"Growing Pains"

"Let's end this Rhage." She looked at me straight in the eyes.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked. I can feel my knees weakened.

"It's not-" I cut her.

"Don't fuck me with that cliche statement Riah!" I shouted at her. She cries and it made me realize what I just did.

I hugged her and kissed her temple.

"Please, let's talk this out." I console her.

"Rhage, please.,"

"No." A single tear fall from my eye. "Riah, please don't do this." I beg her still hugging her.

"Give me space Rhage." She said briefly.

"Why?" My voice cracked. Fuck! This is too much, I can't take this heart break.

She breaks our hug and look at me straight in the eyes again.

"I think I fall out of love." Then walk pass me. My knees become more weak, I kneel and cry silently.

A week passed, I gave her the freedom that she wants, the space she's looking for and didn't disturb her anymore. I always see her in the school smiling like nothing happened, laughing like she's not hurt at all and casually nodding at me like we weren't have past.

Am I the only one who's in pain?

The more she does these things the more this pain grows.

Was I not enough? Was I over protective? Was I being too possessive? Or maybe childish for being jealous at small things? Fuck! I'm going crazy figuring out why did she fell out of love!

A month have passed, there's a rumor that she's dating one of my varsity colleague. I didn't believe it because I know her, she said it's just space we will get back together and be happy again until I saw her kissing the jerk in the court.

"Fuck you Troi!" I punch my bestfriend. "Why the fuck did you do this?!" I asked shouting.

"Please Rhage, I'll explain-"

"Shut up Riah!" I shouted. "Now tell me Troi, why? Why did you do this?" I can feel my anger is eating me up. Heck! Of all the people? Why my girlfriend and my bestfriend!

He just nod down his head and didn't say anything which makes me livid. This jerk is getting in my nerves. I punch his face again, he fall to the floor and didn't look at me.

"Please Rhage, stop." She's crying while covering her mouth. I looked at her and can feel the pain in my heart slowly creeping out. Fudge, I made her cry again. It's killing me seeing her cry because of me. I walked out of the court and punch the nearest wall until my knuckles bleed.

"Fuck me for being useless!" I keep on punching the wall while cursing myself for being a jerk, for making her cry and for being an asshole punching my bestfriend.

When I can't feel my hands anymore I kicked the wall and sit down. I cried my heart out. I can't take this pain, this pain is killing me. I love her too much, too much that I didn't thought she'll fell out of love and would get tired of me. I was blinded by my feelings and didn't notice that she is suffering being in my side.

I regret what I did.

It's not their fault if they fall for each other.

Months have passed, I cut my ties to both of them to move on and get over this pain that keeps on growing every time I see them together. When I see her smile, laugh and talk to him it crushes me but I will be over this soon. I should thank them for giving me this lesson.

I shouldn't give my all and left some love for myself.

That I should be selfish sometimes.

That treating myself good is also part of loving.

A year have passed and I moved on I also heard they broke up but I don't care anymore. I just hope she's okay. I also transferred school to avoid rumors that can cause them pain.

I open my phone and found that I had a missed call it's just a number and also a text message from the same number.

*09*******

Rha? Can we talk? I'll be at the park 6PM.

My heart raced. Why? What does she wants? I moved on and give them all the space they want.

I sigh. I still consider her as my friend so I walk to the park right after my class. I found her sitting in the swing alone. When she saw me she abruptly stands up and smile sadly.

"Hey." I call when I walked in front of her.

"Hey." She said nervously. We stand there silently. I stare at her and realize that the girl I loved is right in front of me but my heart didn't skip a beat anymore when she smile.

"Do you have something to say?" I asked. She's hesitant at first before speaking.

"I know this is straightforward Rha, but I want a chance." She said smiling.

I smiled. She is really pretty when she smile she should do this often.

I took a step forward and fetch her hand and hold it. She's really nervous because her hand is so cold. I place her palm in my cheeks and let her feel my warmth. I close my eyes. We stay in that position until she speaks.

"I still love you Rhage." She confessed.

I open my eyes and look at her straight in the eyes still holding her hands in my cheeks. I can read it in her eyes that she's telling the truth.

I kiss her palms.

Kiss the back of her hands.

I squeeze her hand.

"I moved on Riah, you should too." I let go of her hand and kiss her in the forehead before walking away.

She will always have a special place in my heart.