wider and heavier. I was happy even if I had a lot of debts. I was also happy even when I found out that my last flirtationship got a girl pregnant even during the time we were together. I chose my own happiness. I freed my heart and mind from all the hatred that I felt towards him, other people or even myself. Instead of sulking over what could, what might or what should have been, I focused more on the present. I even had a lot of quotes about happiness that I wish to post on my Instagram account but I decided not to.
I can say that I am happy now however there is a part of me that I felt that something is different or that something is missing. What made me say it? I smile differently. My eyes aren't that bright nor my skin is not as glowing as how it was before. Whenever I would look at my old pictures, I know the reason why it was different. But I was also able to smile like that even when we had no communications when he was in Canada. I did not had any other guy when he was in Canada but I was able to have that beautiful aura. I do not want to say that it might probably because of my age as I was younger back then but whatever it is, I would be as glowing and as sweet looking as how I was before. Or do you think it is still somehow connected with my happiness? Whatever the reason, I am going to figure it out. Though having a new beau is out of the picture as I want to focus more on myself and with my family.
Have you also been unhappy before? Who or what contributes you to feel that way? How were you able to find true happiness? Or are you still in the process of finding it? Whatever it is that you are going through right now, I know someday you will be as genuinely happy as how you want to be. You would not have to wear a fake smile anymore because slowly you can smile as beautifully and as wide or even wider as before until your jaw hurts. Remember that happiness is a choice and that you and only you is in control of your own happiness.
"Have you also been unhappy before?"- lumagpas ako sa unhappy na nga wbahhahahahaha.shuteks na yan..nasa dulo ako ng darkness hahahaha.
pasok nga dito ung healing ko hahaha. You can only be whole again if you start to heal. Gets ko yang sinasabi mo na glow eh, nakikita sa mata yung spark kapag happy ka. Sa mga photos ko before.. bago ang heartbreak, napansin ko lang ang ganda ng spark ng mata ko kaya si Mj ung kumukuha or kapag ksama ko sya during nung pagkuha ng photos. Siguro kasi nung edad nten na un andun ung happiness kineme naten. Pero ngayon, self-love is the key. Slowly..but surely.