Envy

Envy as described in Oxford languages, it is a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck. Have you envied someone or has someone envied you? Tell us a story about it. 

I don't know when I first started being envious of someone but if I were to recall, it was because of my physical looks. Like I have said many times before that I hated my curly hair and my fair skin. I don't know if someone was envious of me but I have had a lot of people that I have envied in the past.

When I was in elementary, I think I am envious of my classmates for having cool pencil cases, a stroller bag and even Lisa Frank items and a Polly Pocket, a small compact doll house. I wanted to have what they have but because we started the school year with new things, my parents didn't bought me a new one. They taught us how to be content with what we have. For toys, my mom wouldn't allow us to buy items that were above her limit so my brother and I would just have to look for something that fits the budget. Polly Pockets were expensive during our time and even Barbie dolls. Though I was lucky enough to have at least one or two Barbie dolls when growing up. I remember when Tamagotchi, a handheld digital pet, was a trend back then, we kept on asking our mom to buy one for us. It took her a very long time before she bought us one. I even joined a raffle contest by a popular top snack food manufacturer here in the Philippines because I wanted to win the cash prize for me to buy the Tamagotchi. LOL. I ate one sponge cake during our recess and kept the wrapper but sadly I didn't win. So my mom saw how badly I wanted to have a Tamagotchi that she eventually approved of it. My brother and I would take turns in bringing it to school until the school banned it. Our digital pet dinosaur died when we got home. LOL. I know I was able to kept our Tamagotchi but someday I will try to find it. Brings back the memories of the 90s. Those are the things that I can think of that I envied from my classmates. 

It was during high school when Nokia mobile phones started to make a name in our country. There were already mobile phones before that but text messaging wasn't still a thing. So when my classmate had her first Nokia 5110 and told me how convenient it was to have a mobile phone, again I asked my parents for one. I went straight to my dad and ask for it and after a few convincings, he gave me one. Spoiled right? My lead image is the cellular phone that I was talking about. During that time, only a few people have phones so I rarely get to use it. I think I was able to use it until I was in first year college. But even before I had a cellular phone, I asked my mom for a pager or a beeper. So it was a beeper then a cellular phone and next was a component. VCD. or video compact discs have already started in the music industry so in order for me to listen to the Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, 98 degrees, Boyzone and other bands in the 90s, I had asked for another material thing again. It was again influenced by my classmate. I was able to make use of it because but the sad thing is that it only plays original VCDs.

I think life was simple for me when I was in high school but when I was already in college, competition was tougher. You have to dress nice that you should have at least more than a dozen set of clothes for you not to repeat what you wore. I had no problem with my jeans because my dad and I went to a tailor shop so I had different colors of jeans back then. With my shirt, yes I had a dozen and I even wrote everything I wear during my first term in first year. LOL. It was hard but we can't really have a lot of shirts or clothes because it wasn't practical plus it was hard for me to find clothes for my size that is affordable. Other than clothes was the advancement of cellular phones. From phones with antenna up to smaller ones that can allow you to store more than 15 text messages. I had a classmate that changes her phone every time there was a new one. Yes I was envious of her but I was ok with what I have because I get to upgrade my phone every 2 years because my dad lets me use the phone that his company has given to him. I was also envious of my classmates who had drivers driving them to and from school, classmates who were driving new cars and classmates living in the condominiums near the school. I have wanted to live the way that they were living. I was really envious of all of them but when I had the chance to be friends with other people outside my block, I got to enjoy how it feels to be a college student. I didn't think of what I don't have because I was busy having fun with my friends and enjoying life. 

Then comes the time that I had to look for a job. I waited 6 months before I was able to land my first job. A month after I graduated, I didn't feel pressured because there were only few of my friends who were absorbed by the hotel where they had their practicum training. But when I found out that it was only I who doesn't have a job, I felt so pressured. I envied my friends because they were already earning while I was just lying in my bed or our sofa. It was only when I got my first salary that I was satisfied. 

But that didn't stop me from being envious with my colleagues and friends. I was envious of them because their parents wasn't strict and they were allowed to go to wherever they want and whenever they want. When I had my first job, my parents or sometimes my mom or my dad would pick me up at my work place. I didn't had any time to bond with my colleagues after work. Then I was envious again of my batchmates and friends who were earning more than me. Being envy was a never ending cycle not just for me but for everyone. Remember my story when I worked with my second to the last employer? It was during that time when I had felt a contentment in my life. I had a job, I was able to save, I got to treat my family, I was able to buy what I want and I was really happy. Yes I saw some of my friends' and other acquaintances' successes and accomplishments in social media and I envy them a little but not to the point that I would want what they have. We have differrent lives, different problems, different struggles and we should have our own enjoyment for our own success and accomplishments. Envy for me is like a disease that if you don't change your mindset, you would never be free from it. There will always be something that you want to have because you are not contented with what you have. 

Now that I have been unemployed, I am not envious of my friends but I am thankful for what I already have. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't work for my goals. I am still trying to look for ways to earn some money and this time I will make sure that I get to save for the future and I will try my best not to use it. I am already satisfied with the material things that I have although yes I do have plans to upgrade my phone but I will only do so if I have enough money. I know it is normal to be envious of others but we should know that it isn't healthy for us and sometimes it will lead us to a different direction that we tend to forget about our goals. We should know how to be content with what we have and just keep focusing on our goals.

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough." — Oprah Winfrey